I was working on a post about how lame Mondays are due to the amount of work my job has on Mondays and the complete lack of interesting news the Record puts forth (and other asinine things like putting financial advice on the front page of the LENS section instead of in the Money section). But then the news hit the wire and I just couldn't bring myself to bitch about such trivial things anymore.
Dolemite is dead. Rudy Ray Moore has died from complications with diabities at the age of 81 and the world is a little less bad ass because of it.
Nary a day has gone by where I've driven in Stockton and not shouted "Man, move over and let me pass 'fore they have be to pullin' these Hush Puppies out your mothafuckin' ass!" at whatever old Asian lady I invariably get stuck behind.
Dolemite inspired one of only three recurring skits on MadTV that were actually funny (Making MadTV funny was probably Dolemite's biggest accomplishment), he was an icon amongst icons, and most importantly...well, I'll let him say it, "I'm gonna let 'em know that Dolemite is back on the scene! I'm gonna let 'em know that Dolemite is my name, and fuckin' up motha fuckas is my game!"
Fuckin' up mothafuckas indeed. You will truly be missed by this honky ass mutha fucka.
Showing posts with label unfortunate happenings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label unfortunate happenings. Show all posts
Monday, October 20, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
New Drinking Policy? More like New Stinking Policy
A few weeks ago I read an interesting story about the Presidents of Duke, Syracuse, Ohio State, and 90 or so other colleges who signed a letter requesting the federal government lower the legal drinking age to 18 to help curb binge drinking. (Note: Imagine our surprise when we discovered in this USA Today article that binge drinking is described as "four or five drinks in one sitting." We call that "settling in", but to each their own I guess.) The gist of the President's letter is that college students regardless of age are going to drink. Studies (that USA Today link) have shown that binge drinking actually decreases once a person hits the legal drinking age, so why not lower the legal drinking age to help curb excessive drinking.
It's an enlightened idea. Of course MADD got pissed and said that those colleges obviously don't care about the children and wouldn't enforce drinking ages. Which is hilarious because if they just read the study they'd know that the goal is to decrease excessive drinking. God those bitches are nuts. In fact they're so nuts, it reminded me of a certain local college's archaic stance towards alcohol.
A friend of ours alerted us to the newly revised university drinking policy which outright bans hard liquor anywhere on campus and limits the amount of beer a person can have to just a six-pack. (Scroll down to page 17) Drinking games have been prohibited. We also heard (but couldn't find anywhere in the "Tiger Lore" booklet) that for some random reason banned hookah. (For those of you who don't remember the hookah fad of 2004, hookah is flavored tobacco smoked in a bong-resembling water pipe by fictional catapillars and Persians.)
Trying to control alcohol consumption on a college campus is about as ambitious an idea as trying to tell basketball players to not fuck hot drunk girls, it just isn't going to happen.
What is going to happen? Attempting to limit the quality and quantity of hooch on campus is only going to result in off campus parties. So instead of some drunk stumbling across campus, you get and increase in drunk drivers on the roads surrounding The Island. College kids are going to drink. They're going to drink a lot. A half-assed attempt at prohibition is, according to that USA Today article we linked to earlier, only going to increase extreme drinking.
We're not saying UOP should just give up like MADD says the Presidents of Duke and Syracuse are doing. What we are saying is limiting drinks at the Lair to 3 or banning the drinks that actually get you drunk is just flat out ignorant.
Oh, and thanks to El Duké for the awesome headline. It's why he was brought on.
It's an enlightened idea. Of course MADD got pissed and said that those colleges obviously don't care about the children and wouldn't enforce drinking ages. Which is hilarious because if they just read the study they'd know that the goal is to decrease excessive drinking. God those bitches are nuts. In fact they're so nuts, it reminded me of a certain local college's archaic stance towards alcohol.
A friend of ours alerted us to the newly revised university drinking policy which outright bans hard liquor anywhere on campus and limits the amount of beer a person can have to just a six-pack. (Scroll down to page 17) Drinking games have been prohibited. We also heard (but couldn't find anywhere in the "Tiger Lore" booklet) that for some random reason banned hookah. (For those of you who don't remember the hookah fad of 2004, hookah is flavored tobacco smoked in a bong-resembling water pipe by fictional catapillars and Persians.)
