Sorry for cutting out early Friday. I don't want to get too much into it but for those of you out there renting an apartment with a roommate, it's usually a good idea to tell your roommate before you put in 30-days notice. Especially when your roommate has a vacation planned in that time period. Yes, I live with a complete fuckshovel. Not for much longer apparently. And a hearty welcome back to Bris Isaak. I'm jealous of his new computer. Let's Quick Link some shit up!
It's this kind of dedication to detail that got Fitzy all those awards
We've pretty much ignored Fitzy's 55-word poem contest over the past month. Mostly because we can't stand the guy. Also, as noted before, we're not poets and frankly, we know it (sorry, too easy). Plus, the Record's been really contest happy lately (there's still a chance to be named the Thunder's #1 fan...that doesn't already have season tickets) and well, this is one of the more boring ones.
Of course it's still fun to read because we get to see if we recognize any of the names and get a better view of who actually buys into Fitzy's shit (Elwood Baer, you disappoint us greatly). Plus most of the entries, because of the 55-word limit, are hilariously bad. We won't break any of them down because, again, poetry ain't our deal. But we do have to point out one more thing before we move on. From the linked column:
"Subjects range from a Dr. Zeussy poem about dissecting echoes to a powerful indictment of a recent CHP shooting."
And now we ask, who the fuck is Dr. Zeuss? When did Tiny Lister find all that time to get his medical degree?
Ok, you guys win. The title's yours
We were already pessimistic of our title chances after seeing that homicides were at 40-year lows, but this is the icing on the cake. Our cops may crash into each other, they may bitch and moan a lot, and they may even shoot innocent people just trying to protect their family. But for all the shit we give SPD, at least they aren't Plaxicoing themselves. Wait is it too late to add that to the reasons I love Stockton? I love Stockton because for all of their faults, at least they're not shooting themselves in the foot...well, literally at least.
We're #10! We're #10!
I don't know if you've watched TV over the past 2 years, but if you kept the boob tube on for more than 15 mins, chances are you've heard about the digital conversion. Being a cable subscriber, those commercials really annoyed me because they didn't apply to me. I assumed after our TVs were assaulted with monotone commercial after monotone commercial, not unlike the onslaught of political ads during the seemingly endless election, that people would have figured it out. But, true to form, Stockton proved me wrong. Granted, only 7.3% of the Stockton/Sacramento/Modesto market isn't ready for the change, but that's still good enough to make us the 10th least prepared market.
The main culprit? As usual, painfully old people. Like the lady quoted in the linked article who's TVs were so old that she needed what sounds like an RF modulator to connect the digital convertor box to her antenna-only TV. Remember RF modulators? Those things that hooked onto the antenna screws on the back of realllly old TVs in the 80s that were used to hook up the AV cables of old school Nintendo and Sega systems? Yeah, most of us had those figured out by the age of 10. Yet, instead of heading to her local Radio Shack and finding out they cost a grand total of $27 (although a quick Google search can turns up some for as low as $7) she decided to buy two 19-inch flat screens. At least we know why she didn't give her name. Man old people are awesome.
The real question is did Marty Greenstein get to hit anybody in the face with a cookie sheet?
Now that we've just weathered the media's assault during the most insufferable political news week ever (Did you hear? There's a black guy in the White House. Black!), it's time to rest. Oh wait, what? It's Super Bowl media week? Well fuck me with Steely's McBeam. Only in America would we follow up an insufferable news week with an insufferabler one (I think I just broke my spell check with "insufferabler"). And what better way to get things started than with the classic "local reporter fan of previously laughable underdog that finally made it" story?
Of course, this being the Record's sports page they print Greenstein's NFC title game recap a week after the fact. And Greenstein also broke the cardinal rule (Ha!) of "my team finally made it to the big game" columns by predicting a Cardinals win as if it were a foregone conclusion. But actually, I kind of like that. It's not too often you see someone convey an actual opinion in The Record's sports columns. Unless of course that opinion is something like "-The Cardinals worked hard to get to where they are, they deserve it." Which is more of a statement of fact than an opinion (sorry, had to jump in on the Ol' Bulletpoint bashing).
Misc. Blog roundup
And finally, we check out the blogs where Christian Burkin warns us of a criminal demographic that not even the racist recordnet commenters had counted on, goat theft auto! Let's see them try and claim high-density housing equals more crime now! We gotta keep an eye on farms too! No word on if Ann Johnston was taken in for questioning.
Also, Jagdip Dhillon continues his ascent to becoming my favorite Record Sports writer by actually referencing Mixed-Martial Arts! Sure it's at the end of a post about the ugly Tigers/Gauchos game that was nationally broadcast on ESPNU for all to see how much the Big West sucks, but we weren't even sure the Record's sports staff even knew what MMA was considering they haven't written anything about it since EliteXC came into town. So even a passing mention gives us hope that they'll realize this is a legitimate sport that's not going away any time soon.
And the rarely seen Kirk Barron checks in on the Online Blog to let us know that Recordnet is working on getting more of what you've all been clamoring for, videos! Yes, from the people who brought you such exciting videos as "Mother dough reaches Boudin" and Ian Hill's star turn as the Martha Stewart of deep-fried turkeys, the Record's online staff is working hard this week to bring us more depressing videos on the Cleveland school shooting and God knows what else. Because if there's one thing I think when I read boring feature interviews with termed out politicians it's "Man, if only I could watch Victor Mow give boring, stock answers it would make it so much more interesting." Hopefully they combine the best of two ideas and bring us "adorable puppies shot close up using a wide-angle lens". Preferably set to the Benny Hill theme. Although to be fair, everything should be set to the Benny Hill theme.