RTT OFF TOPIC Movies you can't see in Stockton review: The Wrestler

ed. note: Nothing really happened today, unless you want to read about Bob Barker buying the Lode area an elephant. But the best joke we could come up for that was "One guy was gonna bring it in for $1.5 mil but Barker outbid him with $1.5 mil and one dollar". So instead enjoy this movie review which really has nothing to do with Stockton, but is interesting anyways.

Wrestling fans are a classically pessimistic group. That'll happen when you're widely regarded as the red-headed stepchild of "sports" fans. The general public looks down on us as unintelligent hillbillies, fans of an illegitimate sport. Those in power in pro wrestling generally look down on us as the "marks", even though nobody over the age of 10 has fallen for the "con" of wrestling since the late 30s. No respect either way. We're the Rodney Dangerfield of "sports" fans.

So when I first heard about The Wreslter a little over two years ago, back when it was only known as "That Nic Cage wrestling movie" my first thought was "Nic Cage? That movie's going to blow."

Don't get me wrong, I wanted to movie to be good. It's just that wrestling and movies never mix. The history's there, No Holds Barred and Ready to Rumble, both are the most noted examples in pro wrestling movie suckdom. And with Nic Cage slated to star in the latest attempt (although it was later revealed they only flirted with Cage for about a week before settling on Mickey Rourke), it seemed that trend would continue. Confident that "The Wrestler" would suck, I promptly forgot I'd even read about it.

Next thing I know it's 2 years later and, holy shit, The Wrestler got made (again, thankfully, with Rourke instead of Cage). Then my wrestling fan pessimism kicked in. Is the general public ready for a pro wrestling movie? Did Chris Benoit scare everybody off? Oh shit! Chris Benoit! How the fuck is this movie going to get any press when nobody wants to touch wrestling with a 10-foot ladder? Are they going to address the Benoit thing? This isn't going to be some preachy "dangers of wrestling" movie is it? That'd just be depressing. And what about wrestling fans? They're a notoriously fickle bunch that would never accept a Hollywood-sanitized depiction of a classically seedy business. Yeah, it's fun to be me. And people wonder why I drink heavily.

But then something unexpected happened. Something that was so unfathomable I never even considered it. The Wrestler was good. Scratch that, not good, fucking great.

Darren Aronofsky fucking nailed the wrestling industry. The shop talk, the Ram's chilly relationship with his daughter, the almost cult-like dedication to fanny packs (next time you catch "Hogan Knows Best" rerun keep your eyes on the Hulkster's waistline. Chances are there's a fanny pack brother), the tacky clothes, the constant need to be "on", the absurdity of strolling through the dollar store to find weapons for a hardcore match, using a classroom as a locker room after wrestling an indy match for $20; Aronofsky did what I thought couldn't be done, he depicted the wrestling industry honestly and unapologetically. It's not all good, it's not all bad. It's just the way it is. I know that doesn't sound like much but the last pro wrestling movie I saw was Ready to Rumble, in which 30-something wrestling fans David Arquette and Scott Caan still thought wrestling was real. Think that's stupid? David Arquette then won the World Title, not in the movie, but in real life to help promote the movie. God I loved WCW.

But the wrestling fans were a gimmie. Regardless of whether or not it sucked, wrestling fans would go. The tough sell would be everybody else. No matter what I said, no matter how many awards it won or was nominated for, I couldn't find anybody willing to make the hour-long trek to the bay area to go see "a wrestling movie". I tried everything.

"It's a wrestling movie so if it's bad it's going to be hilariously bad. Like Rocky Horror Picture Show bad." Or, "It's not playing in Stockton so it has to be good." Or my personal favorite, "It's like 'Rocky' but with wrestling!"

Of course I said all of this before actually seeing the movie. Now that I've seen it, I would describe it in three words and instantly have half my friends on board. Marissa Tomei's tits. In an Academy Award nominated performance (I'm not kidding), Marissa Tomei shows off her glorious funbags for a good quarter of the movie. You know how in Striptease they take forever to get to Demi Moore's tits and even then obscure them with a tie or a drunken mustacheless Burt Reynolds? This is like the exact opposite. Sometimes Tomei's chesticles are out just while she's standing around at the strip club her character works at (God bless the mesh top). As far as I'm concerned, Aronofsky should recut this movie to feature Tomei and call it The Stripper. Slap that on a billboard with a close up shot of her dirty pillows and you got yourself a multimillion dollar motion picture. Although I'm not looking forward to that movie's version of the deli slicer scene.

