Friday, February 27, 2009

Quick Links for Feb. 27th

Holy shit, is it Sexy Friday? Fuck yes! It's Sexy Friday! Let's knock out some Quick Links while I nurse this wicked hangover and remind myself that this is why I stopped staying out 'til last call on weekdays. The things I do for incredibly hot bartenders who bend down and unwittingly give me a quality downshirt view. And can somebody turn the dimmer switch down please? That lamp is like the fucking sun, and it feels like it's piercing a hole into my forehead. (Note: This part was written at like 9 AM. I'm slightly less hungover now. Although my mouth still feels like I ate a down pillow after smoking a pound of Grandaddy Purp.)

I've got a fever, and the only cure is more live blog!

I guess David Siders loved interacting with us so much yesterday that he's ready for round two. It's nice to see the Record finally embrace a technology that most blogs have been using for at least 2 years now. It's like their website is the midwest, and the rest of the internet is California. I can't wait until they find out about CafePress. Because deep down, who doesn't want to rock a "I went to court and all I got was a picture with Scott Smith's soul patch" t-shirt.

Really? That's the best you got?

We didn't really expect much out of the State of the City speech. It's usually pretty boring and panders to the business folk in attendance. Real Stocktonian Ed Chavez tried to bring some pizzazz to the event by announcing useless shit, we all know how that worked out. Ann Johnston said she wasn't going to make some big, costly, showy announcement, and she didn't. She just took away the costly part! What was her big, not costly, showy announcement? She's calling on you! Yes you! And you! You! You! You! You! Yes, apparently Ann Johnston used her best pyramid scheme sales pitch skills to say that you (yes, you!) can help bring Stockton out of this economic crisis. And it'll only cost you an initial $300 investment time! You can volunteer in the unfortunately named VISTAS program (seriously, who thought that was a good name? Even the STARS people think that's lame) and work at the library or something. Hopefully this is just the first step towards a citizen volunteer police force where a band of ragtag misfits go through the police academy while wacky hijinks ensue. I call dibs on being Guttenburg.

So ummm, checkmate?

I don't really have much to add to this. At least without sounding repetitive. You know what? Fuck it. THEY DON'T WANT YOUR STUPID FUCKING STORE WITH IT'S LAME ASS PRODUCE DEPARTMENT. THE CURRENT WALMART IS FINE AS IS! JUST GIVE IT THE FUCK UP! Man, that felt good.

Maybe we can find some common ground

We've had our fair share of fun at the expense of Mike Fitzgerald, and don't worry there will be plenty more to come. But we'd like to put that all aside for a second. In his blog he wonders why the Arena couldn't book a band like Poison. While we wonder why anybody would want the Rock of Love Bus to head to Stockton, it's still in the realm of my love for horribly over the top 80s music. And if Fitzy also wants an 80s band to play the Arena, then maybe we can all get along. Even if just for a little while.

So what are we proposing? Well, first of all, fuck Poison. They're playing the county fair because nobody would pay just to see Poison. You gotta throw in a bunch of exhibits and a funnel cake to get me to pay to see them. But you know who would sell out the Arena? Journey. It makes perfect sense. For one, they're fucking badass. Second, Journey has localish roots. Lights notwithstanding Steve Perry once lived in Banta. I say that's a local enough angle, even though Perry isn't with the band anymore, to warrant making a push to bring them to the Arena. And we think Fitzy should help make that push. If he does, we promise to not make fun of his tree fetish for a whole month. In fact, we'll even plant a tree and take care of it in my backyard. You want to save the urban forest? Bring us Journey. Then you can do all the tree loving, touching, and squeezing you want.

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