Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Quick Links for St. Patrick's Day with a bonus Top 5!

Happy St. Patrick's Day, Quick Links time.

Because if there's one thing we need on TV, it's more reality shows

Hey, you know what we need? A really boring sports-related reality show. Out of the 3 major sports, which is the lowest rated? Basketball? Ok, that's not boring enough. What if we made it women's basketball? The WNBA's ratings have steadily declined every year it's been in existence. That's a perfect boring reality show! But wait, that Candace Parker might actually be the Jordan with (c-cup) tits that the WNBA has needed for years. We can't take the chance that this show could be good. What about women's college basketball? Wait, their skill level is too high. Somebody might actually be entertained. What's a level of competition that noone outside scouts and parents care about? I got it! High school women's basketball! And better yet, we'll make it a sheltered private school so the smallest percentage of Americans can identify with these girls!

Yeah, if you couldn't tell, we think this is the worstest idea ever presented of all time...ever! It's so bad that, even before he'd read it, I asked Bris for his worst idea for a reality show and his response was "Knight School" but for women's basketball. Which is sadly way too close to reality. While we understand this series is probably destined for Lifetime, if anywhere, and is in no way anywhere near our demographic (which is funny since we're basketball die hards), I still decided to get the brain trust together for a mini top 5.

Top 5 things we'd rather watch than Nationally Ranked

El Duke: I'd rather watch a full season of America's Next Top Granny Porn Star than this shit.

Bris Isaak: I'd rather watch Lori Gilbert go down on her life partner.

Slick: I'd rather watch a locally-based version of The Hills, presumably called "The Foothills".

El Duke: I'd rather watch a remake of The Godfather staring Dane Cook as Don Corleone.

Slick: I'd rather sit through an entire Jonas Brothers concert.

Although, to be fair, Bris noted he is interested in seeing how St. Mary's coach Tom Gonsalves justifies implementing a full court press when his team is up by double digits.

Talk about last second...

Buried beneath the second page of Don Blount's review of "I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change" (isn't relationship humor hilarious? And yes, this is the return of shit Don Blount saw), is actual news. Thanks Record redesign! KRS-One is coming to Stockton....tomorrow. Yes, in a turnaround that would make E-40 jealous, the show was just announced today and takes place at 9 p.m. tomorrow. This is kind of a big deal considering The Blastmaster is one of hip hop legends and he changed the face of battle rapping as we know it. Not to mention he's one of the few socially conscious rappers left. What? Did you forget that rap can have a message? Either way, this show is going to kick ass.

Going back to the well

Lori Gilbert took a break from writing about her favorite subject to write about the state journalism last week, this week she's back inside her wheelhouse. Although this time her subject is slightly younger than her average subjects, she's only 50. Unfortunately that subject is a fucking doll. Lori reveals her painfully lonely childhood (and considering she kept them and felt the need to bring them to the newsroom, adulthood as well) of playing with dolls. It's typical boring Lori Gilbert bullshit. And I can't believe I read the whole thing.

Ok, that's it for today. I can't believe I haven't had a drink yet today. Fucking work.

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