Tuesday, February 17, 2009

No word yet on when President-Elect Obama is taking office...oh wait

We've made fun of Bob Highfill in the past, but this time we're here to help him out. Bob, this is Google. It is a search engine on this thing called "the Internet". Google searches this inter-connected web of sites ingeniously called "websites" for information that you deem valuable.

For instance, let's search (or "Google") two words that seem to be very popular lately, Stockton and miserable. See, loads of information/articles about Stockton's dubious/bullshit ranking as our nation's most miserable city. I know it's supercomplicated, but you'll get the hang of it.

Flawed rankings based solely on data is kind of our thing though, let's try something in your wheelhouse Ol' Bulletpoint. Say, the words Stockton and sports. Hey look! Info about sports and shit in Stockton! And look on the second page, it's the Record's sports section. And what's this? Why, it's Ol' Bulletpoint's weekly lazyass bulletpoint column. And, by God, what's this part?

"No word when Charles Barkley will return to TNT's "Inside the NBA" studio show. Ratings have dropped 38 percent since the Hall of Fame forward took a leave of absence following his arrest for DUI in December."

Wow, 38 percent? Where'd you get that info? You used that newfangled Google thing didn't you? You know, I wonder when Chuck is coming back too. Let me also use the Google to check out if there's any information on the Round Mound of Rebound's return. Of course, being an editor of a Sports page, Bob Highfill's already done this sort of research, but just for fun we'll type "Charles Barkley return" into Google.

Oh, well will you look at that. The first fucking story is from a week ago saying that Charles is coming back after last Sunday's All-Star game. So there is word on when Chuck is coming back, and it's Thursday. Unfortunately, Bob "Must Be" Highfill couldn't be bothered to search Google to make sure a statement he made in his column was true.

In short, do your research.

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