Saturday, April 25, 2009

Special Dangerous Weekend Quick Links!

Sorry we weren't around yesterday. We were having some technical issues that kept us offline for most of the day. And of course that has to be the one day shit actually happens this week. And a lot of shit happened yesterday. Enough to warrant a weekend post before I head off to watch the World Deep-Fried Asparagus Eating Championships. So here's a special weekend Quick Links!

See, now this is what Nationally Ranked should be about

I'm not sure what Forbes has against us, but they've put us on another one of their lists again. This time they're pimping our street cred by naming us the 5th Most Dangerous City in America. That's right, in the motherfucking nation! We may not be the champs, but we're in the hunt. Plus we're the highest ranked California city. Suck it Oakland!

Of course, like with their flawed miserable cities list, we must take a look at how they came to this conclusion. From the Forbes article:

"To determine our list, we used violent crime statistics from the FBI's latest uniform crime report, issued in 2008." "We evaluated U.S. metropolitan statistical areas ... with more than 500,000 residents."

Oh hey, that's right up our alley. But, wait, the latest crime report was released in the summer of 2008. And that contained 2007's crime stats. So we're basing this off of 2 year old data, even though the new data gets released in the next couple months. Awesome. All though I could have sworn we lost to Oakland that year.

But hey, we did beat out such illustrious suckholes as Philly and Baltimore. So they can't claim to be more hardcore than us. We're dangerous! We were ultimately defeated by worthy foes Las Vegas, Miami, Memphis, and our old friend Detroit. When the new stats come out in a couple months we probably won't be ranked as high, but until then...

We're #5! We're #5!

Now give me your wallet, I'm from Stockton. I'm dangerous.

Ok, so who booked this? And how long can I kiss them before it's considered inappropriate?

Well, this seems like a big summer concert that will appeal to people of all ages. I'm actually fairly shocked at this announcement. I mean, sure it's 3 old dudes, but it's 3 really fucking cool old dudes. And at $70 bucks a ticket and plenty of advance notice to save up for it, hopefully this concert will be well attended. Of course, this being Stockton's first concert at the Ballpark there's always some room for something to get fucked up. Hopefully nobody rushes Willie on stage like at the Morrissey show. Or the David Lee Roth show at the County Fair a few years back. Feel free to rush Bret Michaels though. Although be careful, he sweats pure hepatitis.

So, to summarize quickly. Willie Nelson, Johnny Cougar, and Bob freaking Dylan are making the last stop on their tour in Stockton and it should be awesome. And don't touch Bret Michaels.

And now, the "Asparatus" story...

Ok, so last year when we went to the Asparagus Festival, we took the Asparabus from Delta. It was within walking distance of my apartment and we intended on getting drunk enough to warrant having a bus drive us the 10 minute drive from downtown to my place.

It was your typical bus ride but my favorite part was the promo video they put on the TV screens in the tour bus. On it, one slide that was in heavy rotation (at least I think there were slides, it was a year ago after all. It could have been just one steady ad) advertised that you were on the bus heading to the Stockton "Asparatus" Festival. Yes, the busses rented out buy the Asparagus Festival played a video presumably made by the Asparagus Festival people, and they didn't spell Asparagus correctly.

We ended up telling the bus driver about the typo figuring he had been getting it all day from fellow Asparabussers. Instead he looked kind of surprised, and sure enough on the bus ride back the video was gone. So not only was Asparagus spelled Asparatus on the Asparabus, but nobody noticed until halfway through the second day.

Yes, I'm easily amused. Now somebody get me that tri-tip and asparagus sandwich.

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