Now that the incredibly depressing news is out of the way, let's see what else is going on in Stockton today in everybody's favorite link dump known as the Quick Links!
Come to Crazy Larry's Discount Homes where our prices are insa-a-ane!
Wooooo! We're #1! We're #1!
Ok, now that we got that out of the way, we gotta say we're kind of disappointed that in light of all the redevelopment efforts the best HGTV can come up with to sell people on Stockton is that we're close to Sacramento and the Bay Area. It's a good thing we paid all those consultants to help market the city with their various ideas on how to "brand" us. Let's ditch "Celebrate Stockton!" like we so quickly ditched "The Event City" and make the new PR campaign be "Stockton: Close to a lot of shit".
Notice how we're disappointed, but not surprised that HGTV decided our proximity to other cities was more important than our own burgeoning music scene, quality bars, downtown as a whole, fighting reputation, and many other positive things. At least they didn't mention our unemployment rate, apparently high levels of misery, or the looming turf war between vigilante groups.
Can't a homeless guy just be homeless?
In a classic case of deja vu (the term, not the strip club), another homeless encampment was broken up yesterday. This one being the camp that replaced the old encampment under the crosstown that was broken up last month. So if Groundhog's Day rules apply here that means somebody's getting hit by a car on the freeway sometime next week. All to improve Stockton's otherwise totally positive public image. And locking out an old lady from her electric wheelchair is always a nice touch. You stay classy Cal Trans.
So it's come down to this... (Note: Probably NSFW)
It's kind of a slow news day so we'll update you on KSK's Nasty Fetish Tourney that we helped out with a couple of weeks ago. All the fetishes featured on our site have gone down in defeat en route to the championship matchup. And what a matchup it is. In the Sophie's Choice of fetishes necrobeastiality takes on close relative, regular beastiality (yes, I just described beastiality as regular. Luckily I'm pretty sure I'm already going to hell). Last I checked necrobeastiality was winning by a large margin, but there are really no losers in this tournament. Except, of course, our innocence. Once this is over, let us never speak of this again.
Showing posts with label you can't see this foreclosure rate. Show all posts
Showing posts with label you can't see this foreclosure rate. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
The return of the Rube of the Month and why I love this city.
After taking a break for the month of December, the Rube of the Month award is back! There's no real reason we didn't pass out this award last month. We just kinda forgot. Plenty of rubeish things happened I'm sure. But that was that month. Now it's 2009. So let's get this shit rolling.
You rube of the month for January is Record Managing Editor Don Blount for this piece of journalistic gold that appeared on Page 2 of the Record last week.
Honestly, we're not entirely sure where to begin. The entire thing is fucking hilarious. It starts out promising enough with the sentence "What comes to mind when thinking of Stockton?" Which is probably the most loaded question ever presented in the Record. Lots of things come to mind when we think of Stockton. None of them appear in this column.
But before we get to what we think of Stockton, let's see what Blount thinks of when he thinks of Stockton.
"...perhaps it's University of the Pacific and its Brubeck Jazz Institute."
Yeah, I don't think of UOP when I think Stockton. Mostly because UOP is only barely in Stockton. Which is an impressive feat considering is smack dab in the middle of the city. One time when trolling the recordnet.com message boards I saw somebody refer to UOP as "the island" and I can't think of a better name for it. UOP doesn't represent Stockton at all. Next!
"Some would argue that crime should be synonymous with a city that traditionally ranks near the top of cities its size for crime, according to FBI crime statistics."
This one at least makes a little sense. And to be honest it probably is what most people think of when they think of Stockton. That doesn't make them right, every city has crime problems. Ours is just bigger. Plus that's kind of a depressing way to think of Stockton. Crime shouldn't define any city. Because, again, every city has it. Same with his claim that foreclosures may define Stockton. Although, foreclosures are at least closer to home. (rimshot) But the foreclosures alone aren't what defines this city, but more on that later.
