Thursday, July 10, 2008

Just in case I haven't made it clear, I find The Record to be hilariously bad

I have a weird sense of humor. Random things just make me laugh out loud. Most of the time it's something ridiculous the Record's done.

I like to play a game with one of my friends where we guess what the headline for the front page of the Record's going to be the next day. Try it sometime, it's scary easy to do.

Whenever the Asparatus (intentional misspelling, but that story's foranother day) Festival rolls around, it's a virtual lock that on the front page will be some kid digging into some deep fried asparagus goodness with some sort of "spear-it" pun above them in big block letters.

Monday I sent a text message to the aforementioned friend and without eve getting into the debate about what might grace the front of the area's only real newspaper (that's right, fuck you Lodi and Tracy) I asked him what heat-related headline would be above the picture of some kid playing in that water fountain thing downtown.

I can't remember what we eventually came up with, but we were in the ballpark.

Then Wednesday rolled around and the front page was essentially another "Damn it's hot, ain't it?" story. Two days in a row, and the best they got to try and entice people to buy their paper is a "How 'bout that weather we're having?" story. Are they trying to get people to buy the paper or are they making awkward small talk on the bus?

About halfway through the day I realized something. It's hot again, like really hot. And the Record's just shitty enough to make the weather the front page story three days in a row. It's a rare chance at the same exact story running three days in a row. A threepeat if you will. (the term "threepeat" has been used with the expressed written consent of Pat Riley)

So for the first time in a while, I actually bought a copy of the Record. I was excited at the possibility of the threepeat. (Like I said, I have a weird sense of humor.) A threepeat would confirm my belief the the Record is the Plan 9 from Outer Space of newspapers.

When I finally took a look it was a mixed bag of emotions when I saw this story gracing the frontpage. I'll get to the hilarity of this story later. (Including the claim that we need to paint our police cars pink and white)

So yeah, no threepeat. I was disappointed. The weather got downgraded to front page of the Local section. Just in case the list of retarded things listed in the front page story made you forget that it's fucking hot.

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