(Quick self-synopsis of this post: Kids don't respect their elders. I don't get kids these days. But it's funny so I'm posting it anyways.)
I don't go to as many local shows as I used to. The main reason is because I always feel like old man river when I go. Case in point, last Saturday's Novacain show.
The opening band (Jikoyokusei Shoukogun) was a bunch of high school kids clad in mesh and pleather. They played songs that they thought were dark and brooding but they were really just whiney. One song was actually called "Comfort Cyanide", a name that screams stereotype so loudly they might as well have called it "Cutty McCutmyself". The lead singer also felt the need to wear a black (obviously) skin tight shirt even though he had the biggest titties in a band where he was the only guy. He had some sort of Michael Jackson post-rhinoplasty thing on his face and was also the pleather offender. (I'd feel bad about making fun of a kid, but he probably doesn't care about my "conformist" views anyways. That and I'm a dick.)
Like with a lot of local shows without an age limit, the Blackwater was full of that band's friends who were all probably dropped off in their mom's minivan. They proceeded to cheer some of the most generic songs I've heard since I was in high school and thought Luxt was cool. Mostly they seemed amazed that the female drummer could passably work a double bass. (Even though it broke twice during the show.)
After apologizing to my own eardrums after that set, the solo version of Alitak (the band/person I came to see) took the stage. And he was talked over the entire time by the high school kids (No doubt they were talking about how cool their assumed Japanese names were). We sat through their entire set and I even stifled a groan when they decided to "treat" us to a replaying of their first song (I know, I'm a saint.), but apparently nobody told them that respect is a two-way street (cliché alert!) as Alitak actually got to the point where he stopped mid-song and pretty much told them to shut the fuck up. In actuality he channeled his inner high school teacher and lectured them about respecting the artists....twice during a 20 minute set.
God I fear for the future. But for reals, get off my lawn.
Showing posts with label rambling posts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rambling posts. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
A quick lesson in marketing from El Duké
Alright, fuck this. I'm not letting this happen again. One of the biggest issues I had with the EliteXC fights a couple of months ago (besides the fact that I was in the minority that paid) was that whoever was in charge of advertising did a piss poor job. I'm no ad expert. Shit, I don't even watch Mad Men. But even I know that if you wait until the last possible second to advertise an event, nobody's going to show up. Then you're going to have to give away more than 50% of the tickets, and nobody will buy tickets next time around because they'll just wait for the week-of freakout where seemingly every radio station is giving away tickets. We all watched it happen with EliteXC and sadly it looks like it's happening again.
In less than a month the Kings are playing the Clippers in a preseason game at the Spanos Center. First time they've done so since the 80s (or early 90s if you want to count scrimmages with the Warriors). You probably wouldn't know about it unless you happened to catch the initial announcement a month ago. And that's really fucking depressing.
Most people who know me know that I'm a huge Kings fan. So when some of my not-so-tech savvy friends (i.e. friends over the age of 40) ask me about the game, I'm usually one of the only resources the have.
"When's the game?"
"Wed. October 15th"
"Who are they playing?"
"The Clippers."
"How much is it?"
"Tickets are between $10 and $250."
I've had that conversation roughly 800 times in the past week. Which shows me three things. A. I have too many friends over the age of 40. B. People are genuinely interested in the game. (Which is encouraging) and C. Whoever's in charge of advertising is doing a horrible job.
We're less than a month away from this game and people don't even know when the fuck it is. Like I said earlier, I'm not an ad guy, but even I know to properly advertise an event. You have to pound it into our skulls for about a month using every medium available so the ticket buying public (including the people who still haven't figured out how to send e-mail) actually knows when the game is and can budget for tickets accordingly. This is where EliteXC failed horribly. During the week preceeding the EliteXC fights, people would ask me what I was doing for the weekend and my response was universal. "I'm going to the fights." Sadly, the response to that was also universal. "What fights?"
When Stockton gets events like these they should be treated like the big fucking deal that they are. (Insert ironic "Event City" joke here) If you treat the events that actually choose to come to Stockton like they're just any old event, then they're going to be perceived as such. Now, I know we're all a little cautious to get excited about an event after the debacle that was the Stockton Rodeo. But this isn't some douchebag with a cowboy hat and a bag full of dreams, this is the fucking Maloof brothers we're talking about. If they're going to fuck us over, they'll probably do it with actual hookers.
In less than a month the Kings are playing the Clippers in a preseason game at the Spanos Center. First time they've done so since the 80s (or early 90s if you want to count scrimmages with the Warriors). You probably wouldn't know about it unless you happened to catch the initial announcement a month ago. And that's really fucking depressing.
Most people who know me know that I'm a huge Kings fan. So when some of my not-so-tech savvy friends (i.e. friends over the age of 40) ask me about the game, I'm usually one of the only resources the have.
"When's the game?"
"Wed. October 15th"
"Who are they playing?"
"The Clippers."
"How much is it?"
"Tickets are between $10 and $250."
I've had that conversation roughly 800 times in the past week. Which shows me three things. A. I have too many friends over the age of 40. B. People are genuinely interested in the game. (Which is encouraging) and C. Whoever's in charge of advertising is doing a horrible job.
We're less than a month away from this game and people don't even know when the fuck it is. Like I said earlier, I'm not an ad guy, but even I know to properly advertise an event. You have to pound it into our skulls for about a month using every medium available so the ticket buying public (including the people who still haven't figured out how to send e-mail) actually knows when the game is and can budget for tickets accordingly. This is where EliteXC failed horribly. During the week preceeding the EliteXC fights, people would ask me what I was doing for the weekend and my response was universal. "I'm going to the fights." Sadly, the response to that was also universal. "What fights?"
When Stockton gets events like these they should be treated like the big fucking deal that they are. (Insert ironic "Event City" joke here) If you treat the events that actually choose to come to Stockton like they're just any old event, then they're going to be perceived as such. Now, I know we're all a little cautious to get excited about an event after the debacle that was the Stockton Rodeo. But this isn't some douchebag with a cowboy hat and a bag full of dreams, this is the fucking Maloof brothers we're talking about. If they're going to fuck us over, they'll probably do it with actual hookers.
Now of course this wouldn't be a proper post if I didn't blame somebody for whatever egregious error in judgement we're posting about. Unfortunatly with this situation, it's a complicated answer. It's pretty much everybody's fault.
