Ok, confession time. I actually wrote the quick links last night and scheduled the post for this morning. I wasn't even awake at 7. But hey, we're slowly posting more regularly. That's gotta count for something.
In hindsight I wish I had held off until I read today's Record which is a cornicopia of ads disguised as articles. The most egregious of which is the featured story on the front page. For those too lazy to click through, it's pretty much a soft feature on Stockton resident Queen Emily. She's made it to the next stage of America's Got Talent.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for finding the local angle in something, but it isn't exactly the most heartwarming story. First of all, she's not even really from Stockton. She moved here a fucking year ago. I'm no elitest, but as far as I'm concerned she's "Houston's Queen Emily" not Stockton's. (Trust me, Duke is worse. He still asks "old or new?" when someone says they're from Morada.)
Ignoring the fact that outside of the hip-hop world any broad who gives themself a royal nickname without actually being related to royalty is usually a royal bitch, the feature continues. She's unselfishly taken in her daughter's troubled sons. Which is actually pretty awesome until a later story tells us that when faced with the choice of having electricity or entering a singing competition, she choses to spend her power bill money to enter the singing competition.
What? Is that supposed to show drive and determination in the face of adversity or show that she shouldn't have those two sons with her?
On top of all that, they're making it seem like it's a big deal that she might win the minor league of talent based reality shows. (At least Stockton's staying consistant.) No less an authority than The Hoff himself says she's an amazing singer. The guy who brought us "Looking for Freedom" and "Du" musically and Baywatch Nights visually (It's baywatch with clothes! It'll be awesome!) is the guy we're supposed to listen to.
Look, I don't know the lady. All I'm saying is if she actually had talent, she'd be on American Idol and not some filler reality show that can only get ratings during the television wasteland that is the summer.
I'd also dissect Fitzy's press release for the new bakery that opened at the BJ's/REI shopping center. But this thing's getting to long as it is. Although I'm wondering how much I have to pay to get my own article. I can offer $5 and a handful of fun-sized Big Hunks.