Let's get to what Don Blount thinks of specifically when he thinks of Stockton, and the main reason he's getting the rube distinction this month. We have to warn you though, we don't suggest reading this next part while eating or drinking anything. Hell, if you're chewing gum you might want to take it out and set it on a napkin for a second. The next couple sentences are a severe choking hazard. You've been warned.
"However, let's put some other words to Stockton. Words like: theater, symphony and opera."
Glad I warned you? Yeah, you're welcome.
It's at this point I thought I was reading a satirical column. There's no way somebody is this disconnected from reality. Especially someone who's job is, you know, the fucking news. Sadly, he was dead serious.
Three things: First, we have a fucking opera? Like fat lady in a Viking helmet singing in Italian? Where the fuck is that? Second, symphony? Really? How many Stocktonians have actually been to a Stockton Symphony concert? I'd really like to know the percentage. I've been but that was solely for a music class at Delta. And it was like pulling teeth. It's quite possibly the stuffiest place in Stockton. Oh no! Someone sneezed during the concerto! Time to write a letter to the Record about nobody respecting the symphony! And third, is he just listing shit he goes to in Stockton? Should my list read "bars, strip clubs, and Food 4 Less"?
But hey, let's continue.
"Most of all, the word that applies to Stockton is home."
Awww, how touching. Of course "home" applies to Stockton. So do the words "city" and "area". But please, be more vague.
Finally he kind of sputters out at the end by saying he likes Stockton despite the myriad of problems that afflict the city. Well gee, thanks.
Only a rube would think any of those things actually represent Stockton. Like I've said, I love Stockton. It's a city that grows on you. Sure, initially you see the crime, the foreclosures, the inexplicable spending of tax dollars and think if it wasn't for those things Stockton might be an OK town. Blount said it himself, he likes the city in spite of all the problems that it has. Well you know what? Fuck that. I love this city because of all the problems it has.
Stockton wouldn't be Stockton without all the weird shit that goes on here. Only in Stockton could escape from jail be as easy as switching uniforms and jumping in another line. Only in Stockton would somebody, after successfully escaping from jail, choose to stay in Stockton instead of fleeing to Mexico. Eric Hu's seen Shawshank, right? Apparently Kelly Drive was his Zihuatenejo.
Only in Stockton could a city be so embarrassed of it's residents. It's really Stockton's biggest problem. The city (and when I say "the city" I mean city government, the decision makers) desperately wants to be something it's not. Just look at Blount's column. Opera, theater and, symphony? Is he talking about Stockton or fucking San Francisco? We're never going to be that kind of city. Stockton leaders are like the awkward nerd in high school who, after years of pining, finally worked up the testicular fortitude to ask the head cheerleader out on a date. Only they're getting unmercifully shut down. It's both hilarious and cringeworthy at the same time. We're like every Michael Cera role ever. We're the George Michael Bluth of cities. And I love that about us.
We love that Stockton's the foreclosure capital of the world? Why? Because it shows we're constantly reaching for a better quality of life. And that's what we think of when we think of Stockton. We're the American fucking dream (Not Dusty Rhodes, and yes, we're aware the cheese-o-meter is pegging right about now). We're a patchwork city of people from every corner of the world. Asians, Latinos, African-Americans, white folk all working hard to provide a better future for the next generation. And sometimes that means buying a house you can't afford. It means doing what you can to be able to afford a better quality of life, even if it means signing a mortgage with a ridiculous interest rate that you don't understand and have to work 12 hours a day to afford (Although if you can find a job/jobs with those kinds of hours you're doing better than most Stocktonians). We're a town of scrappy motherfuckers who have to fight for every opportunity.
Hmmm, when I think of Stockton I think of fighters. Where have I heard that before? Oh wait, I said that 6 months ago. And it still rings true today. Sure, foreclosures mean somebody lost their fight for a better quality of life. But I'd much rather have fought and lost than not fought at all.
