(Insert "you fucked up" chant here)

Sorry for my absence guys. I thought I had posted the BWDW on Friday but I guess I just saved it as a draft or something. Since the bar it was about is in the past tense now the post needs to have some tinkering done to make it relevant. It'll be up Friday, unless I fuck it up again. Which is not only possible, but probable.

Slick's back in town but it's been a pretty slow local news week. The front page of the local section (and the featured story on recordnet.com?) was a story about a motivational speaker doing his thing at St. Marys. He has no arms, no legs, and what looks like a penis for a foot. (Don't worry, I'm 99% sure I'm going to hell anyways.) It's a touching story. And by touching I mean mind-crushingly useless. (Did you know you should be yourself and not sweat high school drama? Thanks Jesus freak...err guy.) I saw through this shtick when I was 14. Can't they at least have gotten Matt Rolloff?

Oh, and Fitzy wants us to buy a boat because it was built in Stockton. Which makes sense since the city's been trying so hard to keep other historical pieces of Stockton around. Oh wait. Well, at least Stockton's got the extra scratch to throw around...oh wait. (Yes, both those columns are from the same edition of the Record, only 7 freaking pages apart. But I'm stealing Slick's thunder. I just had to point that out.)

Lastly, I put the all points bulletin out on MySpace, but if you're a local band interested in getting your music played on our coming-sooner-than-you-think podcast, shoot me an e-mail.

San Joaquin Delta College, Consult it!

I'm outskis after this. See you guys next week. Hope Duke doesn't get too sentimental with tomorrows BWDW Special Edition
This Delta College shit will not go away. This week the venerable Delta Board of Trustees approved handing a quarter of a million dollars to a consultant to tell them how to spend their bond money. Kathy Roach is said consultant and her job is to fix a mess that the college has blamed on past consultants. In other words, they hired a consultant to consult them on how to fix problems caused by a consultant.

Not too bad so far right? Except for that part near the end of the article where they pay the consulting firm that fucked up twice as much for only 6 months work. Can we get some one to consult the consultant on how to consult the Trustees on paying the consultants?

Shit to do for the Labor Day weekend

We're throwing out an early shit to do this weekend because I'm actually doing shit this weekend so I won't be here to do it. El Duke should be here to take care of you Friday and if anything of note happens during the 3-day weekend. That is, if he's sober enough to operate a keyboard.

Thursday 8/28
Novacain will be at the Blackwater at 7 with Yellow Dot Project. If you haven't seen Novacain we highly suggest them. The listing on the 209Vibe website called this "Noise Pop", I'd say that's accurate. Plus Middagh rocks. $5

If you'd rather go the hardcore drinking route, today is sadly the last Thirsty Thursday of the year. Dollar beers and Ports v. Jethawks. Gates open at 6:05. Tickets start at $5.

Friday 8/29
Ocean Evaporate, Solidify, Quick 50, and In The Abscence are playing at BWDW Fats Grill and Bar starting at 9. Fats is always a fun place for shows when the Latin Magic Band isn't there. (Sorry, we're not fans of that band, and they seem to play there every other fucking day.) $5

Saturday 8/30
The Pubcrawl returns this night and is another great route to go for the drinker in all of us. It starts at 5pm and is all over downtown, including a Ports game and probably the event listed below. $35

Minor Dischord is playing at Bradley's at 9pm if you don't feel like paying $35 for Crawler status. Free.

Sunday 8/31
Carcrashlander, French Cassetes, and Alexis Gideon play the Blackwater at 7. This is pretty much the only thing going on Sunday. Unless of course you plan on getting shitfaced on Sunday night because you don't have to work Monday.

Monday 9/1
Go outside, it's Labor Day. Nothing of note is listed on the 209Vibe website. If Duke finds anything he'll update this over the weekend.

Delta College Board of Trustes apparently run by Captain Obvious

A couple weeks ago I tore apart Delta College (not literally, although I understand if you think so by looking at the place.) for mismanagement of voter approved bond money.

It continues to baffle me how the Delta trustees could be so short sighted to not realize that contruction estimates are notoriously lowballed all the fucking time (just ask city leaders about the Arena's estimate). Not to mention that their dedication to buiding the campus in Mountain House was borderline stalkerish. To be honest, I've lived here my entire life and I'd never even heard of Mountain House until Delta decided to buy up a plot of land there for the Mountain House campus.