Of course that's just one of the awesome surprises sprinkled throughout this movie. But instead of focusing on all the little things, let's tackle the big subjects. Aronofsky took a business full of characters that are often more ridiculous than their on screen personas and showed them for the passionate, everyday people that they are. They chase a job they love with a passion that's exceeded by few others. The Ram gave up his health, his family, hell he gave up anything resembling a relationship outside of the locker room and his relationship with the fans. He gave it all up for a piece of immortality.

The movie focuses on a chase too many wrestlers get caught up in. The chase for another chance at being immortalized by the fans. Even if that means taking a staple gun the the chest. Any wrestler will tell you that the feeling you get when you pop a crowd is one of the most addicting feelings you can have. That's the real drug problem in wrestling. People love to talk about the steroid problem. The pain killers, the sleeping pills, and even good old fashioned Mary Jane all pale in comparison to the feeling of thousands of fans hanging out your every move. Some people dream about stepping up to the plate during game 7 of the World Series with 2 outs and a full count in bottom of the 9th. Some people dream about 3rd and forever with less than 2 minutes on the clock, the entire season and the hopes of millions of people pinned on you making the perfect throw.

But those situations happen once a year, if at all. These guys get that feeling almost every day. Sure it's in a controlled environment, but that's part of the agreement between fans and wreslters. We'll suspend reality and cheer as if it were real as long as you put on a good show. Unfortunately the cost of putting on a good show day in and day out can take its toll. And, at least in the case of the Ram, the price of his relationship with the fans is that eventually, it's the only relationship he has left.

After a particularly brutal hardcore match The Ram suffers a heart attack and is told he has to hang it up. Suddenly Ram has to cope with the life he neglected in favor of chasing that next big rush from the crowd. Only after 20 years of neglect, he realizes wrestling is all he has left. His natural charisma that took him so far in the wrestling world only takes him so far in his attempts to woo Marissa Tomei and repair his relationship with his daughter. It's both sad and touching at the same time. A few weeks later I realized The Wrestler wasn't "'Rocky" with wrestling", it was (local connection alert!) "Fat City" with wrestling.

I won't spoil the ending but I don't think it's much of a surprise that he eventually goes back for "one more" big match with his most famous opponent the Ayatollah (played by former WCW wrestler Ernest Miller who's persona when actually wrestling is best described as a kickboxing James Brown). Randy suffers through considerable pain as he labors through the match in one of the cheesier moments of the film. The Ram clutches his chest a couple of times through the match to the point where he kind of resembles a cross between Dog the Bounty Hunter and Red Fox.

The big question people ask me is if Randy Robinson dies at the end of the movie. But really, it doesn't matter. The message is clear, the fans are the only people who love The Ram anymore, and he'd kill himself to maintain that one lasting relationship. And really if there's such a thing as a preferred way to die, dying while doing what you love is the way to go. It may seem a little bit crazy, but when I left the theatre I couldn't help but be a little jealous of Randy "The Ram" Robinson.

But most importantly, for me at least, is that people might not be so quick to judge me for my admittedly weird facination with the world of pro wrestling. Sure it can be cheesy and doesn't look very real at times, but hopefully this movie can lend even a small amount of legitimacy to an illegitimate sport. Wait, what's this about Wrestlemania now? God damn it. That's going to suck.

Update: Awww...aww...awww... Why Lord? Why!?

El Duke visits the new UOP University Center (It's fancy, and green)

One of the advantages blogging has over print media is we can get our stories to you right away instead of the next morning. So in an effort to scoop the Record (again), I'm getting my review on.

UOP's brand spankin' new University Center opened today and as a way to drum up press test the new facility, they gave away free lunches to pretty much anybody who walked in with a confused look on their face. Yours truly included.

Personally I was hoping that the new campus pub the Tiger's Lair would be giving away free brewskis, but I knew that wasn't the case. I would have tried but as soon as I walked in I knew I was going to be in for a long wait for my free lunch and soda (finally with free refills!), so I picked one of the 37 lines that protruded out of the Marketplace (their fancy name for the cafeteria) and promptly realized I was in the wrong line.

Eventually one of the many Pacific staffers on hand enthusiastically handed me a map and gave me a quick guided tour of the 5 available food stations. Which I will now list if for no other reason than to show of their hilarious names:

On Exhibition
Apparently this means grilled items. Like burgers and and such.

Grainery/Deli
Technically they're two separate station, but one's bread and soup and shit. The other's the sandwich station. Bet you can't guess which is which!

Pacific Rim
Asian food. Allegedly including sushi. And other various Oriental delights.

Classics
All that classic food your mom used to make like spaghetti, meatloaf, and chicken.