When people think of Stockton, they're probably going to think negative things. And you know what? If they want to, that's fine. It's understandable. It's easy to think that way. And while this city seems to find new ways to frustrate me every week, I love it so much that I fight through it. Why? Because as a famous Stocktonian once said, "Real fighters are from Stockton."
You rube of the month for January is Record Managing Editor Don Blount for this piece of journalistic gold that appeared on Page 2 of the Record last week.
Honestly, we're not entirely sure where to begin. The entire thing is fucking hilarious. It starts out promising enough with the sentence "What comes to mind when thinking of Stockton?" Which is probably the most loaded question ever presented in the Record. Lots of things come to mind when we think of Stockton. None of them appear in this column.
But before we get to what we think of Stockton, let's see what Blount thinks of when he thinks of Stockton.
"...perhaps it's University of the Pacific and its Brubeck Jazz Institute."
Yeah, I don't think of UOP when I think Stockton. Mostly because UOP is only barely in Stockton. Which is an impressive feat considering is smack dab in the middle of the city. One time when trolling the recordnet.com message boards I saw somebody refer to UOP as "the island" and I can't think of a better name for it. UOP doesn't represent Stockton at all. Next!
"Some would argue that crime should be synonymous with a city that traditionally ranks near the top of cities its size for crime, according to FBI crime statistics."
This one at least makes a little sense. And to be honest it probably is what most people think of when they think of Stockton. That doesn't make them right, every city has crime problems. Ours is just bigger. Plus that's kind of a depressing way to think of Stockton. Crime shouldn't define any city. Because, again, every city has it. Same with his claim that foreclosures may define Stockton. Although, foreclosures are at least closer to home. (rimshot) But the foreclosures alone aren't what defines this city, but more on that later.
Let's get to what Don Blount thinks of specifically when he thinks of Stockton, and the main reason he's getting the rube distinction this month. We have to warn you though, we don't suggest reading this next part while eating or drinking anything. Hell, if you're chewing gum you might want to take it out and set it on a napkin for a second. The next couple sentences are a severe choking hazard. You've been warned.
"However, let's put some other words to Stockton. Words like: theater, symphony and opera."
Glad I warned you? Yeah, you're welcome.
It's at this point I thought I was reading a satirical column. There's no way somebody is this disconnected from reality. Especially someone who's job is, you know, the fucking news. Sadly, he was dead serious.
Three things: First, we have a fucking opera? Like fat lady in a Viking helmet singing in Italian? Where the fuck is that? Second, symphony? Really? How many Stocktonians have actually been to a Stockton Symphony concert? I'd really like to know the percentage. I've been but that was solely for a music class at Delta. And it was like pulling teeth. It's quite possibly the stuffiest place in Stockton. Oh no! Someone sneezed during the concerto! Time to write a letter to the Record about nobody respecting the symphony! And third, is he just listing shit he goes to in Stockton? Should my list read "bars, strip clubs, and Food 4 Less"?
But hey, let's continue.
"Most of all, the word that applies to Stockton is home."
Awww, how touching. Of course "home" applies to Stockton. So do the words "city" and "area". But please, be more vague.
Finally he kind of sputters out at the end by saying he likes Stockton despite the myriad of problems that afflict the city. Well gee, thanks.
Only a rube would think any of those things actually represent Stockton. Like I've said, I love Stockton. It's a city that grows on you. Sure, initially you see the crime, the foreclosures, the inexplicable spending of tax dollars and think if it wasn't for those things Stockton might be an OK town. Blount said it himself, he likes the city in spite of all the problems that it has. Well you know what? Fuck that. I love this city because of all the problems it has.
Stockton wouldn't be Stockton without all the weird shit that goes on here. Only in Stockton could escape from jail be as easy as switching uniforms and jumping in another line. Only in Stockton would somebody, after successfully escaping from jail, choose to stay in Stockton instead of fleeing to Mexico. Eric Hu's seen Shawshank, right? Apparently Kelly Drive was his Zihuatenejo.
