Top 5 omissions from the Record's "Hot Dates" feature yesterday

It's not officially the start of a season until the Record trots out their events calendar on the front page of the LENS section. We'd link to it but putting it up on their website would make too much sense. Why reference things in the paper when you can just visit their bullshit online events calendar that's full of every weaksauce fundraiser and bake sale put on by the few people in this town tech-savvy enough to understand how to work it? But as usual, the edition printed in the actual paper was missing a few rather important pieces of information. I got the brain trust together and here are the 5 biggest omissions in no particular order.

1. April 8th Ports Exhibition Game vs. the Rivercats

Yes, I know the game's already on the calendar, but their missing the most important piece of information. It's a battle of the California League Champs and the AAA National Champs. AAA ball doesn't come to Stockton often, so it's kind of a big deal. So of course the Record completely ignores that angle. The only way we know about it is because we stumbled upon the Ports' Front Office blog , which is actually a pretty decent read for you Ports fans.

2. April 11th Strikeforce Shamrock vs. Diaz HP Pavillion San Jose, CA

This is Nick Diaz's first fight since the EliteXC show in Stockton and Frank Shamrock's first fight in a long time. Both are local products so it makes total sense that the Record hasn't said a fuckng word about this upcoming card. Nevermind the fact that Elk Grove's Scott Smith is also fighting that night. I thought I saw Jake Shields (local fighter number four) on the card too but now it says TBA instead of his name so I assume he's injured. But still, Stockton's own Nick Diaz vs. Lockeford's own Frank Shamrock in the main event of a Showtime fight card doesn't warrant a sentence of coverage? Is the Record's entire sports department high? They're more than willing to fellate the local hockey, arena football, indoor soccer, and minor league baseball teams but they're not willing to cover what's arguably one of the hottest, fastest growing sports in the country? Especially one featuring at least 3 fighters with local connections? Aren't newspapers supposed to eat this shit up? They even list some random fucking boxing event at Arco at the end of the month and don't even list who's fighitng. MMA isn't WWE guys, it's a real fucking sport. Fucking treat it like one.

3. May 23rd Journey Live in Concert Raley Field Sacramento, CA

Let me get this straight, Sacramento can book Journey for an outdoor show in their baseball stadium and we can't? Fuck you IFG. Also, I gotta ask, what the fuck is the Mayor's Hike and Bike event that's listed there instead? You get an opportunity to hike and ride a bike with Ann Johnston? How would you keep up? Mountain goats can walk up steeper hillsides than people can. And why would anybody pay $20 for that? I know the city's hard up for money but that's not what I had in mind when Mayor Johnston started talking about volunteerism. I'll volunteer my time, not my wallet. And if I'm going to open that sucker up, it better be for something I can't do by myself for free.

4. Fats Party Bus to A's game (Date TBD)

OK, so we're running low on events. We're bloggers so we're naturally shut-ins. But BWDW Fats usually takes a bus to an A's game that results in some debaucherous levels of drinking around this time. I'm pretty sure Ben already knows which games but I'm too lazy to call his ass. Either way, this is way better than half the stuffy, boring events listed on the calendar. Plus, Fats has way better food than Paragary's. Whoever pays $40 for that Around the World bullshit next week is a fucking dumbass.

5. June 7th WEC 41 Urijah Faber vs Mike Brown for the WEC Featherweight title Arco Arena

Major MMA event number 2 that the Record missed. Faber is a Sacramento product and considered one of the best pound-for-pound fighters in the world. No really, MMA expert and AOL Fanhouse blogger Michael David Smith just listed Brown and Faber as 9th and 10 respectively in his Top Ten Pound-for-Pound fighter post yesterday. Faber lost his Featherweight title to Brown last year after holding it for a considerable amount of time and gets his rematch in his hometown. Two of the top ten pound-for-pound fighters in the World going toe-to-toe in a rematch for the title is a huge fucking deal. I'll definitely be there pulling for the California Kid to reclaim his title. So naturally the Record has no idea about it and would rather promote a Jewish Food Festival (even Bris Isaak thinks this is ridiculous, just don't tell his mom that).

