Poor Randy Paragary, if only we weren't such bitter pricks he'd be successful!

Well, we were right. Mike Fitzgerald is the last guy who should be covering this Paragary's story. It's news, and old Fitzy is too biased to treat it objectively like any newsperson should. So, for those of you playing along at home, it's time to play....
(Insert game show theme here)

Spot! The! Bias!

Yes, it's Spot the Bias, the game show where we take somebody's article or column and pick it apart and point out where the writer displayed obvious bias against or in favor of their subject! Today's contestant is Fitzy and his column about the possible sale of Paragary's. Paragary's being Fitzy's favorite downtown restaurant he will obviously be biased in favor of anything Randy Paragary says. What constitutes bias you ask? Well, it could be an adjective, it could be ignoring other factors for the one you want to push, or it could be contradicting something said in the previous paragraph with the very next quote and not saying anything about it. Yes, this will be a glorious example of damning somebody with their own words. But first, the setup!

"Paragary's Bar & Grill, the beautiful but controversially subsidized restaurant that city leaders hoped would help catalyze downtown Stockton's revival, is up for sale.

Price: $555,000, batteries not included. Hopefully neither are the restaurant's challenges."

Here's hoping he lists all of the restaurant's challenges and not just the one he always harps on, but that's all part of the game. So let's play...

Spot! The! Bias!

Our first piece of bias is a personal favorite because it involves damning people with their own words (which I love doing) and it involves this week's Out-of-Context Quote of the Week!

"'It's not a case of sell or close,' Paragary said. 'I'm exploring all options.'"

All options? Then, what about this?

"If it doesn't sell, Paragary said, he will tweak offerings to better suit a standoffish Stockton market."

Oh, hi Out-of-Context Quote of the Week. What's that? Exploring all options includes tweaking the menu for the market before threatening to take your ball and go home? Surely that's not bias. That's just bad business practices.

The bias is in calling Stockton standoffish. We're not dating Paragary's. We're not having a fight with Paragary's where we, as a city, passive-aggressively critique its hair. We're just not eating there because we don't like the expensive food and the snooty atmosphere. That's not standoffish, that's making a business decision based on the factors I just listed. That subsidy thing is old hat, we're way past that now. Even Bris, Duke, and I; the most stubborn people I know, gave up on that subsidy thing a while back and visited Paragary's with predictable results. The reason Paragary's failed is not because of some petty subsidy-based boycott. So let's stop all that talk right now. Ok?

"(The ad) refers to the $2.7 million subsidy - five years of free rent - that generated opposition and a partial boycott"

Care to quote anybody saying they boycotted Paragary's specifically because of the subsidy? No? BIAS! And just bad journalism too. At least it's not like Fitzy fed all of this to Randy Paragary during his interview and Paragary responded with "Yeah, what you said."

"'I've been told through e-mails and letters to the editor and even to my face that certain people do not go there because of what you just described,' Paragary said."

Oh well. At least he got somebody to comment on the "boycott", even if it was Paragary himself. At least people told him how they felt to his face as opposed to sneaking an ad up on San Francisco's Craigslist two weeks ago without telling the city or even his own fucking investors. But let's move on with the game, can you give us vague examples of other subsidized businesses that aren't boycotted because apparently all subsidies are created equal?

"The public has subsidized development - sprawl - in sums that dwarf the Paragary's deal. But they don't boycott subdivisions. The city gave its sports teams a deal sweeter than chocolate covered macadamia nuts. Nobody boycotts the arena."

Again, no quotes from people who say the Arena is ok but Paragary's isn't. It just is man. That arena is always sold out, and everybody supports the Thunder 100%! Oh wait, we don't. Those games don't sell out and one of the tenants of the Arena (the Cougars) are also trying to leave. So really it's the same fucking thing. But hey, when he does get another quote about boycotts, it comes from the same fucking source, Randy Paragary.

"'We,' Paragary said, "bore the brunt of subsidy fatigue.'"

Because, as you know, we forced him to take that place rent free at gunpoint. Man, will the bias ever stop?

"Other brunts poor Paragary bears:"

...

Poor Paragary? Poor Paragary? How can anybody take this seriously anymore? The possible sale of Paragary's is a news story. Fucking write it with some semblance of objectivity you elitist fuck!

Sorry about that, let's continue with the plight of poor millionaire restaurateur Randy Paragary.

"Retail shops never materialized on the Hotel Stockton's ground floor, and downtown is still Skid Row to many."