It's IFG's fault because they've turned the Arena into such a money pit that the Kings were afraid that they wouldn't sell enough tickets to make the event seem respectable. Feel free to read that again. Let it sink in. A professional sports franchise wants so little to do with our Arena that they preferred to have a preseason game at a venue a quarter of the size of their normal venue as opposed to half. If you want any proof as to how shitty of a job IFG has done promoting the city and the arena, this is as good as an example as any I've heard.
It's also (obviously) The Record's fault. They're too busy telling us to go to their Literacy Fair, or assailing our eyeballs with Lori Gilbert's bullshit, or breaking the shocking news that Al Davis is fucking Looney Tunes, when they should really be beating it into our brains that we have an opportunity to show that can support and want decent sized events. I understand that they apparently have a sports staff of 3, but can't they at least fucking call Bobby Jackson and ask him about how it's going to feel playing in front of Kings fans again? I'm not even asking for hardball questions. I'm flat out begging for a puff piece on the Kings. Anything. ONE WEEK UNTIL TRAINING CAMP STARTS. Whoops, sorry. Got a little out of control there. But really guys, at least fake like you're making an effort.
It's also (sadly) the Kings' fault. As far as I can tell, they've also done jack shit to promote the event. Of course they could care less how they do here. They gave it a shot, if it doesn't work they'll just go back to having preseason games in Reno. But at the very least they could send Spencer Hawes down here to take hilariously awkward photos. (Yes, I'm almost certain that is the real Spencer Hawes' MySpace.)
And lastly, it's our fault. Yes, I mean you. I love being a cheap bastard as much as the next guy (and don't even get me started on Bris Isaak), but if you don't support at least some of the shit that comes our way nobody will come. We might have to pay money to see shitty acts like Brian Reegan or Gordon Lightfoot in order to get decent acts that don't cater exclusively to the Latino crowd. I know this may come as a shock, but steady ticket sales count. While I admire everyone's patience in waiting for radio freebies, those free tickets do jack shit for paid attendence figures. (You know, the important figures) (Note: I have no idea how this sentence got omitted from the original posting. Are we the only blog without fucking grammar Nazis ready to pounce at the misuse of a semi-colon?) Also, stop fucking attacking Morrissey when he graces us with his presence. That doesn't look good for other fucking awesome acts that otherwise wouldn't wipe their ass with our newspaper. (You think emo kids are bad? Imagine if we somehow booked Carlos Santana.)
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Your quick guide to the General Plan
The General Plan of 20fucking forever has been in the news a lot lately. A lot of legal wrangling and posturing has gone on during the past 685 years they've been trying to hammer this thing out and it can get fairly confusing pretty easily. (We're still not sure what Morada's beef is if they've already agreed to not go east of 99.) We thought it would be nice to try and put all the info on it in an easy to navigate place for people who search the intertubes for more info on it (since recordnet.com is decidedly not easy to navigate.). Plus we've added all the bias not included in the Record since we're not a respectable news organization like them and can do stuff like that.
After God knows how long, the City Council approved the General Plan of 2035 near the end of last year. It was a fairly shitty plan that presumably gave Alex Spanos' wallet a boner (Yes, his wallet has a penis. It's a Greek thing.) and pushed Stockton's boundries even further outward, therefore stretching Stockton's public services even thinner. But hey, the City Council agreed on something, party time.
Then the hippies decided it wasn't good enough. They (somewhat rightfully) claimed that Stockton's plan was too ambitious and the construction of all that housing would be too harmful to the environment. Not to mention it possibly would have pushed Stockton's boundries so far north that they might have run out of farmland to pave over. The city tried to promise it'd think about the environment. Nobody bought it (because let's face it, it was said by a city official.) so State Attorney General Jerry Brown got involved. The city then hemmed and hawed for a little bit, presumably to gage what their chances of winning the lawsuit were. Then finally relented and amended the plan.
But wait! There's more!
Where's my pudding?
Everybody's favorite old, crusty Greek guy took some time from dealing with getting royally fucked on Sunday to say there was a royal fucking going on in Stockton! Who's getting fucked? US!? Oh shit! But I'm Joe Taxpayer, I demand more jobs and I want them now! Give them to me Mayor Chavez!
In actuality A.G. Spanos Cos is just pissed they/we were left out of the discussion about the settlement. (Even though they were the first to ask about the settlement at a meeting a couple of week ago.) Plus if Stockton decides to impose the green standards they're required to consider under the new plan, it would cost them a shitload more cash. So what do you do when someone tells you "No" for a fairly decent reason? File another lawsuit of course.
It also helps to take a full page out in the paper (because god forbid that ad space be filled with actual news). Plus, it helps to give yourself a buzzword-filled name like Alliance for Responsible Planning to show you really care about us. Then make wild claims like the new hippy-friendly plan means less jobs for Stockton, even though nobody really knows exactly how many jobs will result from the General Plan.
We could go on. Jesus Tapdancing Christ we could go on. But you should be up to speed on what's going on. The Recordnet blogs also have really stepped up to the plate in General Plan coverage. David Siders (who was the writer for like every story we just linked to) has some interesting shit about the plan in his blog if you're not too overloaded on political posturing. Fitzy's also been on top of things as of late (and by "as of late" we mean he started yesterday. But we suspect that's more a result of his practice of writing follow up blogs about columns he just fucking wrote), including a post about a chat he had with ex-Mayor Podesto (who we hear knows a thing or two about referendums).
After God knows how long, the City Council approved the General Plan of 2035 near the end of last year. It was a fairly shitty plan that presumably gave Alex Spanos' wallet a boner (Yes, his wallet has a penis. It's a Greek thing.) and pushed Stockton's boundries even further outward, therefore stretching Stockton's public services even thinner. But hey, the City Council agreed on something, party time.
Then the hippies decided it wasn't good enough. They (somewhat rightfully) claimed that Stockton's plan was too ambitious and the construction of all that housing would be too harmful to the environment. Not to mention it possibly would have pushed Stockton's boundries so far north that they might have run out of farmland to pave over. The city tried to promise it'd think about the environment. Nobody bought it (because let's face it, it was said by a city official.) so State Attorney General Jerry Brown got involved. The city then hemmed and hawed for a little bit, presumably to gage what their chances of winning the lawsuit were. Then finally relented and amended the plan.