Taqueria
This is a Stockton based blog, I shouldn't have to explain what a Taqueria is.

There's also a salad bar and a coffee shop on the first floor in the general vicinity of the Marketplace. But those cost money so I didn't even go near them.


I opted for the Oriental section, mostly because in the old Summit (the previous cafeteria-type place) that meant a bowl of rice with stir fry on top. As I approached the station, I realized that was not the case. Instead of a made when you order it rice bowl, the Asian station has turned into pretty much a cafeteria-style experience. You have your tray, you tell the person behind the counter what you want, and they scoop it out of another tray and hand you a plate with your food on it. Maybe the the Summit spoiled me (As a college age resident of Stockton, I've spent my fair share of time at UOP). Granted, this new system isn't a bad thing, I'm just a creature of habit. While disappointed that I didn't have my rice bowl, I was happy that I was able to get my food almost immediately (that "almost" being the line). Before, while waiting for the rice bowl, you had to kind of stand around with a usually huge line behind you while waiting for the stir fry to..well..fry. Time is the price for freshness.

I was also happy that they finally added some variety. Before, the rice bowl was the extent of the Asian cuisine experience at UOP. Well, unless you count the sushi trays. But I make it a general rule to not buy prepackaged sushi sitting in an open air fridge. Just a personal choice, but understandable. But while I was excited to try something new, it also exposed one of my cultural weaknesses. I'm not really up snuff on my Asian foods. I recognized some of the easy ones, there was some chow mein, white and fried rice, and an egg roll. But past that I was at a loss. There was something that was deep fried that tasted kind of sweet and soury, but didn't have any sweet and sour sauce. (Unless they cooked it into the deep fry batter McGriddle style. If so, I want to marry that little sweet and sour ball and have its kids.) There was also some sort of vegetable mix that swam around in what I think was teriyaki sauce. (Oh yeah, I'm no food critic either. But we'll get to what I thought of the foods later.)

After I got my food I needed to find something to wash it all down with. On each side of the Marketplace there's fountain drink stations. Unfortunately while there were 6 or so food stations, there were only 2 drink stations. Depressingly this was twice the amount of drink stations the Summit had. (3 times if you count the Lair) After finding which winding line was the one that ended with me getting a drink, I informed the two empty handed people in front of me that this was the drink line. I then handed them my map and they thanked me as they braved the free food frenzy. The drink line took longer than my food line, but that was more because the jackasses in front of me had an undetermined number of people in their group. Sometimes I was only 3 people away, but then 2 of their friends would come back with cups, because they all forgot cups. And then after all of that, the assholes get water. It's free food fuckos! That means load up on the Mt. Dew while it flows like water!

When it was finally my turn I was disappointed to find out that the ice had run out. It was excusable because roughly half the population of Stockton had descended upon the place in search for a free lunch. Although that still didn't take the sting out of waiting 10 minutes for some warm Dr. Pepper.

I expected finding seating to be a bear, but as with the entire time I spent there, UOP was on the ball and expected it. They had plenty of outside seating to accommodate the penny pinching masses. The food was good considering I wasn't sure what to expect with many bites. Although I guess mystery is what you get when you tell the server "just give me a little bit of everything." What can I say? I'm adventurous.

After cleaning my plate (ok, so maybe it was good regardless of the mystery), I realized one big downfall. My plate was an actual plate, not a paper plate. I have to give this back. Yes, I almost immediately realized that the new UC was a green building. Fucking hippies. At first I thought that I had overlooked the disposable to go plates, but then I remembered my plate was handed to me already full of food. If I then wanted to go back and chow down in the dorm of some broad I had picked up earlier in the Lair, I'd have to come back to return the plate. (Because I would never just throw the plate away anyways in that situation.) Also, I remember drinks coming in different sizes so I could enjoy my Dr. Pepper throughout the day. Now I have a small plastic cup. But hey, free refills!

All in all it was a pretty decent experience. I was expecting mass chaos and was pleasantly surprised that I was in and out within a half hour. During free food day no less. The new UC is a sight to behold. Althought hat new water "fountain" is a drunken death waiting to happen. It's basically a rock slate with a half-inch lip, and the water pours over the lip into a grate that recycles the water. Considering it's in front of the building that houses the only legal public drinking place on campus, I'm predicting a "UOP Student's half inch of death" headline sometime in the future.

I hope you enjoyed this semi-review. I'm used to reviewing movies so being a food critic was kind of new to me. But I guarantee this will be better than the inevitable Fitzy column on the place. But we had it here first, so suck it Record.