Whenever voter approved dollars are misused, we of course have to waste more tax dollars to find out who fucked up. And the San Joaquin County civil grand jury found that the Delta College trustees "made decisions which have caused serious problems and wasted millions of dollars in Measure L funds." Pretty much echoing what anybody who's been paying attention knew.

What did those of us paying attention know? The grand jury put it best, "The district needs capable trustees who are able to meet the task of bringing Delta College into the 21st century." Ouch. Take that Anthony Bugarin.

But that's all old news. That grand jury report isn't anything knew. What is new is that the trustees themselves finally admitted that they know they fucked up big time too, making them the last people in the entire county to find out that they're shitty at their jobs. Better late than never I guess.

The first ever Bar We're Down With

Not to brag or anything, but we like to consider ourselves an accomplished group of drinkers. Mostly because there's absolutely nothing else to do in this town but get shitty drunk (and watch movies...while shitty drunk). So it seemed only natural that when Duke came aboard we would put our expertise together to give you a list of the best bars in the area.

There are some that are decent, but only these select few will be considered the cream of the crop, a full head, shoulders, and set of huge chesticles above the rest.

Two Fridays ago we posted the criteria, this week we bring you the first inductee in the inaugrual 2008 class of Bars We're Down With (name subject to change). It was a painstaking process to decide which bars to induct. Drinks were drank, girls were unsuccessfully hit on, fights happened, friendships forever altered.

In the end, we came up with a list that will probably change before the year is over. But for now we have an inductee. (Note: Inductees are inducted in no particular order) Following the meticulously laid out judging criteria, we give you...

Fats Bar and Grill Grill and Bar

Fats owner Ben on the left. The man, the myth, the legend, Muff on the right. Party bus in background.

Fat's has always been a place near and dear to our hearts. Duke spent at least a little bit of pretty much every day of 2007 there. They're always the first place we consider for Mardi Gras. And they have a fantastic crab feed every year. Not to mention that their yearly party bus to and A's game (pictured above) is an awesome excuse to start drinking at 8am on a Sunday.

When we were pretty much extensions of the bar stools the place was owned by Mike. Who's pretty much one of the awesomest dudes around. This year he sold the place to Fat's employees Ben (again, pictured above) and Teresa who have kept the torch of awesomeness alive and well. And of course before we go to the scorecards we would get our asses kicked if we didn't mention that Jenae is 35 different types of awesome. Of course, we've always had a soft spot in our hearts for former female high school wrestlers. Alright, to the judges...

Drink Prices: 7
Maybe as semi-regulars we're probably a bit biased in this (and probably all) categories. That being said I've never felt the prices at Fat's were unfair. They claim to be a restaurant first and a bar second but they still have prices on par with most bars. Going by memory I believe it's $3 for a domestic draft and $4 for an import. I could be off by a dollar or two, looks like I'll have to go back and do more research.

Variety and Quality of Alcohol: 9
Fats boasts an impressive collection of draft beers. Last I checked it was around 30 or so beers ranging from Budweiser to Fat Tire. And don't think we're just beer snobs here, they're collection of hard liquor is also quite a sight to behold. Including those fancy Jagermeister on tap machines (they have Patron ones too) and a Slushie machine that chugs out margaritas.

Proximity to Other Bars: 6
Fats is kind of on an island in it's shopping center. Tora Sushi and John's Incredible Pizza are the nearest establishments that serve alcohol, but those are primarily restaurants, and John's doesn't even have hard liquor. The Graduate is a short jaunt away as is BJ's and Chili's. If you're feeling frisky you can try going to Valley Brew. But if you do, please take a cab. Those UOP cops are always itching for someone to pull over.

Munchies: 10
This, above all else, is Fats' shining star. Their menu is downright impressive. If you're eating on the cheap you can get so Sopapillas. If you have a little bit of scratch to throw around I suggest getting a pizza. It is the unrivaled best pizza in Stockton. BJ's can suck a dick if they think they even belong in the same sentence as Fats'. If you feel like eating until you explode and throw up and eat some more, you can try the Fat's feast. It involves steak, ribs, and I think shrimp. But that's only if you feel like spending a month on the shitter.

Swimsuit Competition: 7
Last I checked, Fats had predominantly male bartenders. So we extended it to their waitresses too. Which is really where they shine in this category. Unfortunately, I think we've sat at a table at Fats all of twice. So we haven't exactly spent the optimal amount of time judging in this category. Luckily their score was also boosted by the women on the aforementioned party bus. Oh hey, more pictures...

