Couldn't have this been about the good holistic medicine. The Ricky Williams kind?

It's been a while since we've checked in with Fitzy. Let's see what wacky thing he's up to now. Wait, what the fuck?

This week Fitzy visits a Reiki Master (See: dirty hippie) in Brookside. The headline itself cautions the reader to keep an open mind. Which is pretty much the equivelant of saying "Here's a sidebar of complete bullshit."

What's Reiki you ask? According to the pillar of accuracy and integrity that is Wikipedia, Reiki is:

"a spiritual practice used as a complementary therapy developed in 1922 by Mikao Usui. After three weeks of fasting and meditating on Mount Kurama, in Japan, Usui claimed to receive the ability of 'healing without energy depletion'. Practitioners use a technique similar to the laying on of hands, which they say will channel "healing energy" (a form of ki) through their palms."

So Reiki was developed by some guy(?) having it magically bestowed upon him on a mountain in Japan. Funny, that's the same way the cure for syphillis was discovered.

So if the power of Reiki was just given to some person after days of personal reflection on a mountain, how did it get all the way to America?

"Hayashi (ed. note: Hayashi is a student of Usui who took over after he died.) initiated and trained Hawayo Takata, who travelled widely in the USA, practising Reiki and teaching the first two levels to others."

Wow, that's really nice that Takata was able to come to America and provide us an opportunity to practice this ancient mysticism that Japan's known for all of (now) 86 years. I wonder how she translated the teachings to relate to Americans.

"Takata stressed the importance of charging money for Reiki treatments and teachings. In 1976, Takata began teaching the Shinpiden stage and introduced the term Reiki master for this level. She also fixed a price of $10,000 for the master training."

Oh. Huh, I wonder what the overseeing body of Reiki thinks about this. Someone has to make sure not just any yahoo can feel you up for ten grand and call it holistic healing.

"There is no accreditation body for Reiki, nor any regulation of the practice."

Well this person Fitzy visited had to have done the whole intense meditation on a mountain thing, right?

"Reiki courses can even be taken over the Internet."

So let me get this straight. Fitzy got an invite from some crackpot with an internet connection, and decided to give her free advertising in the only real newspaper this area has. And on top of that, he doesn't even actually get the treatment. He just watches it. Can't you wait until you at least have a headache or something and give it a shot yourself? I'm pretty sure I pay chicks at Deja Vu's way less than $10,000 to put their hands all over me, and I know I'm going to feel great afterwards. I better tell the Record so they can devote a 10-part series to it.

I understand that during the dog days of summer that decent news is hard to come by, but come on. Once you start giving us stories about a guy who's too embarassed by his "ability" to bend spoons with his mind to give his last name, it's time to take a vacation. Might I suggest Lost Isle?

Oh and remember Fitzy, like any good journalist (which we don't claim to be), it's good to present both sides of the story. And the overall "I'm not sure about this, but here's what I saw" approach is not giving the "this is crazy hippie bullshit" side of the story isn't good journalism. But thanks, I had writers block, I'm happy to do your job for you.