How to tell when it's a slow news day

Slow news days are a bitch. And Monday was a realllllly slow day. How slow? The A section of The Record is about 45% ads. I wish I was joking. I also wish I could link to the eRecord to show you how bad it is. You're just going to have to look for yourself.

There's four-quarter page ads and one half page ad in the A section advertising the paper you're fucking reading. There's 2 full pagers and yet another half pager.

Then there's the front page of the LENS section which is a classic example of using awkward layouts to fill space. I should know, I used to do it all the time at the Impact/Collegian. And that's ignoring the fact that I'm pretty sure yard sale season is coming to an end. Granted, I don't own a yard or have excess shit people would want to buy. But I could have sworn that kind of shit went down in the summer months.

Another sign it's a slow news day? The stories on the front page of the paper and the front of the local section are "Latinos wire money back home" and "Aww, look at the nice church doing service." Stop the presses!

But both of those stories pale in comparison to the claim one of the Record's huge, space eating ads make. (For those reading along, flip to page A8) Their website was voted number one in something besides being almost completely unnavigable?

I'll post one example, because I'm pretty sure we're dedicating a post solely to recordnet.com's sucking later, is Lori Gilbert. Surprise, our first mention of her on here has to do with the Record sucking.

For those who don't follow local journalism politics, the Record had a mini reorganization earlier this year banishing the Sports hosebeast that is Lori Gilbert to the land of Hill, the LENS section. It was a glorious day. Her sports columns were the pieces of corn in the shit sandwich that was (and to a certain extent, is) the Record's Sports page. But this isn't about Lori Gilbert sucking, this is about the website sucking.

Want to see Lori Gilbert's profile and by extension a list of her horrible features from the LENS section? Here's the Entertainment/LENS section of the Recordnet website. Find it, I dare you. Lori Gilbert's picture and a link are right there. But they go to her blog which shows that video of thhat damn Queen Emily again.

So if they won't gie us the direct link to her profile, maybe we can search for it. Why look, there it is right there in the suggested results. Let's click it, shall we? Oh hey, a profile. A sports columnist profile. And all those stories listed in that search? All those aforementioned horrible sports columns. Hmm, maybe that's a relevancy issue. Let's make it rank the results based on the date. First column? A Tiki Barber column.

So remember, visit recordnet.com, #1 in gooch sucking.