Trying to control alcohol consumption on a college campus is about as ambitious an idea as trying to tell basketball players to not fuck hot drunk girls, it just isn't going to happen.
What is going to happen? Attempting to limit the quality and quantity of hooch on campus is only going to result in off campus parties. So instead of some drunk stumbling across campus, you get and increase in drunk drivers on the roads surrounding The Island. College kids are going to drink. They're going to drink a lot. A half-assed attempt at prohibition is, according to that USA Today article we linked to earlier, only going to increase extreme drinking.
We're not saying UOP should just give up like MADD says the Presidents of Duke and Syracuse are doing. What we are saying is limiting drinks at the Lair to 3 or banning the drinks that actually get you drunk is just flat out ignorant.
Oh, and thanks to El Duké for the awesome headline. It's why he was brought on.
Friday, September 5, 2008
BWDW Special Edition: Goodbye Jack's Back
We hadn't really planned on doing a BWDW last week. Initially we were planning on doing 2 a month or so. Slick even planned on some gay camping retreat. But we got some horrific news last week that warranted doing this special edition of Bars We're Down With. We're ditching the typical scoring format because this isn't as much an induction as it is a eulogy. Jack's Back has closed down.
Jack's Back was also the first bar I was ever considered a regular at. Whenever I strolled in, Amanda (aka the best bartender ever) would have two Jagerbombs ready within the next minute. I don't even search the jukebox anymore. I just know that 7113 will get me Strokin' by Clarence Carter. 2502 will get me Night Moves by Bob Seger.
I've been trying to find a way to properly eulogize Jack's, and I realized I have more bar stories from Jack's than any other bar. So here's a few classic Jack's experiences over the years. If there's anybody reading this who has some, post them in the comments.
Jack's Back is the only bar that I've been 86'ed from and even that only lasted a grand total of 3 hours.
Owner Jack Morgan is a hilarious SOB and could be seen there most nights telling one of his 800,000 hilarious jokes, none of which I remember because I was usually14 or 15 4 or 5 drinks in by the time he told me one.
His lady Sally once tried to kick us all out at midnight because she thought it was 2 am. After about 15 mins she realized she was wrong and bought us all a shot. We all needed a smoke break anyways.
The ongoing saga of Lynn's employment there has kept me entertained for the better part of the last 2 and a half years. One week she's there, then bam she's gone for a month. I never asked what happened, I just knew she'd probably be back within a couple weeks.
Jack's is the bar where a Mexican guy who I'd never met before and who didn't speak a lick of English walked up the bartender and pantomimed that he'd like to bum a smoke. When handed a cigarette he scowled and shook his head. He was asking the bartender if he could bum a joint.
I once relayed one too many bar stories to my girlfriend to the point that she thought I was cheating on her with Amanda and she forbade me from going there. So I broke up with her. I later found out she was cheating on me the whole time. Cunt.
To this day Wiley and I still believe some sort of black hole in the women's bathroom at Jack's ate the cueball.
And probably most important of all. Jack's Back is where I first got the nickname of The Duke.
The going away party was awesome. Within 10 minutes of being there some drunk lady was telling me she got a vibe from me that I was going to be a congressman or even President as long as I don't let a woman hold me back. Yes, Jack's was in full form Saturday. Nowhere was that more evident than during the roast session in the back amongst the most hardcore of Jack's regulars. I'm going to miss Karl. Jack himself failed to show up, which was disappointing. Everybody agreed that Amanda needed to be behind the bar but Action Jackson wasn't there to give it the OK. So we reminisced about the glory days of Amanda and Lynn's employment there. My best recollection is that I downed the last pitchers of Hefeweizen and Natty Light left in the taps. After an unusually early last call (about 1:15 bar time), I downed a final Jagerbomb with everybody's favorite bartender and headed out as my songs finally hit the jukebox. It was as fitting a goodbye to a good friend as I could've expected.
Jack's Back was also the first bar I was ever considered a regular at. Whenever I strolled in, Amanda (aka the best bartender ever) would have two Jagerbombs ready within the next minute. I don't even search the jukebox anymore. I just know that 7113 will get me Strokin' by Clarence Carter. 2502 will get me Night Moves by Bob Seger.
