Quick Links for Feb. 18th

God damn I hate being busy. And this is a busy ass week. Hopefully this week goes by fast, but I kind of doubt it. In short, moving is awesome. Quick Links time.

Just in case you needed a reminder, the City Council in the early 00's was incredibly shitty.

Did we do anything legally to redevelop downtown? We used questionable legal practices to prevent the building of new movie theaters, we overspent to get shit finished without proper approval, and now we didn't even go about obtaining the property for the part of the ballpark legally. And this is all before we get into the whole trying to find the common sense in putting all our eggs in the downtown basket. These buildings used to be an example of our impending/eternal prosperity. While doing research for this I found an LA Times article from 2006 calling us a cutting edge city largely because of our efforts to revitalize downtown (you'll never guess who they quoted in that article. Ok, you're right, it was Fitzy). What a difference a couple of years makes.

In that LA Times article they cheer the Podesto City Council as being able to cut through all the political bullshit and get shit done. They actually cast Mark Lewis in a positive light! Of course, hindsight is 20/20 and now we know that Podesto pushed all this shit through using questionable practices and we're still wading through their downtown shitstorm. That same council that was lauded by the Times was absolutely destroyed in the press by the current council. And those Thunder games that were sellouts in 2006? Yeah, notsomuch now.

We don't mean to pile on. The ironic juxtaposition was just too good to pass up. (Plus those Fitzy quotes are fucking golden now.) We just want to point out the obvious that while cutting through the bullshit is awesome and manly and all, you still actually have to wade through that shit. That's what government jobs are all about. Strapping on your highwater boots and wading through as much bullshit as you can (Note: This is why they're compensated so handsomely Senõr Fitzgerald). When you try and cheat and cut through it, you're really just fucking the future. Don't believe me? Ask these guys...

Oh no! 30 more steps and that degree from Delta will be useless! OK, well, uselesser

Oh hey, a list of what's wrong with Delta. This should be entertaining. Let's see shitty trustees, check. Lack of long-term planning, check. Shitty counseling services, check. Lack of diversity...really? Sure, all of my teachers at Delta have been white dudes with a few white women sneaking in there. But I never thought that was too big a deal. One of my teachers was South African so technically she was an African-American. Plus the students are plenty diverse. Hell, most of my minority friends are people I met at Delta. I'll give the Accrediting Commission their other points, there are plenty of issues that Delta needs to deal with. But diversity is not one of them. SJRTD deciding to bottleneck Yokuts into one lane during Christmas and the beginning of the semester is a way more pressing issue. (Seriously, what's the deal with that? They pick the time that area's the busiest to build a bus transfer station?)

With support like this, there's no wondering how she won

From the "How did we just find out about this now?" files: Ann Johnston's Mayoral Campaign MySpace! There's honestly not much to it and it was apparently ditched in July. But it is kind of interesting to see that local politicians are slowly realizing the potential of social networking in relation to campaigning. Of course an idiot could have realized how helpful places like MySpace could be after seeing how Barack Obama's net savvy campaign.

Ok, and we posted this because Ann Johnston only having 3 friends, one of which being auto-friend Tom, is hilarious. I now officially feel like less of a loser.

So Ann Johnston is an introvert then?

And when politicians have figured out social networking, that can only mean one thing. It's a trend! And no trend is complete without it's very own trend piece. Granted, social networking was a trend like 3 years ago, but this is The Record. We're pretty sure their sports staff thinks MMA is fixed like the WWE (you got a better reason as to why they don't cover it? Let us know.), so figuring out social networking is big for them.

Since Fitzy's on vacation or something, Alex Breitler and his bright red Mr. Roger's sweater are tackling this one. And I gotta say, it's a pretty decent read. Nothing particularly interesting, just a column about how social networking can help introverts stay in touch with people they otherwise wouldn't. But something seems to be missing in Breitler's column. Like an entire paragraph. The offending passage from Page 2:

"The study may well be true, seen in 15 years popped up out of the blue and announced he'd named his son after me, at least in part."

Doesn't make much sense does it? How is it supposed to read?

"The study may well be true, but it doesn't have to be. An introvert can find social satisfaction, minus the angst, on social networking Web sites.

