Is that you Clyde? Seriously, this isn't cool! I'm the symbol this town needs! Not you!

Yesterday in the Quick Links I relayed the story of a proposed group of vigilantes that would "activate" (their words, not mine) if the city were to lay off 43 police officers this summer. Everybody and their mothers agreed that it was a horrible idea... ok, well everybody with a brain did (oh, and Mike Fitzgerald). Others called in to say "I have a death wish! Sign me up!" Which really wasn't that surprising.

What was surprising was that somebody called up to say they had that idea already. No really, they even have uniforms. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Angels of Christ (Ok, technically it's given by David Siders). They are by far the most depressing militia of all time.

They're run by (or at least represented by) Martin Hernandez of Stockton who decided to protest the proposed layoffs of at least 43 of Stockton's finest. Because, you know, the city wants to lay those officers off.

As if that uniform (which if our knowledge of all things Olden Polynice is correct, can't be legal) wasn't depressing enough, this group comes complete with delusions of grandeur!

From Siders' blog:

"Hernandez said there are 16 people in his group and that he has detained perhaps 20 people in three months for the Stockton Police Department to arrest."

Oh, so their working with Stockton PD. I wonder what they have to say about this uptick in vigilantism.

"Officer Pete Smith, a department spokesman, said, 'I’ve never heard of Angels of Christ.'"

Hmmm, that seems to directly contradict Hernandez's comment. Do they just drop criminals off on the Police Department's stoop? Surely they have more training than the Stockton Armed Militia.

"Hernandez said he learned in Sacramento 10 years ago how to arrest people and use weapons"

Oh, well that's in no way comforting. Nothing says "safety" like 10 year old detainment tactics. At the very least they're a bunch of big guys. You know, like bouncers or something. Somebody imposing looking and this disheveled, unemployed man is just their spokesperson.

"Hernandez, of Angels of Christ, is at the podium... He is introducing Sandra, who he said is also an Angel of Christ."

Aww, isn't that adorable. They let women into their group. Sandra must be some sort of Amazon woman if she can hang with the AoC.

"Sandra said she is a teenager."

What. The. Fuck. Fucking teenagers!?

So let me get this straight. Stockton's proposing laying off upwards of 90 police officers and the residents of our fair city come back with multiple vigilante groups patrolling the streets with one involving teenage girls? Seriously!? This is the best fucking idea we can come up with?

I hate to sound like an elitist (that's Fitzy's schtick) but this is why we have our current government structure. The residents of Stockton can never eeeeeeeeever bitch about the horrible ideas presented by the City Council again. Sure, some of them may present silly ideas like declaring bankruptcy. But that idea pales in comparison to having an armed, overmatched group of vigilantes roaming the most dangerous areas of Stockton or replacing sworn officers with sad-looking dudes and teenagers. Hell, compared to impending vigilante warfare declaring bankruptcy looks like as good an idea as a Scarlett Johannsen topless scene.

Sadly, the national media is picking up on these stories. They love to exploit crazy people apparently. In the previously linked Fitzy article the World's dumbest attorney Ron Stein said he had an appointment his morning to talk to the Associated Press. Great, because if there's one thing Stockton needs it's more negative press. Is it too early to start drinking bourbon?

Kings Kolumn: In which I suggest replacing a horrible idea with a slightly less horrible idea

Oh hey, I'm supposed to have a sports column on here aren't I? I haven't read Bob Highfill's column today,but I'm going out on a limb and saying it sucks. Speaking of sucking, that brings me to the topic of this week's Kings Kolumn...

Ailene Voisin can go suck a fat dick

Last week Sac Bee columnist Ailene Voisin penned a column that suggested the best way to save Reggie Theus' job is for the team to take on former Monarchs coach John Whisenant as an assistant coach. She was 15 different types of wrong, but if you tell her that, she'd probably just say you're being sexist. It's the great catchall of the WNBA, if you say anything negative about it you're labeled a misogynist. Trust me, I know. But if the WNBA ever wants to be truly accepted they have to realize that they're game is going to be held in equal standard with the men's game, and that's where the WNBA truly fails. There is no comparison.

Voisin opines that adding the Whis would help the Kings because he was a defensive guru for the Monarchs. And that's just the point, it's the fucking Monarchs. It's way easier to develop a game plan to shut down Diana Taurasi or the corpse of Lisa Lesile than it is to develop a defensive strategy for the likes of Chris Paul and Dwight Howard. Fuck, I'm pretty sure I could come up with a defensive scheme to shut down Lisa Lesile. You don't even have to guard down low. What the fuck are they going to do? Dunk it?

That's not a sexist statement, that's a realist statement. The disparity between the two leagues is too great and anybody with even a little bit of basketball knowledge knows this. Which is another reason Whis shouldn't get a shot, he would be the least respected coach in the NBA. And that would still be true even if PJ Carlesimo was still around. Ignoring the fact that Reggie Theus would try and undermine him at every turn because if by the grace of God the team shows marked improvement under Whis then Reg is still out of a job, there's a precedent. The Nuggets brought in Michael Cooper to coach the fledgling Nuggets in 2005. He was the first coach to make the jump from the W and was a former player to boot. As an interim coach he went 4-10 and was replaced mid-season by current Nuggets coach George Karl. Do you know how often a interim coach gets replaced mid-season? Almost never, it's the interim coach's job to suck and eat up all those losses on their record that the guy they plan on hiring during the offseason doesn't want affecting his lifetime win percentage. Again, this guy was a former championship player in the NBA, and lost the respect of all of his players by just being a former WNBA coach. And people are trying to position Whis as the savior?

Perhaps most damning of all is the subject brought up by Sactown Royalty's Tom Ziller, we've already been down the Whisenant road before. When the Kings fired Adelman (or if you're the Maloof bros. "Just didn't renew his contract") the Maloofs pushed for his replacement to be Whisenant. Geoff Petrie, the man responsible for all those successful teams we love and are nostalgic for, was so vehemently against the idea that he pushed for the team to sign Eric "no really officer, I swear I'm of legal drinking age" Musselman instead. If ever there was a sign as to how little respect the WNBA has in NBA circles, it's the fact that one of the smartest GMs in the league hated the idea of having a WNBA coach so much that he pushed for a guy who was replaced in Golden State by Mike Montgomery.

Is it wrong? Maybe just a little, everybody deserves a chance. John Whisenant just doesn't deserve this chance. His presence, even just as an assistant would undermine the entire coaching staff and would absolutely kill any shred of team chemistry that we have left. Yes, the Kings need help defensively, but Whis isn't the man to help us. So who is? (Watch as I destroy any shred of credibility I have!) The man Theus replaced, Eric Musselman.

If the Kings were to hire Muss as an assistant (and I hear he's available), he could bring that defensive mind of his back to the team and not be distracted with developing that pesky offense (which when Muss was head coach meant Ron hucking up prayer threes for half the game). Taking the pressure of being a head coach off of Muss's tiny, childlike frame would possibly rejuvenate his currently dying career. Plus he may have already earned back the respect of players everywhere by tagging sideline reporter Danyelle Sargent. And perhaps best of all, nobody would be wondering when Muss was going to supplant Theus as head coach. There would be no locker room divided between Camp Theus and Camp Muss because nobody wants to see Head Coach Musselman ever again. Although, I'd still rather have Coach Muss than Coach Whis.