Oh hey, reasons that aren't subsidy based. It's nice that this is everybody's fault but Paragary's. Fuck it, let's jump to the last piece of glaring bias so we can summarize.

"Therefore, 'in retrospect, I don't think of it as a subsidy,' Paragary said, making a good point. 'I think the deal we made was truly market. Free rent in that location is market. It's just a reality. Anybody who operated in that location will need free rent for a while.'"

Ignoring the fact that he brings up the subsidy again. Think of the last time you saw a reporter remark that the quoted subject made a "good point". Can't think of one? That's because they don't. He can make a point, but when you comment one the quality of that point you're pushing objectivity to the side.


Ok, now that we got all that journalismy bias stuff out of the way, let's get to the main issue here. Mike Fitzgerald and Randy Paragary are basically saying it's our fault for the failure of Paragary's because we don't want to eat there for whatever reasons. They're painfully wrong. Randy Paragary has one person and one person alone to blame for the failure of his Stockton restaurant, and his name is Randy Paragary.

Paragary didn't study the market he was basically paid to enter. He opened a high-class ritzy restaurant in a working-class, blue collar town. Yes, nobody likes it when rich people get financial breaks, but nobody's thinking "Oh man, that guy doesn't pay rent, fuck him" anymore. It's been a while, we've all pretty much given Paragary's a shot. It's not a fit for our town. It fits Sacramento because that place is filled with douchebags who like to pretend their cowtown is some ritzy political metropolis. Stockton doesn't have delusions of grandeur (ok, well it's citizens don't. City Council is another story). We are what we are. If Paragary had done just a simple study of the new market he was getting in to (which any good businessman should do before entering a new market), he would have seen that. But instead he chose to blame everything and everybody else. It's our fault we don't like the atmosphere, it's our fault we can't afford the prices, it's our fault the food tastes like shit, and it's our fault that the customer service is inexcusably bad. And most importantly, it's our fault we're not classy enough to "get" Paragary's. Well fuck you Randy Paragary, I'm classy as hell. At least I tell people I'm moving to their face instead of having them find out via Craigslist you classless fuck.

So yeah, it looks like we were right. The last person to write this story besides Randy Paragary was Mike Fitzgerald. And even then he got help from Paragary. Which is kind of fitting, those two are class acts.

Out of Context Quote of the Week!

Fuck it, I know it's only Tuesday and I know we should wait for the actual column to come out but this one was too much. Your out-of-context quote of the week is a look into the business practices of Randy Paragary from Mike Fitzgerald's blog:

"If it doesn't sell, Paragary said he will tweak his offerings to better suit a standoffish Stockton market."

In other words, he's looking to sell before trying the simple business practice of changing his menu and/or prices. You, Randy Paragary, are a classy motherfucker. And with business practices like that, I can't imagine why your business isn't profitable.

Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye

Hilarious news out of downtown Stockton today. Yesterday Mike Fitzgerald happened upon a Craigslist ad for business space that suspiciously resembled venerable snooty restaurant, and purveyor of randomly placed billboards, Paragary's.

After waiting a whole half a day for a response (and taking time to take a jab at the ABC/Garden/whoever owns it this week Buffet and it's plastic palm trees) Randy Paragary returned his call and confirmed that he is in fact a shitty restaurateur leaving.

Thank fucking God. Now hopefully somebody good will buy the space and make it useful to a majority of Stockton. I always thought a kick ass Mexican restaurant would be perfect there. Or maybe an Applebees. Bris and Duke vote for a microbrewery. Preferably one that doesn't have a menu change every time we visit (coughValleyBrewcough). Which would also be awesome.

We can't wait for Fitzy's column about this tomorrow. Will he turn on longtime ally Randy Paragary? Will he defend his friend's decision to leave even though he pays no rent and really only has to lower prices and cut the high class bullshit to be successful? Or will Mike direct his rage at the City Council for attracting multiple tenants with lucrative deals (Thunder, Lightening, Cougars, Paragary's) only to have the owners of all of them say "fuck it" and walk away? Or perhaps he'll talk to ex-loverRedevelopment head Steve Pinkerton about it! Stay tuned for tomorrow's Fitzy column which we're already predicting will be a gem.

Until next time, fuck you Randy Paragary. Nobody wanted you here in the first place.

Pub Crawl recap: Raise your hand if you want a Jagerbomb!

As Slick mentioned on Monday we did the Pub Crawl last weekend with a few friends. I'll try and not do a complete play-by-play of the nights events in this recap.

First of all, fuck it was cold. I know it's California so cold for us is shorts weather for most of the country but I'm pretty sure I just regained the feeling in my big toe. So fuck you, it was cold.