But wait! There's more!
Where's my pudding?
Everybody's favorite old, crusty Greek guy took some time from dealing with getting royally fucked on Sunday to say there was a royal fucking going on in Stockton! Who's getting fucked? US!? Oh shit! But I'm Joe Taxpayer, I demand more jobs and I want them now! Give them to me Mayor Chavez!
In actuality A.G. Spanos Cos is just pissed they/we were left out of the discussion about the settlement. (Even though they were the first to ask about the settlement at a meeting a couple of week ago.) Plus if Stockton decides to impose the green standards they're required to consider under the new plan, it would cost them a shitload more cash. So what do you do when someone tells you "No" for a fairly decent reason? File another lawsuit of course.
It also helps to take a full page out in the paper (because god forbid that ad space be filled with actual news). Plus, it helps to give yourself a buzzword-filled name like Alliance for Responsible Planning to show you really care about us. Then make wild claims like the new hippy-friendly plan means less jobs for Stockton, even though nobody really knows exactly how many jobs will result from the General Plan.
We could go on. Jesus Tapdancing Christ we could go on. But you should be up to speed on what's going on. The Recordnet blogs also have really stepped up to the plate in General Plan coverage. David Siders (who was the writer for like every story we just linked to) has some interesting shit about the plan in his blog if you're not too overloaded on political posturing. Fitzy's also been on top of things as of late (and by "as of late" we mean he started yesterday. But we suspect that's more a result of his practice of writing follow up blogs about columns he just fucking wrote), including a post about a chat he had with ex-Mayor Podesto (who we hear knows a thing or two about referendums).
Monday, September 8, 2008
New Drinking Policy? More like New Stinking Policy
A few weeks ago I read an interesting story about the Presidents of Duke, Syracuse, Ohio State, and 90 or so other colleges who signed a letter requesting the federal government lower the legal drinking age to 18 to help curb binge drinking. (Note: Imagine our surprise when we discovered in this USA Today article that binge drinking is described as "four or five drinks in one sitting." We call that "settling in", but to each their own I guess.) The gist of the President's letter is that college students regardless of age are going to drink. Studies (that USA Today link) have shown that binge drinking actually decreases once a person hits the legal drinking age, so why not lower the legal drinking age to help curb excessive drinking.
It's an enlightened idea. Of course MADD got pissed and said that those colleges obviously don't care about the children and wouldn't enforce drinking ages. Which is hilarious because if they just read the study they'd know that the goal is to decrease excessive drinking. God those bitches are nuts. In fact they're so nuts, it reminded me of a certain local college's archaic stance towards alcohol.
A friend of ours alerted us to the newly revised university drinking policy which outright bans hard liquor anywhere on campus and limits the amount of beer a person can have to just a six-pack. (Scroll down to page 17) Drinking games have been prohibited. We also heard (but couldn't find anywhere in the "Tiger Lore" booklet) that for some random reason banned hookah. (For those of you who don't remember the hookah fad of 2004, hookah is flavored tobacco smoked in a bong-resembling water pipe by fictional catapillars and Persians.)
Trying to control alcohol consumption on a college campus is about as ambitious an idea as trying to tell basketball players to not fuck hot drunk girls, it just isn't going to happen.
What is going to happen? Attempting to limit the quality and quantity of hooch on campus is only going to result in off campus parties. So instead of some drunk stumbling across campus, you get and increase in drunk drivers on the roads surrounding The Island. College kids are going to drink. They're going to drink a lot. A half-assed attempt at prohibition is, according to that USA Today article we linked to earlier, only going to increase extreme drinking.
We're not saying UOP should just give up like MADD says the Presidents of Duke and Syracuse are doing. What we are saying is limiting drinks at the Lair to 3 or banning the drinks that actually get you drunk is just flat out ignorant.
Oh, and thanks to El Duké for the awesome headline. It's why he was brought on.
It's an enlightened idea. Of course MADD got pissed and said that those colleges obviously don't care about the children and wouldn't enforce drinking ages. Which is hilarious because if they just read the study they'd know that the goal is to decrease excessive drinking. God those bitches are nuts. In fact they're so nuts, it reminded me of a certain local college's archaic stance towards alcohol.
A friend of ours alerted us to the newly revised university drinking policy which outright bans hard liquor anywhere on campus and limits the amount of beer a person can have to just a six-pack. (Scroll down to page 17) Drinking games have been prohibited. We also heard (but couldn't find anywhere in the "Tiger Lore" booklet) that for some random reason banned hookah. (For those of you who don't remember the hookah fad of 2004, hookah is flavored tobacco smoked in a bong-resembling water pipe by fictional catapillars and Persians.)
Trying to control alcohol consumption on a college campus is about as ambitious an idea as trying to tell basketball players to not fuck hot drunk girls, it just isn't going to happen.
What is going to happen? Attempting to limit the quality and quantity of hooch on campus is only going to result in off campus parties. So instead of some drunk stumbling across campus, you get and increase in drunk drivers on the roads surrounding The Island. College kids are going to drink. They're going to drink a lot. A half-assed attempt at prohibition is, according to that USA Today article we linked to earlier, only going to increase extreme drinking.
We're not saying UOP should just give up like MADD says the Presidents of Duke and Syracuse are doing. What we are saying is limiting drinks at the Lair to 3 or banning the drinks that actually get you drunk is just flat out ignorant.
Oh, and thanks to El Duké for the awesome headline. It's why he was brought on.
Friday, September 5, 2008
BWDW Special Edition: Goodbye Jack's Back
We hadn't really planned on doing a BWDW last week. Initially we were planning on doing 2 a month or so. Slick even planned on some gay camping retreat. But we got some horrific news last week that warranted doing this special edition of Bars We're Down With. We're ditching the typical scoring format because this isn't as much an induction as it is a eulogy. Jack's Back has closed down.
Jack's Back was also the first bar I was ever considered a regular at. Whenever I strolled in, Amanda (aka the best bartender ever) would have two Jagerbombs ready within the next minute. I don't even search the jukebox anymore. I just know that 7113 will get me Strokin' by Clarence Carter. 2502 will get me Night Moves by Bob Seger.
