So it's the end of March and it feels like something's missing. Let's run down the monthly checklist.
Completely destroy some stupid idea Fitzy wrote about: Check
Take the city to task for horrible timing: Check and check
Point out Lori Gilbert's affinity for the elderly (Which we hear is a 3 seed in the Nasty Fetish NIT): Check (last item)
Get punched by a midget: Check
Drink: Check, check, and check.
Hmmm, it seems like something's missing. Oh wait, now I remember! It's time for...
March's Rube of the Month!
I know you're probably thinking we totally forgot about it since it's the very last day of March, but we didn't. We just saw something earlier this month that had rubian potential and had to wait for it to play out. Well, it played out like we expected and that's why March's Rube of the Month is a man we talk about quite a bit on here, Mr. Michael Fitzgerald. I'm honestly kind of surprised it took this long for him to earn the distinction. Sure, he was directly involved in last's month's ROTM, but this time he actually gets the nod himself. What can I say? He's a double threat. He's the player-coach of rubes.
So why does Fitzy deserve such a lofty distinction? It's simple really, he allowed his man crush on newish booking agent Stephen Grossman to cloud his judgement. Specifically this line:
Grossman said next week he should be able to announce two new events for the arena.
That was two weeks ago. Let me check the paper real quick...yeah big fat goose egg. Again.
Are we nitpicking? Yeah, a little bit. But when we read that our response was "Yeah, whatever. We'll believe it when we see it." But then again, we're horrible skeptics. It's a quality that's easy to develop when you've lived in Stockton as long as we have. We've had guys promise great acts and fall through before *coughRalphWhite*cough*. Thing is, Fitzy's lived here way longer than we have. He should be just as skeptical if not more. Which is really why he's this month's rube. He should know better than to trust the guy with the least enviable job in the city (well, you know, besides Gordon Palmer's).
I could call Grossman every week and he'd probably say something along the lines of "We're really really super close to booking a big act" just to get me off his ass (you know, so Fitzy can reaffix his lips). I wouldn't print anything like that because it's vague and there's really no information in there. Fitzy prints it because he wants to make his pal look good. And then when nothing happens, he looks like a fucking stooge. And that, my friends, is how Mike Fitzgerald earned his very first Rube of the Month award. It almost definitely won't be his last.
Let the countdown to somebody pointing out the event announcement that we probably totally missed begin. (Note: Vincente Fernandez doesn't count because that's a fucking gimmie)