Our first ever guest post

We're not really used to people noticing when we slack off. So when one of our diligent readers/friends (that's right, she's a diligent friend. We can use big words too Burkin.) asked if she could fill in for our lazy asses, I was more than happy to let her shoulder some of the load. Yes, we know girls. Swear. If you'd like to contribute as well feel free to e-mail us and if it's good we'll put it up here. Don't thank us, we just like to do our part to support local writers. Without further blathering, here's the BaconBabe, who doesn't have a website to link to....yet.
-El Duké

El Duke and Slick Diaz are currently on a "day off," along with Bris Isaak. This is the Bacon Babe filling in for them, while they recover from this weekend. Plus, El Duke is still in a zombie state from some bacon babe making him watch one hour of chick shows. (ed. note: I saw things I can't unsee.)


While dancing with the stars is having their finale and as I dash across the room to change the channel, there is a Thai Major-general who rather not have anything to do with dancing. Khattiya Sawasdiphol has been reassigned to teaching aerobics, after making bombs threats against protesters. The Major-general delivers us, this classic quote about dancing, as quoted in The Record "The army chief wants me, a warrior, to dance at markets. The army chief wants me to be a presenter leading aerobics dancers. I have prepared one dance. It's called the 'throwing-a-hand-grenade' dance." I'd love to link you to the article, but apparently The Record's Three Minute Record, is still only available in print edition.

Two more things The Record can improve on…. Maybe they can send out an email of the Three Minute Record. It can be what it is now, a daily synopsis of the day's news, but in email form. Maybe they do. I never felt the need to subscribe to The Record, print or online.

The second thing. It's really sad The Record doesn't have THErecordnet.com registered. It's too confusing. A paper builds up a brand, as THE Record, but their website leaves off the "the" in its url. It's time for The Record to get the Thai Major-general, to do his "dance" on the URL Squatter's ass and put the domain name into the correct owner's hand.

Meanwhile, over in Fitzy's Fairyland, Fitzy covers the on-going court battle over Delta land given to the nonprofit Shadowbird, by the Indian givers, The Grupe Co. Fitzy starts the story off like a fable, comparing it to a poker tournament. Watching a poker tournament, is the most boring thing, second to Fitzy's column. I occasionally fall asleep during Carson Daly's Last Call and wake up, diving to turn off the TV, during Poker After Dark. Hey! I know what you saying, "this girl is whack." Well, like I said it's the Bacon Babe writing today, while the boys nurse their drinking wounds.

We all know by now, The Record doubles up on reporters, sharing sports writing duties with The Lodi News-Sentinel. Which leaves us, here at RTT, to do their jobs. Here's your sports wrap-up. Niners lost, again. Raiders won. Sometimes headlines can be misleading. Such as this one "East Union High grad gets shot as coach." It confused me, thinking I clicked on the crime section, instead of the sports section.

In other news, Stockton sees second homicide in less than a day.

Has anyone else noticed the lack of legitimate jobs on the Stockton Craigslist? They all appear to be scams.
"Earn Fast Money Now!"
"Work from home!"
"No Fee Required Take Survey!"
It's the old envelope stuffing scam gone high-tech. Oh hey hold up there, it says "reply to ElDuke@reclaimingthetitle." Why that…

Stockton YouTube time!

We don't post nearly enough videos on here, which is really a shame since Stockton is well represented on the YouTubes. So let's remedy that and start things off with video of one of my favorite local artists. He's the recipient an Australian Gold Record, and one of the best freestyle battlers around. Stockton's own Okwerdz.

It's footage from the Fresh Coast Documentary. First up is the intro to Okweezy's segment in the documentary.