I've been trying to find a way to properly eulogize Jack's, and I realized I have more bar stories from Jack's than any other bar. So here's a few classic Jack's experiences over the years. If there's anybody reading this who has some, post them in the comments.
Jack's Back is the only bar that I've been 86'ed from and even that only lasted a grand total of 3 hours.
Owner Jack Morgan is a hilarious SOB and could be seen there most nights telling one of his 800,000 hilarious jokes, none of which I remember because I was usually14 or 15 4 or 5 drinks in by the time he told me one.
His lady Sally once tried to kick us all out at midnight because she thought it was 2 am. After about 15 mins she realized she was wrong and bought us all a shot. We all needed a smoke break anyways.
The ongoing saga of Lynn's employment there has kept me entertained for the better part of the last 2 and a half years. One week she's there, then bam she's gone for a month. I never asked what happened, I just knew she'd probably be back within a couple weeks.
Jack's is the bar where a Mexican guy who I'd never met before and who didn't speak a lick of English walked up the bartender and pantomimed that he'd like to bum a smoke. When handed a cigarette he scowled and shook his head. He was asking the bartender if he could bum a joint.
I once relayed one too many bar stories to my girlfriend to the point that she thought I was cheating on her with Amanda and she forbade me from going there. So I broke up with her. I later found out she was cheating on me the whole time. Cunt.
To this day Wiley and I still believe some sort of black hole in the women's bathroom at Jack's ate the cueball.
And probably most important of all. Jack's Back is where I first got the nickname of The Duke.
The going away party was awesome. Within 10 minutes of being there some drunk lady was telling me she got a vibe from me that I was going to be a congressman or even President as long as I don't let a woman hold me back. Yes, Jack's was in full form Saturday. Nowhere was that more evident than during the roast session in the back amongst the most hardcore of Jack's regulars. I'm going to miss Karl. Jack himself failed to show up, which was disappointing. Everybody agreed that Amanda needed to be behind the bar but Action Jackson wasn't there to give it the OK. So we reminisced about the glory days of Amanda and Lynn's employment there. My best recollection is that I downed the last pitchers of Hefeweizen and Natty Light left in the taps. After an unusually early last call (about 1:15 bar time), I downed a final Jagerbomb with everybody's favorite bartender and headed out as my songs finally hit the jukebox. It was as fitting a goodbye to a good friend as I could've expected.
Jack's Back was also the first bar I was ever considered a regular at. Whenever I strolled in, Amanda (aka the best bartender ever) would have two Jagerbombs ready within the next minute. I don't even search the jukebox anymore. I just know that 7113 will get me Strokin' by Clarence Carter. 2502 will get me Night Moves by Bob Seger.
I've been trying to find a way to properly eulogize Jack's, and I realized I have more bar stories from Jack's than any other bar. So here's a few classic Jack's experiences over the years. If there's anybody reading this who has some, post them in the comments.
Jack's Back is the only bar that I've been 86'ed from and even that only lasted a grand total of 3 hours.
Owner Jack Morgan is a hilarious SOB and could be seen there most nights telling one of his 800,000 hilarious jokes, none of which I remember because I was usually
His lady Sally once tried to kick us all out at midnight because she thought it was 2 am. After about 15 mins she realized she was wrong and bought us all a shot. We all needed a smoke break anyways.
The ongoing saga of Lynn's employment there has kept me entertained for the better part of the last 2 and a half years. One week she's there, then bam she's gone for a month. I never asked what happened, I just knew she'd probably be back within a couple weeks.
Jack's is the bar where a Mexican guy who I'd never met before and who didn't speak a lick of English walked up the bartender and pantomimed that he'd like to bum a smoke. When handed a cigarette he scowled and shook his head. He was asking the bartender if he could bum a joint.
I once relayed one too many bar stories to my girlfriend to the point that she thought I was cheating on her with Amanda and she forbade me from going there. So I broke up with her. I later found out she was cheating on me the whole time. Cunt.
To this day Wiley and I still believe some sort of black hole in the women's bathroom at Jack's ate the cueball.
And probably most important of all. Jack's Back is where I first got the nickname of The Duke.
The going away party was awesome. Within 10 minutes of being there some drunk lady was telling me she got a vibe from me that I was going to be a congressman or even President as long as I don't let a woman hold me back. Yes, Jack's was in full form Saturday. Nowhere was that more evident than during the roast session in the back amongst the most hardcore of Jack's regulars. I'm going to miss Karl. Jack himself failed to show up, which was disappointing. Everybody agreed that Amanda needed to be behind the bar but Action Jackson wasn't there to give it the OK. So we reminisced about the glory days of Amanda and Lynn's employment there. My best recollection is that I downed the last pitchers of Hefeweizen and Natty Light left in the taps. After an unusually early last call (about 1:15 bar time), I downed a final Jagerbomb with everybody's favorite bartender and headed out as my songs finally hit the jukebox. It was as fitting a goodbye to a good friend as I could've expected.
Monday, August 25, 2008
The first ever Bar We're Down With
Not to brag or anything, but we like to consider ourselves an accomplished group of drinkers. Mostly because there's absolutely nothing else to do in this town but get shitty drunk (and watch movies...while shitty drunk). So it seemed only natural that when Duke came aboard we would put our expertise together to give you a list of the best bars in the area.
There are some that are decent, but only these select few will be considered the cream of the crop, a full head, shoulders, and set of huge chesticles above the rest.
Two Fridays ago we posted the criteria, this week we bring you the first inductee in the inaugrual 2008 class of Bars We're Down With (name subject to change). It was a painstaking process to decide which bars to induct. Drinks were drank, girls were unsuccessfully hit on, fights happened, friendships forever altered.
In the end, we came up with a list that will probably change before the year is over. But for now we have an inductee. (Note: Inductees are inducted in no particular order) Following the meticulously laid out judging criteria, we give you...
Fat's has always been a place near and dear to our hearts. Duke spent at least a little bit of pretty much every day of 2007 there. They're always the first place we consider for Mardi Gras. And they have a fantastic crab feed every year. Not to mention that their yearly party bus to and A's game (pictured above) is an awesome excuse to start drinking at 8am on a Sunday.
