Friday, August 15, 2008

Introducing, Bars We're Down With

We finally got one of those recurring feature ideas. The tone on this site has been fairly negative. It's not an intentional move. I'm really a fairly easy going guy.

So in an effort to stay positive, we've decided to focus on the only real fun thing to do in this city. Getting falling down, crawling back to your car apartment drunk. So here it is...

Bars We're Down With

An easy description of this would be the SJ County Bar Hall of Fame. We're going to focus on bars that we consider the cream of the crop. If you think your bar deserves this distinction e-mail us.

Each bar will be carefully considered by a three person panel. Las Vegas Kings proprietor and new contributor El Duke and alleged RTC contributor, Briss Issak.

Don't think this is some arbitrary list of bars we can talk into giving us a drink discount. Although if any bar wants to do that, that would be awesome. To determine the bars on this list, we're going with a highly technical 10-point formula divided into 5 categories. Those categories are:

Drink Prices
This is an important category. Most of the time this is the deciding factor in where I choose to drink. This category eliminates places like Deja Vu's who charge roughly $35 for a drop shot and $8 for a bottle of Coors Light. Their $2 Tuesday deal is a steal though. So Deja Vu's would probably be something like a 2 on the 1-10 scale in this category. But let's face it, you weren't going there for the drink anyway.

Variety and Quality of Alcohol on Hand
This category is also important, but usually is at odds with the above category. We combined variety and quality into one category because they usually go hand in hand. If a bar has 20 or so beers on tap, chances are about half of them are quality brewskis while the rest are standard fair. (i.e. Bud, Bud Light, Coors Light. You know, water.) We also combined this for a place like Valley Brew which only has about 10 or so beers on tap, but they're all fucking awesome.

Proximity to Other Bars
Bar hopping is key to any good night of getting shitfaced. If a bar gets to be too crowded or becomes a sausagefest, you can just chug your beverage and head on over to the next watering hole and try again. This category was devised specifically for places like downtown Lodi where the beverage variety may be lacking at some bars, but just down the street is Lodi Beer Co. and half a dozen other bars.

This one should be pretty self explanatory. What shit do they got to eat when you've finally decided to settle down for the night. Places that are restaurant/bar combos have a decided advantage in this category. But don't worry, that doesn't mean Applebees is going to show up in the Bar Hall. Granted, if a particular Applebees has a dynamite bar, then they might get inducted. But we've sat at all the bars at local Applebees, Chili's has way better bars, and they're not even close to making the list. This category is probably the least important, but still needed. Because Valley Brew's got some damn good yam fries and Fat's has the best pizza in the county. This is not open for debate. But let's move on to the best category imaginable, which is without a doubt the most important...

Swimsuit Competition
How would the bartenders (bartenderesses?) look in swimsuits? Some places you don't have to imagine that. (On the Beach, I'm looking at you.) Others, you wouldn't want to. (Sorry Stooges of Stockton, Ivan in a two-piece just isn't appealing.) Regardless it's important. El Duke used to drive from Stockton to Lodi after he got off work at midnight just to get an hour of drinking in at the bars over there just because of the hotness of the bartenders. This can be extended to the regulars too if a certain bar has smokin' regulars. Come on, alcoholics are sexy and you know it.

Starting next week we'll induct the first bar in the inaugural class of 2008. If you have a bar you think we haven't drank at that deserves consideration, let us know.

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