Consider my adventures over the past two months:

A high school chum I hadn't seen in 15 years popped up out of the blue and announced he'd named his son after me, at least in part."

A chunk fairly important to sentence continuity is missing. Where did it go? It's actually still there, kinda. Journalism lesson time!

Really, it all has to do with layout (Note: Layout programs can be different, we're just going off of our personal experiences). I'm not going to get into the boring specifics of column inches but, needless to say, each story has a certain amount of space they need to fill. If for whatever reason it doesn't fill that space, you fill it with ads or pictures or pretty much whatever fits that doesn't look totally awkward. In this case the picture on the right-hand side filled some space as well as Briefcase Breitler's byline/picture. The byline is where the editor got in trouble.

Breitler's head is just barely below the headline, so one would presume that when it was placed there, it displaced the headline and had to be moved down a tad. When it did so, it cut off the missing sentences. That can be easier to miss because they're not the only part in a large font. It's easier to see misplaced or missing words when they're in a 20-point font. When a picture covers just a couple of sentences in a sea of words, it's harder to catch. So the words are still there, they're just covered by Breitler's Mr. Roger's sweater.

Either that or they accidently got deleted. Either way, the real pressing issue is who brings a totebag instead of a backpack to school? He's lucky they just called it a briefcase instead of a purse. A briefcase makes you seem smart and organized. A purse makes you a chick or queer. Which one would you rather be? Hey, at least it wasn't a fanny pack.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the long-delayed Real Stocktonian of the Year!

Yesterday was supposed to be a column taking on Fitzy's claim that Stockton should consider bankruptcy. But I've had a change of heart. I still think he's horrifically wrong, but that column was such an obvious bait job I thought I was listening to talk radio. I was half-expecting him to pause 10 seconds for station identification. I'm surprised he didn't end the column with "Good call, good call." Presenting bad ideas just to get a rise out of the readers doesn't look good on you Fitzy. Even if it is the magic "Open Sesame" for the bad contracts the city has, I still don't trust the people renegotiating those contracts. We're the guys who said unprecedented problems required unprecedented solutions, but that doesn't mean those extreme solutions have to be the worst ones possible. That was a shiny lure you threw out there Fitz, unfortunately we're smarter fish than that.

I know you guys are disappointed that we're not going to take a shot at the easiest target ever, but I think I know how to make it up to you. Yes, it's the long delayed...

Real Stocktonian of the Year!

Noted negative campaigner Clem Lee probably says it best, so we'll start off with his quote.

"I guess it's kind of the ultimate in symbolism, isn't it? The mayor of Ground Zero going through the same thing."

Somebody buy that man a goat because he's absolutely correct. But the irony is only a part of the reason he's getting Real Stocktonian honors. We'd previously mentioned him and Tom Morris for getting out of dodge as soon as the real shit started pouring in. This latest cutting of ties with the city just sealed the deal for Chavez. We'll go on until we get tired of documenting reasons why Chavez is a Real Stocktonian.

First, the impending foreclosure! You'd think we'd know more about foreclosures since we live in the highly-touted Ground Zero, but you'd be wrong. Mortgages involve math skills and a house, and we have neither. But considering Chavez gets something just under $200,000 in retirement pay just from the Police Chief job, it's safe to say he can probably afford his mortgage payments. Which is really the more telling part of his attempt at short selling his condo. Not only did he cut out after one term, now he's severing some of his last non-family ties to our fair city. He'll regret his decision to sell when Coachella happens and Indio is overtaken by the hipsterest hipsters to ever hipster. Where you gonna hide when a bunch of emo kids in hoodies camp out on your lawn? They don't need a hotel, hotels are way too main stream. But your lawn? Man, nobody's heard about your lawn yet, it's like it's their lawn because they found out about it first. But I digress.

Short selling your house isn't enough to be a Real Stocktonian, you also have to check out for the last few months of your job. It also helps to take forever negotiating pretty much everything. Like the seemingly simple General Plan, or that ill-advised attempt to get the city into the electricity game which only recently ended. Of course, we're ignoring the whole pissing off the police thing because I don't want to have to find all those links.

