Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Quick Links for April 8th

Now that the incredibly depressing news is out of the way, let's see what else is going on in Stockton today in everybody's favorite link dump known as the Quick Links!

Come to Crazy Larry's Discount Homes where our prices are insa-a-ane!

Wooooo! We're #1! We're #1!

Ok, now that we got that out of the way, we gotta say we're kind of disappointed that in light of all the redevelopment efforts the best HGTV can come up with to sell people on Stockton is that we're close to Sacramento and the Bay Area. It's a good thing we paid all those consultants to help market the city with their various ideas on how to "brand" us. Let's ditch "Celebrate Stockton!" like we so quickly ditched "The Event City" and make the new PR campaign be "Stockton: Close to a lot of shit".

Notice how we're disappointed, but not surprised that HGTV decided our proximity to other cities was more important than our own burgeoning music scene, quality bars, downtown as a whole, fighting reputation, and many other positive things. At least they didn't mention our unemployment rate, apparently high levels of misery, or the looming turf war between vigilante groups.

Can't a homeless guy just be homeless?

In a classic case of deja vu (the term, not the strip club), another homeless encampment was broken up yesterday. This one being the camp that replaced the old encampment under the crosstown that was broken up last month. So if Groundhog's Day rules apply here that means somebody's getting hit by a car on the freeway sometime next week. All to improve Stockton's otherwise totally positive public image. And locking out an old lady from her electric wheelchair is always a nice touch. You stay classy Cal Trans.

So it's come down to this... (Note: Probably NSFW)

It's kind of a slow news day so we'll update you on KSK's Nasty Fetish Tourney that we helped out with a couple of weeks ago. All the fetishes featured on our site have gone down in defeat en route to the championship matchup. And what a matchup it is. In the Sophie's Choice of fetishes necrobeastiality takes on close relative, regular beastiality (yes, I just described beastiality as regular. Luckily I'm pretty sure I'm already going to hell). Last I checked necrobeastiality was winning by a large margin, but there are really no losers in this tournament. Except, of course, our innocence. Once this is over, let us never speak of this again.

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