When we were pretty much extensions of the bar stools the place was owned by Mike. Who's pretty much one of the awesomest dudes around. This year he sold the place to Fat's employees Ben (again, pictured above) and Teresa who have kept the torch of awesomeness alive and well. And of course before we go to the scorecards we would get our asses kicked if we didn't mention that Jenae is 35 different types of awesome. Of course, we've always had a soft spot in our hearts for former female high school wrestlers. Alright, to the judges...
Drink Prices: 7
Maybe as semi-regulars we're probably a bit biased in this (and probably all) categories. That being said I've never felt the prices at Fat's were unfair. They claim to be a restaurant first and a bar second but they still have prices on par with most bars. Going by memory I believe it's $3 for a domestic draft and $4 for an import. I could be off by a dollar or two, looks like I'll have to go back and do more research.
Variety and Quality of Alcohol: 9
Fats boasts an impressive collection of draft beers. Last I checked it was around 30 or so beers ranging from Budweiser to Fat Tire. And don't think we're just beer snobs here, they're collection of hard liquor is also quite a sight to behold. Including those fancy Jagermeister on tap machines (they have Patron ones too) and a Slushie machine that chugs out margaritas.
Proximity to Other Bars: 6
Fats is kind of on an island in it's shopping center. Tora Sushi and John's Incredible Pizza are the nearest establishments that serve alcohol, but those are primarily restaurants, and John's doesn't even have hard liquor. The Graduate is a short jaunt away as is BJ's and Chili's. If you're feeling frisky you can try going to Valley Brew. But if you do, please take a cab. Those UOP cops are always itching for someone to pull over.
Munchies: 10
This, above all else, is Fats' shining star. Their menu is downright impressive. If you're eating on the cheap you can get so Sopapillas. If you have a little bit of scratch to throw around I suggest getting a pizza. It is the unrivaled best pizza in Stockton. BJ's can suck a dick if they think they even belong in the same sentence as Fats'. If you feel like eating until you explode and throw up and eat some more, you can try the Fat's feast. It involves steak, ribs, and I think shrimp. But that's only if you feel like spending a month on the shitter.
Swimsuit Competition: 7
Last I checked, Fats had predominantly male bartenders. So we extended it to their waitresses too. Which is really where they shine in this category. Unfortunately, I think we've sat at a table at Fats all of twice. So we haven't exactly spent the optimal amount of time judging in this category. Luckily their score was also boosted by the women on the aforementioned party bus. Oh hey, more pictures...
Wow, maybe 7 was a bit conservative. Especially for that hottie in the back.
There are some that are decent, but only these select few will be considered the cream of the crop, a full head, shoulders, and set of huge chesticles above the rest.
Two Fridays ago we posted the criteria, this week we bring you the first inductee in the inaugrual 2008 class of Bars We're Down With (name subject to change). It was a painstaking process to decide which bars to induct. Drinks were drank, girls were unsuccessfully hit on, fights happened, friendships forever altered.
In the end, we came up with a list that will probably change before the year is over. But for now we have an inductee. (Note: Inductees are inducted in no particular order) Following the meticulously laid out judging criteria, we give you...
Fats Bar and Grill Grill and Bar
Fats owner Ben on the left. The man, the myth, the legend, Muff on the right. Party bus in background.
Fats owner Ben on the left. The man, the myth, the legend, Muff on the right. Party bus in background.
Fat's has always been a place near and dear to our hearts. Duke spent at least a little bit of pretty much every day of 2007 there. They're always the first place we consider for Mardi Gras. And they have a fantastic crab feed every year. Not to mention that their yearly party bus to and A's game (pictured above) is an awesome excuse to start drinking at 8am on a Sunday.
When we were pretty much extensions of the bar stools the place was owned by Mike. Who's pretty much one of the awesomest dudes around. This year he sold the place to Fat's employees Ben (again, pictured above) and Teresa who have kept the torch of awesomeness alive and well. And of course before we go to the scorecards we would get our asses kicked if we didn't mention that Jenae is 35 different types of awesome. Of course, we've always had a soft spot in our hearts for former female high school wrestlers. Alright, to the judges...
Drink Prices: 7
Maybe as semi-regulars we're probably a bit biased in this (and probably all) categories. That being said I've never felt the prices at Fat's were unfair. They claim to be a restaurant first and a bar second but they still have prices on par with most bars. Going by memory I believe it's $3 for a domestic draft and $4 for an import. I could be off by a dollar or two, looks like I'll have to go back and do more research.
Variety and Quality of Alcohol: 9
Fats boasts an impressive collection of draft beers. Last I checked it was around 30 or so beers ranging from Budweiser to Fat Tire. And don't think we're just beer snobs here, they're collection of hard liquor is also quite a sight to behold. Including those fancy Jagermeister on tap machines (they have Patron ones too) and a Slushie machine that chugs out margaritas.
Proximity to Other Bars: 6
Fats is kind of on an island in it's shopping center. Tora Sushi and John's Incredible Pizza are the nearest establishments that serve alcohol, but those are primarily restaurants, and John's doesn't even have hard liquor. The Graduate is a short jaunt away as is BJ's and Chili's. If you're feeling frisky you can try going to Valley Brew. But if you do, please take a cab. Those UOP cops are always itching for someone to pull over.
Munchies: 10
This, above all else, is Fats' shining star. Their menu is downright impressive. If you're eating on the cheap you can get so Sopapillas. If you have a little bit of scratch to throw around I suggest getting a pizza. It is the unrivaled best pizza in Stockton. BJ's can suck a dick if they think they even belong in the same sentence as Fats'. If you feel like eating until you explode and throw up and eat some more, you can try the Fat's feast. It involves steak, ribs, and I think shrimp. But that's only if you feel like spending a month on the shitter.
Swimsuit Competition: 7
Last I checked, Fats had predominantly male bartenders. So we extended it to their waitresses too. Which is really where they shine in this category. Unfortunately, I think we've sat at a table at Fats all of twice. So we haven't exactly spent the optimal amount of time judging in this category. Luckily their score was also boosted by the women on the aforementioned party bus. Oh hey, more pictures...
Wow, maybe 7 was a bit conservative. Especially for that hottie in the back.
Now that we've gotten that pesky scorecard out of the way, we'll each give you our parting words. More than likely these will be super inside stories that only 4 people will get. But hey, that's how a lot of hall of fame-esque inductions go. We tried to track down Briss Issak, that's what delayed the post. If he sends me his piece before this gets posted Monday, it'll be here. If not, we've found someone even less dedicated than Duke is to Vegas Kings.