Also, to be a Real Stocktonian, the thing you're most proud of (in this case, the Strong Neighborhoods Initiative) has to be a miserable failure! Because what's $116 million if you can't pass out some of it to your pals?

Of course, the big reason we were even considering him in the first place was the fact that he decided that we apparently weren't worth it, and took off after one term. We can at least understand why Tom Morris took off. We get pissed when people fuck with our paychecks too. But Chavez only serving one term was just ridiculous. You can't get shit done in one term. Even Hopey McChangerson in the White House knows that. Chavez not seeking reelection was him giving up on Stockton. And frankly, it was the best thing he could have done for us.

He quit us out of love for Stockton! He realized he was way in over his head. Nobody told him it was gonna be this hard. You just approve more housing and the city gets money, right? Where's the money!? He was just doing what he was told! Shit, he can't even keep his lady's trap shut, how's he gonna keep the city in check? So he did what any patriot would do, take the hit and then get out of dodge! He quit us, for us. And for that we are grateful.

It takes a man to try and fix his mistakes. But it takes a real man to say "I don't want to fuck up shit any more than I already have, you guys fucking deal with it". And for that, we salute you Ed Chavez. You sir, really know what Stockton needs, somebody who's not you. And that's what makes a Real Stocktonian.

Your quick guide to the General Plan

The General Plan of 20fucking forever has been in the news a lot lately. A lot of legal wrangling and posturing has gone on during the past 685 years they've been trying to hammer this thing out and it can get fairly confusing pretty easily. (We're still not sure what Morada's beef is if they've already agreed to not go east of 99.) We thought it would be nice to try and put all the info on it in an easy to navigate place for people who search the intertubes for more info on it (since recordnet.com is decidedly not easy to navigate.). Plus we've added all the bias not included in the Record since we're not a respectable news organization like them and can do stuff like that.

After God knows how long, the City Council approved the General Plan of 2035 near the end of last year. It was a fairly shitty plan that presumably gave Alex Spanos' wallet a boner (Yes, his wallet has a penis. It's a Greek thing.) and pushed Stockton's boundries even further outward, therefore stretching Stockton's public services even thinner. But hey, the City Council agreed on something, party time.

Then the hippies decided it wasn't good enough. They (somewhat rightfully) claimed that Stockton's plan was too ambitious and the construction of all that housing would be too harmful to the environment. Not to mention it possibly would have pushed Stockton's boundries so far north that they might have run out of farmland to pave over. The city tried to promise it'd think about the environment. Nobody bought it (because let's face it, it was said by a city official.) so State Attorney General Jerry Brown got involved. The city then hemmed and hawed for a little bit, presumably to gage what their chances of winning the lawsuit were. Then finally relented and amended the plan.

But wait! There's more!

Where's my pudding?

Everybody's favorite old, crusty Greek guy took some time from dealing with getting royally fucked on Sunday to say there was a royal fucking going on in Stockton! Who's getting fucked? US!? Oh shit! But I'm Joe Taxpayer, I demand more jobs and I want them now! Give them to me Mayor Chavez!

In actuality A.G. Spanos Cos is just pissed they/we were left out of the discussion about the settlement. (Even though they were the first to ask about the settlement at a meeting a couple of week ago.) Plus if Stockton decides to impose the green standards they're required to consider under the new plan, it would cost them a shitload more cash. So what do you do when someone tells you "No" for a fairly decent reason? File another lawsuit of course.

It also helps to take a full page out in the paper (because god forbid that ad space be filled with actual news). Plus, it helps to give yourself a buzzword-filled name like Alliance for Responsible Planning to show you really care about us. Then make wild claims like the new hippy-friendly plan means less jobs for Stockton, even though nobody really knows exactly how many jobs will result from the General Plan.

We could go on. Jesus Tapdancing Christ we could go on. But you should be up to speed on what's going on. The Recordnet blogs also have really stepped up to the plate in General Plan coverage. David Siders (who was the writer for like every story we just linked to) has some interesting shit about the plan in his blog if you're not too overloaded on political posturing. Fitzy's also been on top of things as of late (and by "as of late" we mean he started yesterday. But we suspect that's more a result of his practice of writing follow up blogs about columns he just fucking wrote), including a post about a chat he had with ex-Mayor Podesto (who we hear knows a thing or two about referendums).

