Quick Links for Jan 22nd

Well, now we know what happens when the entire nation decides we don't need to know what else happened on Tuesday and doesn't report other news. I have to stretch to find content and fuck it all up. Well, let's check out the Record and see if anything went on toda...ahhhh! Avalanche!!!! (Thank God.)

Ladies and Gentlemen, the definition of too soon

We're notorious, emotionless dicks who will make fun of anybody, but even this seems like a bit much. Your daughter died unexpectedly in somebody's house, and your first inclination is to give the press your theories about her cause of death? No remembering the good times? No, straight into "She OD'd." Is her body even fucking cold yet? Hell, Morris Senegor (the dad) even said he didn't know of any drug history his daughter had, yet he's all ready to offer up an overdose as a scenario. Look man, just fucking grieve. Give everybody a chance to believe this was just a cruel act of God for, God forbid, half a day before you crush her image in everybody's mind with OD rumors. Yes, there's no good way to do this, but that doesn't mean you pick the worst fucking possible way to announce shit like that.

Death is never easy, take it from us. When El Duke worked in medical supplies he would have to tell families who's parent's just died that they couldn't return the $2000 scooter they had just bought for their parents 3 days earlier because the owner was a money grubbing dick. He says it made him feel like a "soulless cock" and that it still does a little bit to this day. And these are people he barely knew. Your daughter died, just say "it's sad" and let the people who's job it actually is announce that shit when they have all the tests done. It's not like we really needed to know the cause of death right away anyways. Announcing shit like that right away with no tests just makes shit seem fishy. Like you want us to believe it's one thing when there's a chance it's something else. We're not saying anything fishy went down, she was probably just huffing canned air, but preemptive cause of death speculation is unneeded and just kind of a dick move.

Of course, this could all just be a matter of quote use and placement. They put the important quotes (like probable cause of death) up front and bury all the stock grieving quotes that every story like this has (isn't journalism awesome?), but David Siders is a pretty good writer so we tend to go with the the mother's side of the family in the "Come on, now? Really?" side of the argument.

Bitches man, bitches

Of course there's too much information in that article, there's nowhere near enough in this one. Why did she slash the tires? Did she catch him in bed with his baby's mama? Did he make the fatal error of telling her she's PMSing when she was PMSing? Did he tell her those jeans made her ass look big? Or is she just a crazy, unstable bitch and that's what gets him off about her? We need to know these things! If for no other reason than to prevent the commentors from making crazy racist jokes, which as of this morning they had already made 5 of. God I love this town.

We said it yesterday and we'll say it again, the more things change, the more they stay the motherfucking same

The great clusterfuck continues! The Delta Trustees extended a giant middle finger to Mountain House and killed campus funding "for now". How Gerry Kamilos bought that I'll never know. Apparently he's way more trusting than we are. And really, it's always smart to trust a group of people who got where the are by campaigning against the campus the promised to get back to.

Fuck, today ended up being busier than I thought. That shit's always gotta happen on the same day news happens (or is reported at least). Tomorrow El Duke should have a Kings Kolumn up and the requisite Shit to do. If we can get the screengrabs we'll do our Top 5 revisit, if not we'll push it to next week. And if I can find time Real Stocktonian tomorrow. It's not set in stone so if you have any suggestions, please e-mail us.