Of course I only noticed it was so cold because the trollies were horrifyingly inconsistent. One was allegedly coming by every 15 mins. I saw one trolly come by 3 minutes after the other and then another didn't show up for another 45 mins. On top of that they weren't even going the correct route the whole time. One of our friends actually had to hijack a trolly and tell them they were going to the Warehouse because none of the trollies were stopping there. We actually hoofed it from the Warehouse to the movie theater because we didn't trust the trolley to come get us. And that was before one of the trollies broke down.

Slick already ran down the Paragary's story, it was clear to us that Paragary's was only on the Pub Crawl to say they're trying when they clearly aren't. I made it about 3 steps in the place before the bartender shooed us off to the side where their poor excuse for a Crawler mini-bar served what was by far the worst drink special of the night.

Speaking of drink specials, I kept my map from that night. Care to run down the list with me while I make snarky comments about each one? No? Well I'm doing it anyways.

Bradley's: Irish Coffee, Peppermint Patties, and other assorted shot specials.
Their Irish coffee was a bit too Irishy, but past that the had decent specials. Although they were kind of overshadowed by...

Beach Hut Deli: $1 pint of any beer
The Beach Hut was the only bar that really truly embraced the Pub Crawl. They had a pretty good accoustic band playing in a corner and expanded their usual $1 PBR deal to their entire selection. Add in the fact that they also served some pretty bad ass nachos and the Beach Hut was the winner of the Pub Crawl. Which is the exact opposite of...

Paragary's: Peppermint Patties and "$3 drink specials"
We've covered these guys already. And there was no $3 drink special. Fuck Paragary's with a cactus dick. Which is the actual note I wrote down to make sure I remembered how much that place blew. Fucking Sacramento bars.

Misaki Sushi Bar: Sake bombs
Yes, they were delicious, but it was also the only downtown venue that was packed. They wouldn't serve us appetizers since we didn't have a table so we took off.

Red Brick Pizza: $2 bottled beer
Yeah, I'm still wondering what they were doing on the Pub Crawl myself. At least they tried harder than Paragary's.

Chitiva's: Margaritas
Chitiva's had a lot of drink specials but none of them were particularly overwhelming. Plus their appetizer deal was microwaved taquitos. I heard the margaritas were decent but we spent more time at...

The Waterfront Grill (formerly the Boiler Room): $3 well drinks
While that's an awesome drink special (especially when you just use the "free drink" voucher for a $6 drink), I remember the Waterfront more for the hilarious quote of the night. When ordering Jagerbombs more people kept saying "Ooh! Me too!" after we had already put the order in. Finally I had to take charge and say "Alright, who wants a Jagerbomb? Raise your hand. (8 hands go up) I want that many." Yes, I'm awesome. That quote narrowly edged out another one directed at a beanied Bris Isaak, "With that beanie on you look like a fat Ian Hill. With a slightly patchier beard of course." "Ouch, that's messed up man." And it was, I apologize.

Hippo Bar and Stockton Arena
We skipped these places because, well, fuck them. That's why. Nobody was drinking downtown anyways. Everybody was up on the Miracle Mile.

Centrale: $4 Margaritas
They had drink specials? I think I used my voucher for the free drinks here too. This place is notable just because I'd never heard of them until the pub crawl and because I think it's the place where I high fived an entire table because I was wasted.

Matinee: Jungle Juice
Fuck the Matinee. I usually love the place but they re-carded fucking everybody at the door like dicks. They were the only bar to do so. And on top of that their Jungle Juice tasted like fucking Kool-Aid. I drank the bucket glass like a shot and didn't feel any aftereffects. That's some weak fucking Jungle Juice. Gives a whole new meaning to the term Pussy Punch.

We skipped Adler Market and Moulin Rouge and ended the night at...

Valley Brew: Rum Punch
The rum punch was passable, but we really went their for the free deep fried mushrooms. I think we got like 50 plates. Unfortunately Valley Brew is fucking lame and closes at midnight on a Saturday. Bars shouldn't close before 2 on a fucking weekend. End of story.

That was probably the weakest part of the Pub Crawl (aside from Paragary's of course). The trollies ended at midnight so you risked getting stuck downtown at night if you didn't catch the trolly on time. And it's kind of hard to keep track of the time when you're drunk and in a bar that has no clocks. But hey, overall it was a fun, drunken night. Plus is gave us an actual reason to hate Paragary's. Before we just thought they were douchebags. Now we know they are.