Wow, maybe 7 was a bit conservative. Especially for that hottie in the back.

Now that we've gotten that pesky scorecard out of the way, we'll each give you our parting words. More than likely these will be super inside stories that only 4 people will get. But hey, that's how a lot of hall of fame-esque inductions go. We tried to track down Briss Issak, that's what delayed the post. If he sends me his piece before this gets posted Monday, it'll be here. If not, we've found someone even less dedicated than Duke is to Vegas Kings.

Since this is my site, I get to go first. And in honor of our missing friend, it'll only be one sentence. "I've never seen her be affectionate towards men before." Take it away Duke.

Doesn't that just mean...oh wait, we've been over this already. Like Slick stated earlier, I spent pretty much every day of 2007 in Fats. And as I've said before, I'm only half as much of an alcoholic as that statement makes me sound like. I used to work next door and am pretty much the reason for getting those two over to Fats. There's too many stories to tell, Slick touched on one. One of my favorites it when I soloed it to the Kings Viewing Party they held there last season. It resulted in one of my favorite articles/columns/posts I've ever written. So if we leave with anything it has to be the mental image of a man dressed like a lion signing autographs in a bar, then serving me a beer.

Hasselhoff approved, KITT not so sure.

Ok, confession time. I actually wrote the quick links last night and scheduled the post for this morning. I wasn't even awake at 7. But hey, we're slowly posting more regularly. That's gotta count for something.

In hindsight I wish I had held off until I read today's Record which is a cornicopia of ads disguised as articles. The most egregious of which is the featured story on the front page. For those too lazy to click through, it's pretty much a soft feature on Stockton resident Queen Emily. She's made it to the next stage of America's Got Talent.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for finding the local angle in something, but it isn't exactly the most heartwarming story. First of all, she's not even really from Stockton. She moved here a fucking year ago. I'm no elitest, but as far as I'm concerned she's "Houston's Queen Emily" not Stockton's. (Trust me, Duke is worse. He still asks "old or new?" when someone says they're from Morada.)

Ignoring the fact that outside of the hip-hop world any broad who gives themself a royal nickname without actually being related to royalty is usually a royal bitch, the feature continues. She's unselfishly taken in her daughter's troubled sons. Which is actually pretty awesome until a later story tells us that when faced with the choice of having electricity or entering a singing competition, she choses to spend her power bill money to enter the singing competition.

What? Is that supposed to show drive and determination in the face of adversity or show that she shouldn't have those two sons with her?

On top of all that, they're making it seem like it's a big deal that she might win the minor league of talent based reality shows. (At least Stockton's staying consistant.) No less an authority than The Hoff himself says she's an amazing singer. The guy who brought us "Looking for Freedom" and "Du" musically and Baywatch Nights visually (It's baywatch with clothes! It'll be awesome!) is the guy we're supposed to listen to.

Look, I don't know the lady. All I'm saying is if she actually had talent, she'd be on American Idol and not some filler reality show that can only get ratings during the television wasteland that is the summer.

I'd also dissect Fitzy's press release for the new bakery that opened at the BJ's/REI shopping center. But this thing's getting to long as it is. Although I'm wondering how much I have to pay to get my own article. I can offer $5 and a handful of fun-sized Big Hunks.

Weekend Shit To Do for 8/22-8/24

Hey look, another new feature. Here's the shit happened in Stockton this weekend that caught our eyes.

Tonight on the WPC Lawn at UOP at 8pm they're showing Animal House and Old School for move-in weekend if that's your sort of thing. The Lair should be open by then, somebody let us know if the rumored 3-drink maximum is true. If so, they get the scarlett letter of shitty bars. I'm guessing it's free.

Flava Flav's Block Party is coming to Modesto on Saturday. I said "caught our eyes", not "will be good" $20

I haven't heard of any of the bands playing The Matinee Saturday at 9, but El Duke tells me it's an awesome venue. The bands allegedly play in front of one of the old Stockton Royal movie screens. So, you know, be high. $10

Boomsnake will be at the Blackwater on Sunday at 7pm. If you're into ex-members of Say Anything. El Duke made me put this one because he knows somebody named Jan Fisco and there's a Jan Fisco listed as a supporting act. Plus Boomsnake is a kinda cool name. $8

By the way, kudos to 209Vibe for a quality website. I've never been much for supporting music just because it's local, that's more El Duke's thing. So good job Ian Hill, welcome ot the short list of Record writers I respect.