Since this is my site, I get to go first. And in honor of our missing friend, it'll only be one sentence. "I've never seen her be affectionate towards men before." Take it away Duke.
Doesn't that just mean...oh wait, we've been over this already. Like Slick stated earlier, I spent pretty much every day of 2007 in Fats. And as I've said before, I'm only half as much of an alcoholic as that statement makes me sound like. I used to work next door and am pretty much the reason for getting those two over to Fats. There's too many stories to tell, Slick touched on one. One of my favorites it when I soloed it to the Kings Viewing Party they held there last season. It resulted in one of my favorite articles/columns/posts I've ever written. So if we leave with anything it has to be the mental image of a man dressed like a lion signing autographs in a bar, then serving me a beer.
Since this is my site, I get to go first. And in honor of our missing friend, it'll only be one sentence. "I've never seen her be affectionate towards men before." Take it away Duke.
Doesn't that just mean...oh wait, we've been over this already. Like Slick stated earlier, I spent pretty much every day of 2007 in Fats. And as I've said before, I'm only half as much of an alcoholic as that statement makes me sound like. I used to work next door and am pretty much the reason for getting those two over to Fats. There's too many stories to tell, Slick touched on one. One of my favorites it when I soloed it to the Kings Viewing Party they held there last season. It resulted in one of my favorite articles/columns/posts I've ever written. So if we leave with anything it has to be the mental image of a man dressed like a lion signing autographs in a bar, then serving me a beer.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
El Duke visits the new UOP University Center (It's fancy, and green)
One of the advantages blogging has over print media is we can get our stories to you right away instead of the next morning. So in an effort to scoop the Record (again), I'm getting my review on.
UOP's brand spankin' new University Center opened today and as a way todrum up press test the new facility, they gave away free lunches to pretty much anybody who walked in with a confused look on their face. Yours truly included.
Personally I was hoping that the new campus pub the Tiger's Lair would be giving away free brewskis, but I knew that wasn't the case. I would have tried but as soon as I walked in I knew I was going to be in for a long wait for my free lunch and soda (finally with free refills!), so I picked one of the 37 lines that protruded out of the Marketplace (their fancy name for the cafeteria) and promptly realized I was in the wrong line.
Eventually one of the many Pacific staffers on hand enthusiastically handed me a map and gave me a quick guided tour of the 5 available food stations. Which I will now list if for no other reason than to show of their hilarious names:
On Exhibition
Apparently this means grilled items. Like burgers and and such.
Grainery/Deli
Technically they're two separate station, but one's bread and soup and shit. The other's the sandwich station. Bet you can't guess which is which!
Pacific Rim
Asian food. Allegedly including sushi. And other various Oriental delights.
Classics
All that classic food your mom used to make like spaghetti, meatloaf, and chicken.
Taqueria
This is a Stockton based blog, I shouldn't have to explain what a Taqueria is.
There's also a salad bar and a coffee shop on the first floor in the general vicinity of the Marketplace. But those cost money so I didn't even go near them.
I opted for the Oriental section, mostly because in the old Summit (the previous cafeteria-type place) that meant a bowl of rice with stir fry on top. As I approached the station, I realized that was not the case. Instead of a made when you order it rice bowl, the Asian station has turned into pretty much a cafeteria-style experience. You have your tray, you tell the person behind the counter what you want, and they scoop it out of another tray and hand you a plate with your food on it. Maybe the the Summit spoiled me (As a college age resident of Stockton, I've spent my fair share of time at UOP). Granted, this new system isn't a bad thing, I'm just a creature of habit. While disappointed that I didn't have my rice bowl, I was happy that I was able to get my food almost immediately (that "almost" being the line). Before, while waiting for the rice bowl, you had to kind of stand around with a usually huge line behind you while waiting for the stir fry to..well..fry. Time is the price for freshness.
I was also happy that they finally added some variety. Before, the rice bowl was the extent of the Asian cuisine experience at UOP. Well, unless you count the sushi trays. But I make it a general rule to not buy prepackaged sushi sitting in an open air fridge. Just a personal choice, but understandable. But while I was excited to try something new, it also exposed one of my cultural weaknesses. I'm not really up snuff on my Asian foods. I recognized some of the easy ones, there was some chow mein, white and fried rice, and an egg roll. But past that I was at a loss. There was something that was deep fried that tasted kind of sweet and soury, but didn't have any sweet and sour sauce. (Unless they cooked it into the deep fry batter McGriddle style. If so, I want to marry that little sweet and sour ball and have its kids.) There was also some sort of vegetable mix that swam around in what I think was teriyaki sauce. (Oh yeah, I'm no food critic either. But we'll get to what I thought of the foods later.)
After I got my food I needed to find something to wash it all down with. On each side of the Marketplace there's fountain drink stations. Unfortunately while there were 6 or so food stations, there were only 2 drink stations. Depressingly this was twice the amount of drink stations the Summit had. (3 times if you count the Lair) After finding which winding line was the one that ended with me getting a drink, I informed the two empty handed people in front of me that this was the drink line. I then handed them my map and they thanked me as they braved the free food frenzy. The drink line took longer than my food line, but that was more because the jackasses in front of me had an undetermined number of people in their group. Sometimes I was only 3 people away, but then 2 of their friends would come back with cups, because they all forgot cups. And then after all of that, the assholes get water. It's free food fuckos! That means load up on the Mt. Dew while it flows like water!
When it was finally my turn I was disappointed to find out that the ice had run out. It was excusable because roughly half the population of Stockton had descended upon the place in search for a free lunch. Although that still didn't take the sting out of waiting 10 minutes for some warm Dr. Pepper.
I expected finding seating to be a bear, but as with the entire time I spent there, UOP was on the ball and expected it. They had plenty of outside seating to accommodate the penny pinching masses. The food was good considering I wasn't sure what to expect with many bites. Although I guess mystery is what you get when you tell the server "just give me a little bit of everything." What can I say? I'm adventurous.