And up next is a 2 part cypher in which Ok participates in about a minute into both videos. Also included is Nocando, The Saurus (coincidently also one of Tony Sauro's nicknames), Lush One, D Lor, Tantrum, and Franco.

Part 1:



And Part 2:




More of Okwerdz' videos can be found here. And of course here.

Yeah, but Von Hayes never gave America free tacos

In Bob Highfill's latest ode to Jason Bartlett (by the way, thanks for the free taco, I totally take back that "expendable" line.), he threw out there that Bartlett was only the 3rd SJ County resident that played in the World Series. We let it slide because for one, we knew he meant "native" not "resident". Not that it matters because even with that clarification he was wrong.

I'm probably the last guy who should bitch about research, but then again, I'm not the editor of a newspaper section that prints 2 original articles once every 3 days.

And we'll get to the Best of SJ County insert eventually. We're currently trying to pick up after the mess caused by the mind blowing revelation that the Mike Torres Band is allegedly the second best band in the county.

The Devil Rays and the Phillies go at it today in game 1 of the World Series. The Record's eerily fired up considering it's between two east coast teams with only one local connection. Oh, you didn't know there's a local connection to one of the World Series teams? You must not have read anything Bob Highfill's written in the past 2 months. Today's article talks about how quiet and down to earth Bartlett is. So quiet in fact that it extends to the phones at St. Mary's. Everybody wants to talk to Cole Hamels's old high school, but nobody wants to call St. Mary's for a quote. Why? Obviously it's because he's quiet, keeps to himself, and plays the game right. Or it could be because Cole Hamels is the game one starter and ace of the Phillies' rotation while Jason Bartlett is an expendable shortstop with average numbers at best.

Apparently it's Red Ribbon Week again. For those without kids, Red Ribbon Week is drug awareness week for elementary schools. Granted, in Stockton it's hard to go a week without being aware of drugs, but I guess it's good to have a designated week for it.

Speaking of drugs, SJ County has finally decided to begrudgingly give us our medical marijuana ID cards. But they really want you to know they'd prefer not to. They even spout off hilarious "facts" like the uncertainty regarding how much sticky icky one is allowed to posses with the card. Clearly the Board doesn't smoke, because if you ask any stoner about medicinal doja they'll spout off information like the fucking rain man. And then they'll promptly lose their keys...and car. Props to Zach Johnson for the quality lead though.

And finally, in our ongoing effort to find all local blogs, someone sent in a link to a site dedicated to bringing down Lathrop Mayor Kristy Sayles. We're not saying we agree with what's on the site, because frnakly we're still shocked that Lathrop gets it's own mayor. But hey, there it is. It is kind of adorable to watch somebody feud with the Manteca Bulletin though.

Oh, and Dolemitewatch continues. Give a great American hero his due Record!

Oakland's Own Queen Emily Places 5th on America's Got Talent

So the America's Got Talent season finale was on last night. Guess who didn't win? That's right Houston's Oakland's Stockton's "own" Queen Emily. Now the Record will have to find some other local angle to pound into the ground for the next couple months.

Oh hey, they found him already. So now you'll write about pro sports.

Hasselhoff approved, KITT not so sure.

Ok, confession time. I actually wrote the quick links last night and scheduled the post for this morning. I wasn't even awake at 7. But hey, we're slowly posting more regularly. That's gotta count for something.

In hindsight I wish I had held off until I read today's Record which is a cornicopia of ads disguised as articles. The most egregious of which is the featured story on the front page. For those too lazy to click through, it's pretty much a soft feature on Stockton resident Queen Emily. She's made it to the next stage of America's Got Talent.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for finding the local angle in something, but it isn't exactly the most heartwarming story. First of all, she's not even really from Stockton. She moved here a fucking year ago. I'm no elitest, but as far as I'm concerned she's "Houston's Queen Emily" not Stockton's. (Trust me, Duke is worse. He still asks "old or new?" when someone says they're from Morada.)

