Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Open Letter to Comcast Sportsnet

Dear Comcast Sportsnet,

Fuck you. Yesterday was a travesty upon a debacle while a disaster fucked a catastrophe. I thought Boston was rock bottom. But no, apparently you can play worse defense. Apparently you can give less of a shit. I watched that entire game, for nothing.

At the time I told myself, "Watch this so you know what rock bottom is. The rest of a season will be a cakewalk compared to this." I was wrong.

I never want to go through that again. Last night sucked. Yet you chose to replay the game today anyway. I know it's your contractual obligation to do so. Kings games bring ratings. But you couldn't make an exception, just once? I come home from a long day's work, and there it is. Slowly raping my eyes once again. And you know what? I can't take my eyes off of it. Fuck you for that.

I don't know why I can't stop watching. Maybe it's to make the eventual success this team will have that much sweeter. At least that's what I told myself in 2002. But you should know better than that Comcast Sportsnet. You know sports fans are masochists. I mean, come on, you play Monarchs games.

I guess I was just hoping that just this once, you'd let it slide. Perhaps burn the game tape. Who would notice? Somebody says they're going to take the master dvd copy of the game and make some copies of game tape for the players. Then calmly take said DVD and destroy it. Roll over it with your office chair. Those wheels are pretty hard, probably'd break the sucker in half. Let your 3 year old play with it for 20 mins. That thing will be toast. Kids are good for that sort of thing.

But the last possible thing you should have done was replay it. The entire season has been like an infomercial for Kings tickets. Slowly, I've slowly learned to tune them out. (I mute the TV and listen to music. If you start Dark Side at just the right moment it syncs up perfectly with Kevin Martin's jumpshot. It's phenomenal.). But this game is like the exact opposite. What's the reverse of an infomercial? And enfomercal? Either way you might as well have displayed the words "Don't buy tickets, the Maloofs are Nazis" on a black backdrop and had less damage on ticket sales than this game had.

But mostly it's the eye raping thing. And for that, I again say, fuck you.


Reclaiming the Title

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