Quick Links for March 4th

OK, actual post today. For those wondering, yesterday kicked ass. We drank 10 shots of tequila in just the first half hour. Took lots of pictures with hot women who wouldn't look at us twice if their bosses weren't paying them to pretend we have a shot. And El Duke got so drunk that he insisted a midget wrestler (Oh, did I forget to mention there was midget tag match?) punch him in the face. Twice. The first time he just did it for fun, then he realized he might want to record it for posterity's sake. So we got away with a lot of pictures, pretty gnarly hangovers, and a video of El Duke getting punched by a midget and him selling it like he got hit by a Mack truck. Oh and Quick Links!

Oh wait, did we say we have to let you go? Just kidding.

Oh wow, the trustees are so giving. They took a Mormon pay cut! This fixes everything! Great way to lead by example guys. Or it's just an empty gesture in an attempt to appease critics. Which, and I know this is going to be shocking, isn't going to work. What they left out of the story is that 10% pay cut actually went into a pool that will go to the person who can go the longest without saying something about the economy.

Don't you just love bullshit?

Since the economy is cratering (fuck, there goes my $75) in part because people are freaking out after economists and consultants predictions for the future were way off, it totally makes sense that we're listening to these douchebags for help to get out of this crisis. We don't pretend to be economic/housing experts, but can't we all just agree we need to stop with the prediction game because none of us truly have any fucking idea what the future holds?

Really though, what these economists are doing is looking at history and stats and then just fucking guessing. It's like half of ESPN's programming except, you know, everybody's livelihood depends on it. And any jackass can take a shot in the dark. Watch.

I predict by this time next year our economy will be entirely dependent on inflatable furniture sales. And our currency will be Taco Bell sauce packets. Sounds pretty ridiculous right? Sadly, it's not nearly as ridiculous as Jeff Michael's (UOP's version of Stephen A. Smith) prediction for the housing market. From the linked article:

"Yet excess housing in this foreclosure period will be bought up next year, and expected population growth will renew the demand to at least 5,300 new homes a year to keep up, he said."

Within the next year? I guess economists don't have to take piss tests. I'm really curious as to who he thinks is going to buy the ridiculous amount of foreclosed homes in the area. No really, is some magic money fairy going to come by and give us all trees that sprout c-notes? Fuck, I could totally be an economist. I can take blind stabs at things and I hate jobs that drug test. I predict that the economy will recover on May 3rd at 3pm. Somebody cut me a consultant check please.

Wow, that was pretty quick

The big fear everybody had when Cal Trans decided to be dicks and break up the homeless camp on the largely unused land under the crosstown was that it would put the bums in a more dangerous position and that they'd probably have to cross the freeway to get to another camp. And well, exactly that happened. Apparently a life is an acceptable price to take care of a mild annoyance for the state. You stay classy California.

Ok, the convention hall is about to open up. I'm not sure if I could drink if I tried right now. I couldn't even finish my breakfast of a Whopper Jr. and fries. Although part of that was due to the fact that the O'Shea's Burger King is officially the only restaurant that doesn't do free refills. Because, you know, fountain sodas are really expensive. So, 10 feet away I could sit at a nickel slot and get free alcohol with free refills, but at a place where I actually bought a non-alcoholic drink that costs them less than a quarter a day to maintain I'm shit out of luck.

There was your classic meandering rant. I know you missed it. See you guys later.

Because we know you care, here's what we've been up to

We got a half hour or so til the Convention Hall opens up, so why not post a small update.

If one theme's been prevalent during this entire convention it's the economy. Bars are getting hit pretty hard but so is Vegas and the Convention. Parties have been scaled back. Free booze eliminated. It's depressing. Luckily we're at a bartender convention so there still is some free booze. Just not as much.

Local connection alert! There was a billboard on a truck advertising a Vegas show about menopause featuring none other than 2-year Stockton resident Queen Emily. That's right, everybody's all excited for a glorified Vegas performer. I love Stockton.

We hit up the Palms for the kickoff party featuring a performance by Sugar Ray. Chumbawumba was presumably unavailable. About 1 and a half songs in we remembered Sugar Ray's big hit was from Space Jam and took off for the Playboy Club. We said $5 would go to the first person to spot a Maloof, $10 if you could name them (we're high rollers, I know). We were joking, but sure enough El Duke spotted Joe Maloof sitting at a couch. Of course he took off as soon as our dumbasses said "Hey, isn't that Joe Maloof?" within ear shot.

Like I said, we're at the convention hall. It's interesting watching hundreds of hungover bartenders wait with baited breath for a chance to mooch sample some free liquor. Wee-Man of Jackass fame just walked out so I said "What's up" and gave him some a fist pound.

If I'm sober enough to type I'll do more updates later. So no more updates.

Day off

I know we've been taking days off more and more lately. But this time we have a legitimate excuse. Those who follow the KSK Fantasy/Sex Advice Mailbag know that we had a Vegas trip planned and well, we're here. We're all at the Sports Book at the Luxor as I type this. Trying to find out who the home team is for the Heat/Cavs game. Bris is cold today but the big jew also bet $100 on a 50-50 shot on roulettle three times in our first 5 hours here.

We're all up money-wise to varying degrees (We know you care). We tagged along with a local bar for the bartender's convention so really, we're considering this a business trip. We'll update you with any local bar news if we come by it. But I'm being dragged back to the Bellagio so maybe see you tomorrow.

Oh and thanks Fitzy.