Ignoring the fact that outside of the hip-hop world any broad who gives themself a royal nickname without actually being related to royalty is usually a royal bitch, the feature continues. She's unselfishly taken in her daughter's troubled sons. Which is actually pretty awesome until a later story tells us that when faced with the choice of having electricity or entering a singing competition, she choses to spend her power bill money to enter the singing competition.

What? Is that supposed to show drive and determination in the face of adversity or show that she shouldn't have those two sons with her?

On top of all that, they're making it seem like it's a big deal that she might win the minor league of talent based reality shows. (At least Stockton's staying consistant.) No less an authority than The Hoff himself says she's an amazing singer. The guy who brought us "Looking for Freedom" and "Du" musically and Baywatch Nights visually (It's baywatch with clothes! It'll be awesome!) is the guy we're supposed to listen to.

Look, I don't know the lady. All I'm saying is if she actually had talent, she'd be on American Idol and not some filler reality show that can only get ratings during the television wasteland that is the summer.

I'd also dissect Fitzy's press release for the new bakery that opened at the BJ's/REI shopping center. But this thing's getting to long as it is. Although I'm wondering how much I have to pay to get my own article. I can offer $5 and a handful of fun-sized Big Hunks.

An article about beer? Of course I have to throw my expert opinion in

Ok, I love doing the local angle as much as anybody. This whole site is pretty much one big local angle. But this shit about Anheuser-Busch hurting Valley Brew's business by being able to give better gifts to bar owners is fucking ridiculous.

I'm not going to go to another bar more than Valley Brew because I like the fancy beer signs they were gifted by the beer companies. I go for the drinks. Namely, drink prices. It's why I don't frequent those "upscale" bars like Envy and Douche Touche/286/Brandenburgs. I don't give a shit if they slapped a new coat of paint on the Backdoor and put up a fancy curtain. Oh look, everybody's wearing a collared shirt, this place must be safe. Fuck that, I want low beer prices.

If I have money, or if it's $5 pitcher Sundays (the best deal in area by far), I'll head on over to Valley Brew because they have a quality beverage. Bud Light tastes like horse piss, but it's usually $2-$3. I'm not going to drnk Bud Light any more because Bud Light can pass out more swag. Have you seen the swag they pass out? Shitty bottle opener keychains that break as soon as you try and use it. Or you could get your picture taken with a sweaty dude in the Budman suit. It's not exactly enticing. (Not that I don't have a picture of a drunk me with Budman on my bulletin board, I'm just saying I don't drink more Bud because of it.)

Valley Brew shouldn't be worried because their demographic is different. The people who go to Valley Brew know they're getting a good beer. If they're drinking there, there's a pretty good chance that they know that Red Hook and Hef are owned by Budweiser's new Dutch overlords. If places like Valley Brew are really worried about losing business over higher quality swag, maybe they should stay open past fucking 11:30 on a weekend. That usually plays a huge factor into where I decide to drink. I could go to Valley Brew, except I'll have to leave at an early fucking hour to go to another bar since the city (allegedly) forced BullnBear to move downtown so there's no where else within walking distance to really go to. (That martini bar is ok, but everytime I've been there it's been a fucking ghost town) Or I could go to Fat's, which is open until 2 almost every fucking night of the week. Guess which one I choose? I go where I can plant my ass down and get shitty drunk and not have to worry about getting shuffled out at midnight. Not to mention I don't have to be forced to watch the shitty internet feed of a hockey game.

But Slick, they're from Stockton, you gotta support the local team!

I don't even watch pro hockey, why the fuck would I want to watch the minor league team for their minor league team? Especially when the players can't even stay sober enough to not fight each other.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. The shittiness of arena tenants is for another post.

So while it's nice to get the local angle of a statewide problem, the Record's been going to that well a little bit too much lately. I want news in my newspaper, not an advertisement. The Record's got too many of those as it is.

Although George does look dead sexy pouring that IPA.