Only in Stockton could a city be so embarrassed of it's residents. It's really Stockton's biggest problem. The city (and when I say "the city" I mean city government, the decision makers) desperately wants to be something it's not. Just look at Blount's column. Opera, theater and, symphony? Is he talking about Stockton or fucking San Francisco? We're never going to be that kind of city. Stockton leaders are like the awkward nerd in high school who, after years of pining, finally worked up the testicular fortitude to ask the head cheerleader out on a date. Only they're getting unmercifully shut down. It's both hilarious and cringeworthy at the same time. We're like every Michael Cera role ever. We're the George Michael Bluth of cities. And I love that about us.
We love that Stockton's the foreclosure capital of the world? Why? Because it shows we're constantly reaching for a better quality of life. And that's what we think of when we think of Stockton. We're the American fucking dream (Not Dusty Rhodes, and yes, we're aware the cheese-o-meter is pegging right about now). We're a patchwork city of people from every corner of the world. Asians, Latinos, African-Americans, white folk all working hard to provide a better future for the next generation. And sometimes that means buying a house you can't afford. It means doing what you can to be able to afford a better quality of life, even if it means signing a mortgage with a ridiculous interest rate that you don't understand and have to work 12 hours a day to afford (Although if you can find a job/jobs with those kinds of hours you're doing better than most Stocktonians). We're a town of scrappy motherfuckers who have to fight for every opportunity.
Hmmm, when I think of Stockton I think of fighters. Where have I heard that before? Oh wait, I said that 6 months ago. And it still rings true today. Sure, foreclosures mean somebody lost their fight for a better quality of life. But I'd much rather have fought and lost than not fought at all.
When people think of Stockton, they're probably going to think negative things. And you know what? If they want to, that's fine. It's understandable. It's easy to think that way. And while this city seems to find new ways to frustrate me every week, I love it so much that I fight through it. Why? Because as a famous Stocktonian once said, "Real fighters are from Stockton."
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Quick Links for Nov. 12th
Sorry for the lack of posts this week. Busy week at that pesky actual job-type thing. Hopefully things will pick up around here as the week progresses. No promises though. But let's knock out some quick links while we got some free time.
I know we just spent the last couple months (unsuccessfully) stumping against segregation, but this plan to desgregate prisons has "bad idea" written all over it. Of course this is coming from a guy who's extent of prison experience is watching "American History X" and "Shawshank". But not "Oz". Good lord not "Oz".
Speaking of prisons, Fitzy's column about the prison medical facility that will eventually be built nearby was a fucking chore to get through. The things we do for you guys. Just don't read it. It's fucking boring and he never comes to a viable conclusion. You know what his conclusion is? We're fucked. That's what it is. We're getting that prison hospital or whatever it is whether we like it or not. Which is something we knew before we wasted 5 minutes our lives reading his dogshit column. This guy's won awards? Really?
In future news, can a campus made of mostly portable buildings be foreclosed on? Probably. So consider this us calling our shot.
Quick! Who wants to help us put together a holiday float for Tracy's tree lighting parade? We're thinking of doing a float dedicated to our favorite holiday movies, Die Hard 1 and 2. Who wants to be Fred Thompson?
This kid has to be the most retarded kid ever. Who the fuck points a fake gun at the fucking SWAT team? When they show up, that's when you set the gun down and say "just kidding guys" and hope they won't pretend to not hear your cries for help as you get gangraped in your holding cell. But I guess pretending like you've got big balls while holding a cheap plastic gun works too.
I know we just spent the last couple months (unsuccessfully) stumping against segregation, but this plan to desgregate prisons has "bad idea" written all over it. Of course this is coming from a guy who's extent of prison experience is watching "American History X" and "Shawshank". But not "Oz". Good lord not "Oz".
