Friday, September 26, 2008

An open letter to the editors of the 3-Minute Record

Dear Elizabeth Giblin and the rest of the staff at the 3-Minute Record,

I generally enjoy the 3-minute Record. If you could somehow put the 3MR on it would improve the quality of the website becaue it's basically a news aggregator mixed in with snarky writing. You know, like a blog. Only instead you decide to print it on the back page of the Local section.

While we feverishly await the day when our humble site graces the "Best of the Web" feature, we'd like to take the time to bring up an issue with today's edition of the 3MR as a service for men everywhere who read the "Tragic Consequences" feature where the "good" and "bad" arrows usually reside.

Please never do that feature again. It's bad enough that there was a story about a (Warning: Men reading this might want to put on a cup before continuing reading.) 61-year old man getting a circumcision. (Insert your own Briss Isaak joke here) But, and I'm pretty sure I speak for penised creatures of every species, nobody wants to read a story about (Again, brace yourselves) a guy who had his dick removed while sedated (God I hope he was sedated) during surgery without being consulted.

It's not a funny story and we don't need to read about it. I may not sleep for the next week out of fear that some surgeon might come in and chop off Little Duke. I may skip my next 4 doctor appointments. It's been a good half hour since I read the story and I'm still clutching my twig and berries.

So in conclusion, you get the blue arrow of shame that you cut didn't pass out today. Oh, and F-Minus isn't funny.

Reclaiming the Title

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