Yesterday we gave some time to now Mayor-elect Ann Johnston to state her case. Now, to be fair, we're giving the man she defeated, Clem Lee, a timely rebuttal. (Again, of course, totally fake)
So, ya wanna negative campaign do ya? *hiccup* I'll give you a fucking negative campaign! *takes swig from flask* Ann Johnston...*burp* she's...she's a fucking bitch! You know that area behind Super Wal-Mart? All her fucking idea!
*takes another swig*
I can't believe that bitch tried to blame that budget thing on me! What the fuck you think she's going to do? She's going to blow the whole budget on shoes! And...and *hiccup* I don't even like those fucking burgers! Ten fucking dollars? I had to loan myself 50 grand just to keep my campaign afloat! You think I can afford a $10 burger? Those cocksuckers didn't pass on any of that subsidy money to the people. That's not my fault, it's the asshole who runs the place's fault!
*takes particularly long swig*
And I can't fucking believe she brought up that goat thing! Yeah, so what if I fucked a goat? Have you seen me? No human would fuck me! But if Ann Johnston wants a negative campaign, I'll give that rusty fucking cunt a negative campaign!
*vomits barely digested Jack Daniels all over self*
I'll give you a God damn negative campaign. That goat's name was ANN FUCKING JOHNSTON! That's right! Ann Johnston is a fucking goat! She even let me take a naked picture of her:
Now you know why she looks like the bastard child of Skeletor and a llama! *wrings out shirt into shot glass, downs regurgitated JD* I fucked that goat and I fucked her good, and she loved every second of it. She even borrowed my razor the next day to shave off her goatee. That bitch didn't even ask! You know how disgusting goat hair is? *hiccup*
So, in conclusion, Ann Johnston's a bitch! And a shaved goat.
*vomits, passes out in puddle of own vomit*