Quick Links for Dec. 31st

Well, it's the end of 2009. Guess it's time to bust out all those year end posts I promised but predictably waited until the last minute to write. So here's the quick links to satisfy your hunger until I can crank out a Real Stocktonian of the Year (an idea the Record is toooootally stealing, you already had your year in review filler feature! Let me have mine!), and we'll wake up a probably hungover El Duke to get some shit to do for tonight (hint: go to bar, commence drinking).

Since I already mentioned the Record's year in review filler feature, let's tackle that first. You number one story of the year? That Quail Lakes fire. Remember that? Yeah, I barely remembered it either. But apparently both the Record readers and editors thought it was a top 2 story. Top 2 of the whole year. Not the General Plan posturing, not the Rodeo fuckup, not Steve Pinkerton peacing out, not the city budget crisis. What about the precious trees!? Look, lists like this are bullshit because it's not like we can come up with a list everybody can agree on. But considering the Record readers voted in the foreclosure crisis and the economic crisis as two separate things (they also somehow separated Prop 8 and the election, go figure), I wouldn't put too much stock in this list.

Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck! God dammit El Paso! Why? I personally blame myself. People have to read this place which probably increases the literacy rate (in the secret 7th judging category "creative swearing"). The worst part about that article (besides the fact that we actually dropped a spot from 69 to 70) is that people think moving from last to second to last is something to celebrate. It's the same thing as our second highest violent crime rate title. Sure, it's not the worst/highest, but it's still horrifically bad. Of course if this past year taught us anything, it's that librarians are going to start bitching about owed raises then will start crashing those ladders on wheels into each other.

In other news, old people complained that Obama's health care plan doesn't go far enough. Which is like saying the bank bailout won't save the economy. No shit, it's just the first step. But instead, the residents of Murphy's just want to complain about the expensiveness of coverage and how their insurance won't cover care from their bumfuck mountain towns. Nobody told you the downfall of living in the foothills is that nobody gives a shit about you, did they? Yeah, that's not Obama's fault.

Speaking of medical coverage, SJ county finally decided to obey state law and pass out medicinal marijuana cards. Conveniently when my insomnglacobackpain started acting up again. Now where did I put that doctor's number?

Ok, we know it doesn't matter, but we have to ask. Wasn't new Thunder coach Matt Thomas the old Thunder coach from back when the Thunder were in Atlantic City and called the Boardwalk Bullies (a name only slightly lamer than Thunder)? This whole head coaching change is just one giant admission that team officials don't have a fucking clue what they're doing. Luckily noone noticed until it was pointed out today because noone gives a shit about the Thunder. No really, noone. But no, really, feel free to print two stories on it in one day Record. We really care that much. (And as always, a hearty fuck you to recordnet.com for not putting the front page sports story on the front of the recordnet sports page.)

And finally, God damn Fitzy's column today seems familiar. Possibly because it pretty much sounds like everything we've been saying for the past six months. Stockton city leaders need to think outside the box instead of trying the same ol' tired ideas. Of course this is all part of Fitzy's image rehab after his committed relationship with Steve Pinkerton became illegal. So remember, Mike Fitzgerald = anti-establishment.