Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty. Oh won't you please take me...to the Quick Links!
When did the Record learn how to use technology?
Today's State of the City address is apparently being liveblogged by the Record. Ian Hill's at it and David Siders should show up shortly if he's not there already. Mayor Johnston's also allegedly coming by, because if there's one voice that she needs to hear, it's the voice of the biased, racist commenters on Recordnet.com. I'd pop in and participate, but I have work. Somebody tell us how it went. (Update: Ok, so I poked my head in for a sec. I couldn't help myself. It looked about as exciting as a liveblog about a speech would. Plus the SaveStockton guy was there. They were using Cover It Live! so all the comments had to be approved. Which was probably the reason there were so few reader comments. But that's probably a good thing.)
We're gonna need more than this if we want to land Robocop
Christian Burkin breaks down a brochure advertising the Stockton Police Chief job in his latest blog post. Suspiciously missing? Any mention of our violent crime rate. They also say the budget is just over $100 mil when in reality it's just under $100 mil with more cuts coming. Either way it's an interesting read. One would think the search for a new police chief wouldn't resemble a Cragslist personal ad so much.
On a side note, we'd like to ask McClane to say hi to Carl Winslow for us. Now there's a guy who should be police chief. You could pay him in Twinkies!
Ok, so we lied Lori. There won't be any pie. This is an intervention.
Lori, we're here because we love you. Ok, we don't really. We wish you would disappear forever, but we're here to help you. You have a problem, and it's hurting the people around you. Not just your family, friends, and co-workers who have to deal with the constant questions of "Why did Lori write about a dead person turning 100?", but you're also hurting old people. You're making them believe that their stories are interesting, and giving them false hope is mean. Plus, they might start blathering on about their life story to random strangers because they now feel that since they made it in the paper, everybody wants to hear their life story. And we don't. I don't even listen to my Grandpa's stories and he's talking about people I actually know.
I know, it's going to be tough, but you have to get help. This fetish is getting to be too much. I don't think you've written about anybody under the age of 50 since we pointed out your affinity for the elderly. And while we appreciate your efforts to prove us right, frankly we worry about your mental health. Of course being somewhat close to SF, we've learned to accept people for who they are despite whatever weird proclivities they might have. So maybe, instead of quitting old people cold turkey, you could get a job writing the newsletter for a retirement community. Perhaps you could take some time off and write a book of stories old people tell you. Like Tuesdays with Morrie minus the inspiration and anything remotely interesting.
But whatever you do, for the love of Wally stop writing this shit for the Record. It's nowhere near the realm of relevancy.