I've been trying to find a way to properly eulogize Jack's, and I realized I have more bar stories from Jack's than any other bar. So here's a few classic Jack's experiences over the years. If there's anybody reading this who has some, post them in the comments.
Jack's Back is the only bar that I've been 86'ed from and even that only lasted a grand total of 3 hours.
Owner Jack Morgan is a hilarious SOB and could be seen there most nights telling one of his 800,000 hilarious jokes, none of which I remember because I was usually
His lady Sally once tried to kick us all out at midnight because she thought it was 2 am. After about 15 mins she realized she was wrong and bought us all a shot. We all needed a smoke break anyways.
The ongoing saga of Lynn's employment there has kept me entertained for the better part of the last 2 and a half years. One week she's there, then bam she's gone for a month. I never asked what happened, I just knew she'd probably be back within a couple weeks.
Jack's is the bar where a Mexican guy who I'd never met before and who didn't speak a lick of English walked up the bartender and pantomimed that he'd like to bum a smoke. When handed a cigarette he scowled and shook his head. He was asking the bartender if he could bum a joint.
I once relayed one too many bar stories to my girlfriend to the point that she thought I was cheating on her with Amanda and she forbade me from going there. So I broke up with her. I later found out she was cheating on me the whole time. Cunt.
To this day Wiley and I still believe some sort of black hole in the women's bathroom at Jack's ate the cueball.
And probably most important of all. Jack's Back is where I first got the nickname of The Duke.
The going away party was awesome. Within 10 minutes of being there some drunk lady was telling me she got a vibe from me that I was going to be a congressman or even President as long as I don't let a woman hold me back. Yes, Jack's was in full form Saturday. Nowhere was that more evident than during the roast session in the back amongst the most hardcore of Jack's regulars. I'm going to miss Karl. Jack himself failed to show up, which was disappointing. Everybody agreed that Amanda needed to be behind the bar but Action Jackson wasn't there to give it the OK. So we reminisced about the glory days of Amanda and Lynn's employment there. My best recollection is that I downed the last pitchers of Hefeweizen and Natty Light left in the taps. After an unusually early last call (about 1:15 bar time), I downed a final Jagerbomb with everybody's favorite bartender and headed out as my songs finally hit the jukebox. It was as fitting a goodbye to a good friend as I could've expected.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Say it isn't so
There's a nasty rumor going around that Valley Brew has ended their $5 pitchers on Sunday deal. If this is true, I'm deeply disappointed.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Well, this sucks
Hi, I'm El Duke. I'm the new guy. I'll try and do some official introduction later. But there's more pressing matters. One of my friends died in a motorcycle accident today. His name was Nick and he was a good guy. Yes, I'm aware the linked article says he's in critical condition, but I got a call earlier today that he was brain dead and they were pulling the plug at noon today. He's donating his organs, which is nice, but it doesn't detract from the fact that this death shouldn't have happened. Why? Because he was drunk.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-drinking. I'll throw down with the best of them and can name every bar within a 10 mile radius of my apartment. I'll also admit to driving after having a drink or two, but never too much. I've had to go to too many wakes/memorial services at bars in my short lifetime. In fact, I just went to one a couple weeks ago to commemorate the 1 year anniversary of the drunk driving death of Jeremiah "J.D." Davis and Brandon Baker. It was a touching tribute to friends that left us way too soon. It made me remember to think twice when I decide how I'm getting to and from the bar. Unfortunately the same message didn't reach Nick. It should have though, J.D. was his cousin.
Rest in Peace pal.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-drinking. I'll throw down with the best of them and can name every bar within a 10 mile radius of my apartment. I'll also admit to driving after having a drink or two, but never too much. I've had to go to too many wakes/memorial services at bars in my short lifetime. In fact, I just went to one a couple weeks ago to commemorate the 1 year anniversary of the drunk driving death of Jeremiah "J.D." Davis and Brandon Baker. It was a touching tribute to friends that left us way too soon. It made me remember to think twice when I decide how I'm getting to and from the bar. Unfortunately the same message didn't reach Nick. It should have though, J.D. was his cousin.
Rest in Peace pal.
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