Monday, January 19, 2009

Oh hey look, a special holiday Quick Links!

We usually take holidays off, but considering the pain in the ass it is to find stories once they've been bumped from the main news page, I felt the need to shit out a Quick Links before I'd be forced to navigate the Record's search engine. Which is the equivalent of taking a claw hammer between the eyes, or wading through a 12-page special edition commemorating a horrible event most people would rather not relive. They're all pretty much the same.

Finally, someone represents our point of view

It was inevitable, but yeah, we reached the "fucking still?" part of this debacle at least 3 years ago. They don't want a fucking Super Wal-Mart. Just leave it the fuck be. Lodi took decent care of their current Wal-Mart and they don't see why they need a new one. Hell, Lodi's Wal-Mart is cleaner than Stockton's Super Wal-Mart and Lodi's has been around for a shitload longer. Can we just end this? Please? Build one in Galt. Nobody gives a shit about Galt.

Fuck! How am I supposed to spend my Friday nights now?

You may not have known this, but we're all staunch advocates of cockfighting. Chickens are barely sentient beings that we raise because they're delicious. Why not have them fight too? They're not cute and cuddly, they look like fucking dinosaurs for fuck's sake. It's not like they're a fucking dolphin or something.

Hey, speaking of, what happened to that dolphin? Alex Breitler (the reporter, not the dolphin) takes off for DC all hopped up on hope (Side note: Nice sweater) and nobody's left to cover the dolphin story? Is he dead? Did it jump over the levee into somebody's pool in some reverse Free Willy thing? And most importantly, why hasn't it been named yet? You gotta jump on this shit or else you end up with Mark S. Allen naming that fucker. You know, the guy who never met a movie he wouldn't give a positive quote for. Do we really want this thing to be named after some shitty kids movie? Oh hey, we got sidetracked for a sec...

Yeah, cockfighting is awesome. It's an accepted sport in many Latin countries and we shouldn't deny our large Latino population a chance to participate in their exciting sport of choice. How would you feel if you went to Mexico and they said you can't play American football? You'd be pissed. Let them play! Let them play! Let them play!

Yeah, because this shouldn't be confusing at all

Remember that whole thing about renaming Charter Way MLK Blvd? Yeah, I tend to stay away from that area too, but on the chance occasions that I've been down there I see the double named street signs and shake my head. And now they're gone. And it's a shame because it was a great reminder as to just how stupid our city government is. Here's a city that went through unprecedented growth, building houses (and the resulting infrastructure) faster than we could fill them. Yet instead of naming one of the numerous new streets after Dr. King, they had to rename one of the larger streets in Stockton. There's a street named after Vlade Divac (off of Holman between March and Hammer across from Chavez), fucking rename that. And I love Vlade Divac. Fuck, rename Holman. I'm not even used to that one yet and only a few businesses would have to change their business cards. I'm pretty sure Dr. King would have preferred that over the shithole street we ended up giving him. I'm sure his family is excited that King's name will appear in the Record a lot in association with shootings and hit and runs.

Quick! Get the Pinasco's lawyer on the phone!

What the fuck are people doing running from cops in Morada? That's the safe part dammit! According to the reader reactions (which only occasionally carry extra nuggets of news hidden behind blatant racism) the family is claiming the CHP is in the wrong. Look, they pull over, you ran. Once you run it's your fault. End of story.

Ok, see you guys tomorrow. Hopefully we won't have ODed on hope and change by then.

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