Speaking of prisons, Fitzy's column about the prison medical facility that will eventually be built nearby was a fucking chore to get through. The things we do for you guys. Just don't read it. It's fucking boring and he never comes to a viable conclusion. You know what his conclusion is? We're fucked. That's what it is. We're getting that prison hospital or whatever it is whether we like it or not. Which is something we knew before we wasted 5 minutes our lives reading his dogshit column. This guy's won awards? Really?
In future news, can a campus made of mostly portable buildings be foreclosed on? Probably. So consider this us calling our shot.
Quick! Who wants to help us put together a holiday float for Tracy's tree lighting parade? We're thinking of doing a float dedicated to our favorite holiday movies, Die Hard 1 and 2. Who wants to be Fred Thompson?
This kid has to be the most retarded kid ever. Who the fuck points a fake gun at the fucking SWAT team? When they show up, that's when you set the gun down and say "just kidding guys" and hope they won't pretend to not hear your cries for help as you get gangraped in your holding cell. But I guess pretending like you've got big balls while holding a cheap plastic gun works too.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Quick Links for Oct. 24th
So it turns out the answer to our pop quiz was Z. somebody left the stove on. Which..um...fires still start that way? What were they baking? A stack of newspapers? I know of a rube who may have a spare stack.
Your winner, and still the undisputed Foreclosure Champion, Stockton "of fun" California! Wooo! Another successful title defense is in the books. Although to be fair, nobody really stood a chance at taking our foreclosure title as we were a tenth of a percentage point ahead of 2nd place Las Vegas.
Fitzy joins us and the Record's editorial staff in opposing Prop. 8. I still can't believe this is going to a vote. I hate throwing out extreme terms but this issue warrants it. A "yes" vote on Prop. 8 is a vote to reinstitute segregation in California. Separate but equal practices didn't work when they were applied to African Americans and they won't work if applied to homosexuals. For the love of God, this is the 2000s right?
Looks like Stockton's gunning for a run onFlip This House. Hey, there's an idea to help Stockton's budget. Let's start a reality tv show about flipping foreclosed homes called "Flip This Shit". Because Lord knows we need more fucking reality shows.
Highlight of this article? Police believe the victim was shot, but are awaiting autopsy results. If he was shot, shouldn't it be fairly obvious? Judging by the mugshots, we seriously doubt they used a blow dart gun.
Dolemitewatch enters day 3 (or is it 4? We can't remember). Getting this late in the game the only people who will probably be able to give that mothafucka his due is the 3-Minute Record. Hecteman, Giblin, it's on you two. You gave some stupid fashion guy his due, but not a cultural icon like Dolemite? For shame.
Your winner, and still the undisputed Foreclosure Champion, Stockton "of fun" California! Wooo! Another successful title defense is in the books. Although to be fair, nobody really stood a chance at taking our foreclosure title as we were a tenth of a percentage point ahead of 2nd place Las Vegas.
Fitzy joins us and the Record's editorial staff in opposing Prop. 8. I still can't believe this is going to a vote. I hate throwing out extreme terms but this issue warrants it. A "yes" vote on Prop. 8 is a vote to reinstitute segregation in California. Separate but equal practices didn't work when they were applied to African Americans and they won't work if applied to homosexuals. For the love of God, this is the 2000s right?
Looks like Stockton's gunning for a run onFlip This House. Hey, there's an idea to help Stockton's budget. Let's start a reality tv show about flipping foreclosed homes called "Flip This Shit". Because Lord knows we need more fucking reality shows.
Highlight of this article? Police believe the victim was shot, but are awaiting autopsy results. If he was shot, shouldn't it be fairly obvious? Judging by the mugshots, we seriously doubt they used a blow dart gun.
