Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Quick Links for March 31st

Oh hey, I finally stopped feeling like my head was trying to eat itself from the inside out (Note: this part was written earlier today. I don't get all day hangovers on $25 worth of drinks). I'm totally never drinking again...until tonight when the 7 jolly days of drinking continues. In honor of that, let's try and bang out some Quick Links.

Even when they time shit perfectly, the City Council has horrible timing

We almost missed this because the city announced this in the late-afternoon on a Friday in a classic newsdump, but guess what? Those cops are still probably getting laid off. Except now instead of 29, it's 45. And most of them found out after returning from the funeral for those 4 Oakland police officers. Yeah, it was a classy move.

Especially classy when you consider two things. The layoff notices were given to the lowest officers on the seniority chart, some who won't be laid off if officers with higher seniority decide to take the city's retirement buyout package thingy (its technical name by the way). So really, depending on who takes they early retirement thing, a lot of those officers won't actually be laid off. The other thing is, these were layoff notices announcing possible layoffs in June that we already fucking knew about. Sure, the addition of 16 more possible layoffs was surprising, but the last thing a guy wants to see when he just got back from a funeral is a reminder that his job is in jeopardy. It was the definition of a total dick move.

I guess we now have an idea as to how Fitzy voted in the Nasty Fetish Tourney

If I may channel Bill Simmons for a second...

There's comedy, there's high comedy, and then there's this sentence from Mike Fitzgerald's blog:

The one thing that interest me was the hermaphrodite.

I don't really know what I can add to that. I swear to God I didn't make that up. That actually appeared in Fitzy's blog post about the closing of Gottschalks (wait, that was still open?). Is this some sort of joke? Like an early April Fool's Day kind of thing?

He barely even let's that sentence settle in before he assails you with the mental image of a deep-fried hermaphrodite (which was the most popular booth at the Oakdale Testicle Festivle by the way. And yes, that's real too. This is what happens when you take away the chocolate. And Yahoo deserves a Pulitzer for that headline and lead) without even so much as a warning. Again, I'm not kidding. I would make some sort of joke about how he seems way too eager to know about the sex life of a hermie but I'm just in total awe of that post. How the fuck is his blog more raunchy than mine today? That's just fucking depressing. And to think I thought his ego smothered his sense of humor in it's sleep years ago. Hey wait, what's this...

Time to rifle off a letter to the editor of National Lampoon!

Only Mike Fitzgerald would precede a deep-fried hermaphrodite joke by taking something written in the Onion too seriously. I guess this means his sense of humor really is dead. Which says all sorts of creepy things about the above item.

Ah, there's that joke I was looking for. I knew it'd show up eventually. Man, it feels good to laugh again.

Hippie fiiiiight!k

You know, we haven't checked in on Briefcase Breitler lately. Let's see what's going on over at his blog. What's this? Saturday was that lights out hour thing? And on top of that somebody counter-promoted an event just to piss all the dirty light pollution hippies off? That's fucking funny. Sure, it's not Fitzy wistfully reminiscing about his missed opportunity with a shemale funny, but it's still pretty hilarious. Of course, we're all for anything that pisses off those dirty hippies.

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