After cleaning my plate (ok, so maybe it was good regardless of the mystery), I realized one big downfall. My plate was an actual plate, not a paper plate. I have to give this back. Yes, I almost immediately realized that the new UC was a green building. Fucking hippies. At first I thought that I had overlooked the disposable to go plates, but then I remembered my plate was handed to me already full of food. If I then wanted to go back and chow down in the dorm of some broad I had picked up earlier in the Lair, I'd have to come back to return the plate. (Because I would never just throw the plate away anyways in that situation.) Also, I remember drinks coming in different sizes so I could enjoy my Dr. Pepper throughout the day. Now I have a small plastic cup. But hey, free refills!
All in all it was a pretty decent experience. I was expecting mass chaos and was pleasantly surprised that I was in and out within a half hour. During free food day no less. The new UC is a sight to behold. Althought hat new water "fountain" is a drunken death waiting to happen. It's basically a rock slate with a half-inch lip, and the water pours over the lip into a grate that recycles the water. Considering it's in front of the building that houses the only legal public drinking place on campus, I'm predicting a "UOP Student's half inch of death" headline sometime in the future.
I hope you enjoyed this semi-review. I'm used to reviewing movies so being a food critic was kind of new to me. But I guarantee this will be better than the inevitable Fitzy column on the place. But we had it here first, so suck it Record.
UOP's brand spankin' new University Center opened today and as a way to
Personally I was hoping that the new campus pub the Tiger's Lair would be giving away free brewskis, but I knew that wasn't the case. I would have tried but as soon as I walked in I knew I was going to be in for a long wait for my free lunch and soda (finally with free refills!), so I picked one of the 37 lines that protruded out of the Marketplace (their fancy name for the cafeteria) and promptly realized I was in the wrong line.
Eventually one of the many Pacific staffers on hand enthusiastically handed me a map and gave me a quick guided tour of the 5 available food stations. Which I will now list if for no other reason than to show of their hilarious names:
On Exhibition
Apparently this means grilled items. Like burgers and and such.
Grainery/Deli
Technically they're two separate station, but one's bread and soup and shit. The other's the sandwich station. Bet you can't guess which is which!
Pacific Rim
Asian food. Allegedly including sushi. And other various Oriental delights.
Classics
All that classic food your mom used to make like spaghetti, meatloaf, and chicken.
Taqueria
This is a Stockton based blog, I shouldn't have to explain what a Taqueria is.
There's also a salad bar and a coffee shop on the first floor in the general vicinity of the Marketplace. But those cost money so I didn't even go near them.
I opted for the Oriental section, mostly because in the old Summit (the previous cafeteria-type place) that meant a bowl of rice with stir fry on top. As I approached the station, I realized that was not the case. Instead of a made when you order it rice bowl, the Asian station has turned into pretty much a cafeteria-style experience. You have your tray, you tell the person behind the counter what you want, and they scoop it out of another tray and hand you a plate with your food on it. Maybe the the Summit spoiled me (As a college age resident of Stockton, I've spent my fair share of time at UOP). Granted, this new system isn't a bad thing, I'm just a creature of habit. While disappointed that I didn't have my rice bowl, I was happy that I was able to get my food almost immediately (that "almost" being the line). Before, while waiting for the rice bowl, you had to kind of stand around with a usually huge line behind you while waiting for the stir fry to..well..fry. Time is the price for freshness.
I was also happy that they finally added some variety. Before, the rice bowl was the extent of the Asian cuisine experience at UOP. Well, unless you count the sushi trays. But I make it a general rule to not buy prepackaged sushi sitting in an open air fridge. Just a personal choice, but understandable. But while I was excited to try something new, it also exposed one of my cultural weaknesses. I'm not really up snuff on my Asian foods. I recognized some of the easy ones, there was some chow mein, white and fried rice, and an egg roll. But past that I was at a loss. There was something that was deep fried that tasted kind of sweet and soury, but didn't have any sweet and sour sauce. (Unless they cooked it into the deep fry batter McGriddle style. If so, I want to marry that little sweet and sour ball and have its kids.) There was also some sort of vegetable mix that swam around in what I think was teriyaki sauce. (Oh yeah, I'm no food critic either. But we'll get to what I thought of the foods later.)
After I got my food I needed to find something to wash it all down with. On each side of the Marketplace there's fountain drink stations. Unfortunately while there were 6 or so food stations, there were only 2 drink stations. Depressingly this was twice the amount of drink stations the Summit had. (3 times if you count the Lair) After finding which winding line was the one that ended with me getting a drink, I informed the two empty handed people in front of me that this was the drink line. I then handed them my map and they thanked me as they braved the free food frenzy. The drink line took longer than my food line, but that was more because the jackasses in front of me had an undetermined number of people in their group. Sometimes I was only 3 people away, but then 2 of their friends would come back with cups, because they all forgot cups. And then after all of that, the assholes get water. It's free food fuckos! That means load up on the Mt. Dew while it flows like water!
When it was finally my turn I was disappointed to find out that the ice had run out. It was excusable because roughly half the population of Stockton had descended upon the place in search for a free lunch. Although that still didn't take the sting out of waiting 10 minutes for some warm Dr. Pepper.
I expected finding seating to be a bear, but as with the entire time I spent there, UOP was on the ball and expected it. They had plenty of outside seating to accommodate the penny pinching masses. The food was good considering I wasn't sure what to expect with many bites. Although I guess mystery is what you get when you tell the server "just give me a little bit of everything." What can I say? I'm adventurous.
After cleaning my plate (ok, so maybe it was good regardless of the mystery), I realized one big downfall. My plate was an actual plate, not a paper plate. I have to give this back. Yes, I almost immediately realized that the new UC was a green building. Fucking hippies. At first I thought that I had overlooked the disposable to go plates, but then I remembered my plate was handed to me already full of food. If I then wanted to go back and chow down in the dorm of some broad I had picked up earlier in the Lair, I'd have to come back to return the plate. (Because I would never just throw the plate away anyways in that situation.) Also, I remember drinks coming in different sizes so I could enjoy my Dr. Pepper throughout the day. Now I have a small plastic cup. But hey, free refills!
All in all it was a pretty decent experience. I was expecting mass chaos and was pleasantly surprised that I was in and out within a half hour. During free food day no less. The new UC is a sight to behold. Althought hat new water "fountain" is a drunken death waiting to happen. It's basically a rock slate with a half-inch lip, and the water pours over the lip into a grate that recycles the water. Considering it's in front of the building that houses the only legal public drinking place on campus, I'm predicting a "UOP Student's half inch of death" headline sometime in the future.