Quick Links for Friday 8/22

The Record yesterday was full of hilarious/useless nuggets. Here's some of that in some quick links.

Guess who's back? The Record continues it's love affair with Steve Pinkerton. After redeveloping Stockton into only the second most dangerous city in California (and only second in misery too!), he moved on after a job well done to take the same job in Manteca of all places. His idea to redevelop Manteca? Revitalize their downtown area. Why does that sound familiar?

Congressman Jerry McNerney likes hats. He wears them all the time. He has a collection that boasts more than 20 hats. He visited a Stockton hat store and was given a couple. Do you care? Yeah, neither do I. I wonder if they can give me some free advertisement for this place.

I wasn't kidding earlier today when I said they tore down Ye Olde Hoosier Inn to make way for a bigger KFC. Fucking ridiculous.


Wal-Mart shows it's ugly head in Lodi again. Does Lodi really need a Super Wal-Mart? What are they going to do with the empty shell of the old Wal-Mart? Have it go through 2 incarnations of a furniture store after sitting vacant for years then finally split the building in two and make it two furniture stores?

DUI checkpoints on Labor Day weekend? Good thing the Record told us. The cops never increase patrols during weekends built around drinking.

The mind droppings of Fitzy himself. His blog on the Record's site is borderline useless like the rest of the Record's website. Although his post yesterday from some stooge asking him if the CA budget impasse is in violation of the state constitution is pretty funny. If only for the shot at Fitzy's ego. (Which he acknowledges)

ZOMG! Sports news people actually care about. Give that man a sidebar!

I was planning on going to the press conference the Kings had at UOP yesterday, but in true Record fashion they buried the time and location of Coach Theus' appearance in the Local Roundup section of the completly useless Sports page. I wouldn't have been able to make it anyways since I had to work at the time. But I wonder what went on there...

Holy Schnikes! An actual article about the Kings written by a Record writer? (With the exact headline I would have come up with too) Jason Anderson isn't just a pseudonym for Sam Amick right? The Record actually decided to cover a team people actually care about? I mean sure, nothing that we didn't know already was in the article. (Did you know the Kings are in the middle of a youth movement?) But hey, this is a step towards them, you know, actually covering the game when they come to they Spanos Center.

Original reporting about the closest professional sports team (minor leagues don't count. Or in the case of the Lightening, minor league teams of minor leagues.) resulted in me actually reading part of the Record's Sports page for the first time in a long fucking while. Original articles, what a novel concept.

Wait a minute, good news?

I was amazed today to get The Record and actually see some good local news grace the front page. The Stockton 99 Speedway is coming back.

I'm no gearhead and I have never actually attended a race at the Speedway, but this can only bring good things. All too much over the past couple years we've seen Stockton landmarks fall by the wayside for new developments. Whether it's tearing down the corpse of Golfland to build another fucking Walgreens (as if we needed one), shuttering Pollardville for a shopping center when the Raley's shopping center had just opened the previous winter (not to mention Morada already had a failed shopping center across the fucking street from Pollardville that ended up getting turned into a private school), the shutting down of Hammer Skate, rendering Billy Hebert Field completly useless in favor of downtown revitalization, the closing down (and tearing down) of personal favorite the Ye Olde Hoosier Inn to make way for a KFC, or the infamous selling of the Stockton 99 Speedway to make room for even more housing developments. God damn, that list is even more depressing when typed out.

When I first heard about the Speedway closing to make way for a housing development, my first thought was probably the same as yours. "Who the fuck would want to live over there?" Well the answer, it looks like, is noone. The company that bought the land rights decided that maybe Stockton has enough new housing developments. (I guess Fitzy's the only one who thinks we need more)

So who's responsible for the first victory in the city's assault on landmarks they didn't create themselves? Former Speedway racer and Ron Jeremy doppelganger Tony Noceti and his wife Carol (Although to be fair, all fat guys with mustaches look like Ron Jeremy to us). They plan on refurbishing the torn up track and grandstand and hope to have it open by spring of next year. In addition to getting the track's NASCAR sanction back, the Noceti's would also like to host swap meets and concerts at the track.

One can only hope this is the beginning of a trend where we actually start to reclaim our landmarks (and titles maybe?) back. It may be Pixie Woods' only hope.