Dolemitewatch enters day 3 (or is it 4? We can't remember). Getting this late in the game the only people who will probably be able to give that mothafucka his due is the 3-Minute Record. Hecteman, Giblin, it's on you two. You gave some stupid fashion guy his due, but not a cultural icon like Dolemite? For shame.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Least Suprisng News Ever.
A couple weeks ago I FJMed Fitzy's latest column about downtown reviatlization. If you remember, he called for more housing downtown. Saying we should give incentives to builders to build housing downtown.
Well, the most recent developer to build any sort of housing downtown got foreclosed on. That's right, even with the sweetheart deal the city gave them, including selling them the plot of land for a fucking dollar, the Sheraton may not be the Sheraton for much longer. On top of that, they haven't sold a single condo.
How could such a thing happen? What caused the biggest forclosure in all of Stockton? (Which is no small feat) Allegedly it's not the fact that noone can afford to, or would want to stay there. It's because they can't afford to pay off their construction debts.
Not having enough money? That couldn't possibly have anything to do with the fact that the hotel is a varitable ghost town. People staying there doesn't mean more money to pay off debts or anything. So where did the discrepency come from?
Regent (the development company) contends that the bank they got a contruction loan from, First Bank, withheld the final $6 million of a $40 million loan. That $6 million would have paid off roughly two-thirds of their $8.9 million debt. Umm, that's still a significant difference there guys. Not to mention $8.9 mil is the "at least" estimate. They also blame the failing housing market. Which is a fine claim, except for the fact that the housing market was failing when they started this whole debacle.
It's pretty obvious the reason the Sheraton failed. It's a question I asked when I first heard about the plans for the hotel. Who the hell would willing spend the night downtown? The city bought into that whole "Event City" schtick that has since been cast aside. (Great idea to cast aside a couple weeks before the biggest event Stockton's ever had.)
Clearly the hotel was going to be dependent on the tourism from the various events our event city held. With the consultant company (and by extension, the city) ditching events in favor of pink police cars and a fenceless downtown, they essentially guaranteed the Sheraton's failure. Without events to fill up hotel rooms and generate revenue all we're really stuck with is an expensive, nice looking building that probably not even the visiting minor league teams can afford to stay at. Thanks Steve Pinkerton, great visionary planning.
Well, the most recent developer to build any sort of housing downtown got foreclosed on. That's right, even with the sweetheart deal the city gave them, including selling them the plot of land for a fucking dollar, the Sheraton may not be the Sheraton for much longer. On top of that, they haven't sold a single condo.
How could such a thing happen? What caused the biggest forclosure in all of Stockton? (Which is no small feat) Allegedly it's not the fact that noone can afford to, or would want to stay there. It's because they can't afford to pay off their construction debts.
Not having enough money? That couldn't possibly have anything to do with the fact that the hotel is a varitable ghost town. People staying there doesn't mean more money to pay off debts or anything. So where did the discrepency come from?
Regent (the development company) contends that the bank they got a contruction loan from, First Bank, withheld the final $6 million of a $40 million loan. That $6 million would have paid off roughly two-thirds of their $8.9 million debt. Umm, that's still a significant difference there guys. Not to mention $8.9 mil is the "at least" estimate. They also blame the failing housing market. Which is a fine claim, except for the fact that the housing market was failing when they started this whole debacle.
It's pretty obvious the reason the Sheraton failed. It's a question I asked when I first heard about the plans for the hotel. Who the hell would willing spend the night downtown? The city bought into that whole "Event City" schtick that has since been cast aside. (Great idea to cast aside a couple weeks before the biggest event Stockton's ever had.)
Clearly the hotel was going to be dependent on the tourism from the various events our event city held. With the consultant company (and by extension, the city) ditching events in favor of pink police cars and a fenceless downtown, they essentially guaranteed the Sheraton's failure. Without events to fill up hotel rooms and generate revenue all we're really stuck with is an expensive, nice looking building that probably not even the visiting minor league teams can afford to stay at. Thanks Steve Pinkerton, great visionary planning.
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