I need to post this now before my head explodes with smug satisfaction

Earlier today I was going to do a post about the colossal fuck up that is the rodeo coming to Stockton. God it was glorious. For those who aren't up to speed, the city got duped by a fucking cowboy into putting up $75,000 of public money that we totally didn't need to bring the rodeo to Stockton. The promoter Bryan Bjork didn't put the prize money in escrow to guarantee it's existence. He also lied to us about the involvement of big time rodeo organizations. (Well, big time for rodeo.) For a day, the Record tried to talk us into the minor league rodeo show that we would have to deal with. Well, we'd have to put the irony of the Arena not being able to get yet another professional sport to come to Stockton aside. (Minor League RODEO!?)

The rodeo's not coming.

(Note: Have to link to 209Vibe's Twitter because they actually had the story. The Record just tells you read about it in the paper. No really, the byline says it's by the actual newspaper.)

(Update: Recordnet.com posted the full story today. Which is more than likely a hilarious example of them not knowing that the Internet can be used as a tool to counteract that whole "yesterday's news today" knock print journalism always gets. due dilligence.)

Ignoring the fact that Recordnet.com sucks my ballsack, this hilarious revelation of the rodeo's "rescheduling" is another classic example of our city government's ineptness. Which may have come up here a time or two.

(Insert "you fucked up" chant here)

Sorry for my absence guys. I thought I had posted the BWDW on Friday but I guess I just saved it as a draft or something. Since the bar it was about is in the past tense now the post needs to have some tinkering done to make it relevant. It'll be up Friday, unless I fuck it up again. Which is not only possible, but probable.

Slick's back in town but it's been a pretty slow local news week. The front page of the local section (and the featured story on recordnet.com?) was a story about a motivational speaker doing his thing at St. Marys. He has no arms, no legs, and what looks like a penis for a foot. (Don't worry, I'm 99% sure I'm going to hell anyways.) It's a touching story. And by touching I mean mind-crushingly useless. (Did you know you should be yourself and not sweat high school drama? Thanks Jesus freak...err guy.) I saw through this shtick when I was 14. Can't they at least have gotten Matt Rolloff?

Oh, and Fitzy wants us to buy a boat because it was built in Stockton. Which makes sense since the city's been trying so hard to keep other historical pieces of Stockton around. Oh wait. Well, at least Stockton's got the extra scratch to throw around...oh wait. (Yes, both those columns are from the same edition of the Record, only 7 freaking pages apart. But I'm stealing Slick's thunder. I just had to point that out.)

Lastly, I put the all points bulletin out on MySpace, but if you're a local band interested in getting your music played on our coming-sooner-than-you-think podcast, shoot me an e-mail.

Shocking News! Feds make promise they don't intend on keeping!

I think we've finally ironed out our computer problems. No more posting from a friend's house for us! This place should finally get its legs under it soon. Promise.


Anybody who's spent more that a week in Stockton has more than likely gotten thirsty without a water bottle nearby. You try and hold on. "Maybe this beer will help quench my thirst," you say. And while delicious, you realize that since you've spent more than a day in San Joaquin County and have been drinking since the moment you got here. Mostly because drinking is the only real thing to do around these parts. (Hey, you try and find something entertaining to do in Tracy. I guarantee you end up at The Great Plate.)

So we've set the scene, your body is screaming at you to put something non-alcoholic in it. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Tap water. You go to the sink and hope for the best. Unfortunately something resembling Mountain Dew comes out. Only nowhere near as delicious.

Yeah, the water sucks. But isn't relief on the way? I'm sure our city leaders are aware of this. I mean, they have to live in the city to lead it. Surely they know the condition of the city water. So what's your plan city?

Ask the federal government to extend our rights to to dam water from a dam that's 35 years behind schedule.

Ummmm, it might be time to move on. But you stick with that plan guys. I'm going to try and find a way to divert water from the underground wells in Morada. Race ya!