I hope you enjoyed this semi-review. I'm used to reviewing movies so being a food critic was kind of new to me. But I guarantee this will be better than the inevitable Fitzy column on the place. But we had it here first, so suck it Record.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Well, this sucks
Hi, I'm El Duke. I'm the new guy. I'll try and do some official introduction later. But there's more pressing matters. One of my friends died in a motorcycle accident today. His name was Nick and he was a good guy. Yes, I'm aware the linked article says he's in critical condition, but I got a call earlier today that he was brain dead and they were pulling the plug at noon today. He's donating his organs, which is nice, but it doesn't detract from the fact that this death shouldn't have happened. Why? Because he was drunk.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-drinking. I'll throw down with the best of them and can name every bar within a 10 mile radius of my apartment. I'll also admit to driving after having a drink or two, but never too much. I've had to go to too many wakes/memorial services at bars in my short lifetime. In fact, I just went to one a couple weeks ago to commemorate the 1 year anniversary of the drunk driving death of Jeremiah "J.D." Davis and Brandon Baker. It was a touching tribute to friends that left us way too soon. It made me remember to think twice when I decide how I'm getting to and from the bar. Unfortunately the same message didn't reach Nick. It should have though, J.D. was his cousin.
Rest in Peace pal.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-drinking. I'll throw down with the best of them and can name every bar within a 10 mile radius of my apartment. I'll also admit to driving after having a drink or two, but never too much. I've had to go to too many wakes/memorial services at bars in my short lifetime. In fact, I just went to one a couple weeks ago to commemorate the 1 year anniversary of the drunk driving death of Jeremiah "J.D." Davis and Brandon Baker. It was a touching tribute to friends that left us way too soon. It made me remember to think twice when I decide how I'm getting to and from the bar. Unfortunately the same message didn't reach Nick. It should have though, J.D. was his cousin.
Rest in Peace pal.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Solving this "branding" problem
A view from near the top of the Stockton Arena. (Lifted with permission from a friend's myspace)
I should probably point out that my dad's not exactly a big MMA guy. He later asked me if this MMA thing was pretty new and was surprised to hear that MMA wasn't the company we were watching, but the name of the sport in general. He's about as outside an observer as can be, and even he knew it was a big deal. Stockton on national TV in primetime. This was a chance for us to show the entire nation that we weren't just some place where people can't afford their mortgages. If there was ever a time to push the Stockton "brand" this was it. Of course we couldn't count on Stockton, the paper, or even the embarrassment that was Double J to do it for us. Instead, Nick Diaz did it for us by proclaiming during his post fight interview "Real fighters are from Stockton," which caused the crowd to erupt.
That's how you brand a city. Not with bullshit banners. Not by building more fountains. Not by taking down fences. No bullshit Powerpoint presentations. You go on national TV and say that we're tough motherfuckers who never say die. And if there was anybody who could say it, it's Nick Diaz.
There's a reason I chose the handle "Slick Diaz", it's because Nick represents this city. He's had his fair share of adversity from dropping out of high school as a sophomore to having his biggest win stripped from him due to failing a drug test for pot. He's one of the more controversial figures in MMA and every time he fights he has to deal with the same bullshit with people questioning his character, yet he fights through it.
We as a city need to fight the notion that we're a poor, increasingly violent city by showing that we're fighters too. You don't win fights by saying the problem doesn't exist. You attack the problem head on. Instead of building hotels that we don't need or paying some jackass to give us a list of ridiculous ideas we need to concentrate on the real problem, namely our violent crime rate.
If the city really wants to brand the city for tourism reasons, "Celebrate Stockton!" isn't the way to go. We have nothing to celebrate. Last night at the Stockton Arena we were given a reason to celebrate. Stockton's a town for fighting, and as Record Editor Mike Klocke kind of put it (although didn't do a very good job), we've always been a fight town.
While this site's highlighted a lot of the negative in Stockton, that's not saying there's no hope. We're in a fight. Whether it be with the perception of outsiders, the perception of our city leaders, or the perception that the Record is a decent newspaper, we're fighting. Why? Because real fighters are from Stockton.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
We kid because we love
Oh the beautiful Stockton "Your name here, please for the love of God we need the money" Arena
Hey, we're just starting out. So forgive us if this is a little janky for a few weeks. We're on a skeleton crew for a while. (Interested in writing about our beloved local area for no pay? e-mail us
I love Stockton. In fact, let me say it again. I love Stockton. I make a big deal out of this not because the city's paying me to (although if they'd like, they can) but because if we stick with the intent of this blog, people are going to be under the impression that we hate this town. We don't, we criticize because we love. We also criticize because we think The Record does a shitty job at it. Granted The Record does a lot of things shittily (like say, the entire sports section), criticizing city leaders is just one of the things they excel at sucking at.
But we'll have plenty of time to bash The Record later. Trust me, until we get an actual core group of writers, this site will mostly be bashing The Record. Plus we'll also be relying on you. That's right, this site's going to depend on you guys, the eventual readers. We need you to go out there and find the ridiculous stuff that you can really only find around here. Whether it be a firsthand account of a shooting at a bank, overhearing a minor league executive disparage Latinos through hilarious stereotypes, or if you just want to tell us about that random sculpture at the McCaffrey Center at UOP that suspiciously resembles a vagina, we want to see it. (all that stuff, not just the vagina statue.) Not just Stockton stuff either. If it happens anywhere in San Joaquin County, we want it. We might even include Modesto, but no Galt.
Again, don't take these jokes at the expense of our city as a sign of hatred. I've been in way too many
I also disagree because I'm right. I'd detail why I'm right, but that's the point of this blog. There's some weird, fucked up shit that goes on around this place. If we leave it up to city leaders to figure it out, they'll just set up a neighborhood renaissance program in the neighborhood where all the white people are to figure out what's wrong.
Now, I'm not saying we'll figure it out ourselves. That's way too douchy of a claim to make. Instead we'll just poke fun at the place we lovingly call home. So fuck you Sacramento, at least we managed to not give two freeways the same freeway number.
There'll be a lot more in the coming weeks. I apologize if this makes no sense. I'm knocking the rust off.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
