Thursday, December 4, 2008

Quick Links for what we're pretty sure is the real Dec. 4th

Teen Slave reaches his 3rd day in the news cycle as it looks like media outlets from all over are going to ride this story at last through the weekend (which can't be good news for Tracy driver safety) No real interesting news was revealed today unless you only read the print edition (unlikely since you're, you know, reading this site). The Record did finally go for the shocked neighbors angle and got some quotes from neighborhood parents who were shocked such a thing could happen so close to home. They also included what we're considering a veiled jab at the conflicting escape stories that were out there. And finally they tried to convey the severity of his living conditions while not giving us at least one gruesome detail, which is just mean.

Speaking of mean things, Stockton Unified School District is letting it's seniors take the SATs for free on Saturday. Where's the mean part you ask? They're going to use an auto-dialer to call every senior in SUSD at 6 am on Saturday morning. Now, I know what you're thinking. "But Slick, I don't have any seniors in my house, so that's not really that mean." I hope you don't live near a church then because an hour later at 7 (again, on a fucking Saturday)churches all over Stockton are going to ring their bells to presumably make everyone in Stockton hate kids. I live within close proximity to 3 churches with a 4th less than a mile away, the phone calls are enough of an annoyance, why bug the rest of Stockton? I get 2 days off a week and Saturday is one of them, who the fuck are these people who think loudly ringing bells throughout the city at an hour earlier than I wake up for actual work days is a good idea? Are you one of those people who once woken up can't get back to sleep? Yeah, me too. Fuck you Kirk Nicholas. How would you like it if I called your ass at 2 am? I'll be awake (no thanks to your bullshit, media-whorey, initiative) just finishing up another night of binge drinking. In conclusion, go ass fuck a cactus Mr. Nichols and anybody else associated with waking me up before noon on Saturday.

While we're on the subject of complete fuckshovels, the Stockton Symphony cancelled their spring concert series much to the chagrin of old, white people everywhere who think kids can't be cultured musically without listening to some boring ass Mozart. They claim it's a preemptive budget cut and then the story notes that symphony conductor and noted douchebag Peter Jaffe eats up nearly a 10th of their budget. Which of course begs the question, they get paid to do that shit? Really? We understand all the practice that goes into these things but they play like 5 concerts a year. The symphony isn't even a job for those people, it's a hobby. Yet somebody gets paid almost $100,000 to wave a stick around while keeping that smug "I'm better than you" look on his face the whole time? I can give condescending looks too, how can I get that gig? I'll do it for half.

Oh and that contest Fitzy's having to name the roof of the Hotel Stockton? He found out later that it already has a name. Hooray publicity stunts! Best part? The name is/was "The Rooftop Garden of the Hotel Stockton" which, besides the word "garden" and adding a "top" at the end of roof, is the exact name (give or take the word "old") we came up with when making fun of this story in Monday's Quick Links.

Don't forget to nominate the person you think should be the Real Stocktonian of the Year. Our e-mail is off to the right as always.


Marcelina said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Marcelina said...

maybe the conductor lives in one of those $700k condos in downtown Stockton haha