Quick Links for Feb. 4th

Ahhh! Where'd all the news go? Yesterday there was too much and we actually constemplated doing a second Quick Links to present all the hilarious shit. Now? All we got now is the Sheriff's Office beating a guy to death. Ya-fucking-awn. They didn't even use guns! Excessive police beatings are so 90s. But I guess that's excusable since Murtaugh's in Stockton tonight. Let's knock out some Quick Links before we get too old for this shit!

Soft news, making journalism worse since 1856

First things first, this isn't cute. This is fucking creepy. Like Millhouse's parents creepy. Married people should not be so easily mistaken for twins. I'm shuddering right now just thinking about it.

And Marijke Rowland? The Record doesn't employ that broad. The Modesto Bee does. Is the economy really that bad that the Record has to farm out it's filler features now? We understand the whole business side of sharing stories, but after a while doesn't a paper cross the line from reporting the news to being a news aggregator? The Record's turning into a printed blog that just says "Hey, look at this story from the Sentinel. Shit's going down in Lodi." And frankly, that's our business model. Get your own.

Also, isn't soft, boring features Lori Gilbert's schtick? We're not complaining, any business practice that could possibly put that bitch out of a job the better. But nobody could possibly think that any of this shit is a better idea than using the LENS section to cover local entertainment (and I know this is really a stretch since the "E" in LENS stands for "Entertainment")?

Did You Know?: 1856 was also the year Roger "The Coozer" Coover got into journalism. Coincidence? I think not.

Just in case you were still on the fence as to who the dicks are in this situation...

Blog posts like this are why we love David Siders' blog so much (the linking to us and tripling our hits thing helps too). Sure, Fitzy posts like 4 times as much but one can only read about trees and the Delta Queen saga so much before you just begin to tune him out. Siders, on the other hand, fucking brings it.

As he should though, he gets to cover the soap opera that is city government. In the latest edition of The Old and the Clueless, Blair Ulring draws a line in the sand and dares Dale Fritchen to cross it!

Siders points out that typically the department heads figure out what budgetary adjustments need to be made, then discuss those adjustments with the City Manager who in turn goes to the City Council and says "Yeah, this is what they came up with." All of that is followed by minor tweaking from the Council and bickety bam, that's how budget cuts (or increases) are made.

Funny, my parents always told me that a magic budget stork flew down and dropped the budget recommendations at the front door of City Hall in a picnic basket. Apparently Blair Ulring's parents told him the same thing but instead of a stork they called it "policymakers".

Hey Blair, little tip, YOU ARE THE FUCKING POLICYMAKER! I know you refused the titles of acting or interim police chief but, I don't know it you heard, the chief's on permanent vacation. It's your show pal. You're applying for the vacant PC position but you refuse to make the tough decisions the job entails? You realize these past few months have been like an extended job interview right? This is the equivalent of telling the interviewer "I don't have the balls to make tough decisions." Which is lethally detrimental to your cause because those high-ranking, high-paying positions are all about making tough decisions.

Of course, you could just be standing pat, knowing that the union is going to cave to prevent layoffs. Then you'd look like a fucking pimp for standing up for the jobs of your fellow officers while still coming in under budget. Unfortunate thing is, you're not hired by your fellow officers. You're hired by the City Manager, the guy who you're putting in an incredibly awkward position right now. Don't think that when decision time comes on whether or not they should hire you or the outside guy from Reno, that Gordon Palmer won't forget what a dick you were during the budget process. You think he wants to have to deal with this again next year? Think about that when the new guy has you all trying on short shorts to make you seem more approachable to to public, and more aerodynamic.

Oh misinformation, how I missed you

Teen Slave search warrants are unsealed! Shit should finally make more sense! Wait, he escaped from a fucking car again? Will somebody, for the love of God, give us the straight story? What happened to that story we heard about the kid running through the living room and out the back door? You know, the whole jumping the wall that Mike Schumacher allegedly asked be heightened? Did the kid jump out of the car then decide his best escape route was through the house? Fuck, how hard is it to get straight answers? Especially considering Kelly Lau was passing out jailhouse interviews in the early parts of this. Documents being released means less questions, not more.

Someone's found their tacklebox apparently

We've been avoiding Fitzy and his bait all week with varying degrees of success. But it looks like he's fishing for a different game now. Namely, the racist commenters in the recordnet.com forums! This should end hilariously. Over/Under on deleted comments from that column is set at 32.